Reviews for After the Fall
Rinny Leonheart chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
You know I am almost sure I started this when you first wrote it, the plot looks so familiar to me. Well it has been nearly 10 years!

I will get you to 2k reviews Ashbear! Only 92 more to go XD
Bebedora chapter 87 . 3/7/2013
Yay! Squall finally starts to understand himself! *fanfare* I'm really glad to see that he finally can see who he has been in the past...and who he needs to (and rinoa needs him to) be in the future.

I feel bad for the both of them, I really do. Rinoa is grappling with the thought of having to confront Zone, and at the same time do it alone. She knows that Squall would never let her, but she knows that if she is to get some sort of closure, it needs to be her. Am I right, or totally wrong? LOL ;) Squall is trying so hard to be the SeeD that he was trained as, but at the same time trying desperately to hold on to her, and keep her safe. I actually like that he had an "out" when he said that it wasn't his call wether or not Rinoa went in for Zone or not. It keeps him from being the one to make the call that may end up getting her hurt...or worse. But then in the end he sort of caves anyway... :) Very well done.

I also love that in the heat of things, when they are hell-bent on making each other insane and teetering on the edge of a fight, they manage to make each other laugh and make light of a very serious subject. I mean, the headline thing and the "bed rules" were way too funny... :) Squall's sense of humor is so very...well..."Squall."

I can't wait until the next update...I am not a very patient girl sometimes... I hope that the confrontation with Zone doesn't end badly. I guess I shall see.

*big hugs* B
effect20 chapter 54 . 3/5/2013
Haha another easter egg. The don't talk to the paw shirt. That one almost got by me.

Looks like rin is gonna play a big role in this investigation. I have to hurry and read the next chapter to see what trouble they have her into next.

Ps hope everything turned out okay.
theGiftedFreakGriever chapter 1 . 2/28/2013
Hello Ashbear. Been following your FF Net for quite some time, (and no I DO not mean stalking :P ) reading each story as I go along, and I get to this one... Its quite a marathon, and I have YET to sit down and read past the 5th chapter... But, To let you know I will be reading this as soon as I can find a way to port text onto my iPod as to read at work! Hehe Good work, and thank you for everything that you have wrote!
squall-is-cool chapter 87 . 2/28/2013
Too lazy to sign in :(. But I'm still reading and have been checking in all this time, your writing is really amazing. I can't believe how much this chapter could actually make me smile and laugh when I normally have no outward expression when reading unless it's terry pratchett.
I can't wait for the end.
Ronin-ai chapter 87 . 2/25/2013
I liked this chapter and how you let them have a sweet moment together. cute and sexy in an understated sort of way. Now I'm having anxieties about the end. One, possibly two chapters down the road and then...whew! What a journey. Like you, I'll be sad to see it end but happy at what you'll be freed up to create from here.

I know you have awesomeness-ness within you...just let it fly!
Optical Goddess chapter 87 . 2/24/2013
Their fights seem to go so smoothly, wish mine did! But I suppose they've been broken apart for awhile and with him going crazy and her having to leave Garden and all that. I suppose they now know how to fight and make up properly. And haha! The part where she sits on his lap in the chair? I know! I mean, he's a teenage guy with hormones! and she was going on about how she used to sit in her mother's lap and all that.

Ok now time to go kick Zone's butt!

And I did get to work on time that morning after I dropped all of you off. I was actually early.
effect20 chapter 53 . 2/24/2013
Okay real review time.

First and foremost I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I know how scary that can be with kids. I know she will be fine. Stay strong and so will she.

Rin running into Lauren was unexpected but it went down well. Ended up helping them in the short run. With rin being so straight foreward with those girls was the best she could hope for. I can only imagine how pissed squall will be next chapter.

Overall your still doing great . Update when you can and I hope your daughter is well soon.

Uhh squall ...its your girlfriend
What, wait. Which one?

effect20 chapter 52 . 2/23/2013
1900. Yay
Summoner Luna chapter 87 . 2/23/2013
I honestly thought I posted my review to this after I sent you that PM the other day saying I was going to, but...apparently I did not. Fail.

My two biggest thoughts this chapter are first, ahhh the anticipation! I think I started reading this when you were only on chapter 11, so knowing the conclusion is within sight-and especially that something SO BIG has to happen-has me on pins and needles, and this chapter really captured that. The last couple have been in that "waiting period" so to speak, but this one really felt like the deep breath before the plunge-the nervous tension and both being so ready for it to be over but at the same time fearing for what will happen when this bubble bursts and the real world settles in again.

My other thought, is how much I really love Squall and Rinoa's interaction through all of it. To me this is one of the more intimate scenes between them in the whole story. That combination of making jokes, bickering, and sex is so completely realistic, at least in my experience, for when emotions are so high. It's not the most romantic, or sexy, or dramatic by any means, but it's just very, very true to life.
Lina chapter 87 . 2/22/2013
NO NO NO NO NO! Don't end! It was sweet Rinny and Squall spent the night on their ship. It's sad they are in Timber it's over when they kill Zone. I hope it's not him and the General set them up. LOL but it was another great chappie.

Hope your daughter gets better soon. I had my appendix out when I was 12 and know how painful that can be. I'll be paying for you and her.
effect20 chapter 51 . 2/22/2013
Review 2

First and foremost I absolutely love zell. About to play ft8 again just to read his dialogue. Hooray for ps vita. Seriously I wish I could just sit down and catch up with this fic. One of THE BEST fics I have ever read so far. The development the dialogue the descriptions. It's almost if I'm watching it. Very well written. Next chapter rinoa is on the prowl. Squall tries not to die from being away from her too long. Zell...hohoho I can't wait too see what he does.

I promise to read as much as I can to catch up.

Btw how s %& is the weather by u because the weather up here...well if you know Michigan
DragonGirl323 chapter 87 . 2/21/2013
I really loved this chapter! So many exciting things are going to be happening and I honestly can't wait to read more! And I can't believe it's almost over! I've been following this story since the very beginning and I'm so happy that I have! You're an absolutely amazing writer and a wonderful online friend! I'm glad to have met you and kept in contact with you all these years!

Also, yes, you can keep my story on the template! I'd love that! Thank you so much! It's gotten a lot of attention so far and everyone is really enjoying it so I'm happy!

And you're very, very welcome! As long as we're both writing fic I'll be here to support you! :D Looking forward to the next chapter!

valjean jin chapter 87 . 2/20/2013
i pictured this talk many times. squall goes to timber and zone kills him. her friends think the wedding is a dream. i worry rinoa ends up without her lover and her friends. i dont know if i can read the last chapter until i really know. you said once you would tell me so i could read the end or not. can you email me at . to let me know?

Lucrecia LeVrai chapter 87 . 2/20/2013
I've been wondering if I should write you this review or not for a COUPLE OF YEARS. Finally, some thirty chapters later, I've decided that it would be best not to stay silent forever - for my sake and hopefully for your sake as well. This said...

I've been reading "After the Fall" from the moment it was first posted, more than eight years ago. I intend to keep reading it until it's complete. However, for the past three, four years or so, following this story was much more of an ordeal than a pleasure. I welcome each new chapter with a sense of resignation and frustration, not excitement.

Now, I need to explain two things, of course. First thing is: why do I follow the story if I seem to dislike it so much? Simple. The plot, in itself, is very good. Squall's mental breakdown, his faked death, the way he and Rinoa fall apart, the way they get together again - all these elements create a great, memorable tale. I like the way you portray people's relationships, the way these relationships change, the way PEOPLE can change in time and so on. I like the detailed background, such as Garden's policy or Esthar's dirty secrets. As for the "criminal" plot, I really wanted to know who shot Squall and why, what would happen to Zone once he's revealed to be the culprit etc. Yes, there are plenty of reasons to love this story.

But then there's a reason why each update makes me groan. Your writing style. Not your grammar, of course, or the way you build your sentences. There's nothing wrong with that, no. The real problem is, the story is way too wordy. You describe each gesture your characters make, each thought and each emotion with far too much detail. Often, where a single sentence or two would suffice, you treat your readers to one or two lengthy paragraphs. It's not necessary. In fact, it quickly becomes boring and often softens the emotional impact of a given scene.

Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not one of those people with short attention span who can't stand descriptions or long chapters. In fact, I like long chapters, just like I love analyzing characters' feelings in detail - yet I also believe in the idea of balance. A meaningful, concise dialogue between two characters can sometimes express more than a long-winded essay on their personalities. There are things worth focusing on and things worth skipping.

On that note, lighter, humorous bits in this story aren't as funny as they could be. Take the "van from hell", for example - I understand the idea of a recurring joke, yet that joke stopped being funny after about the 20th time it was used. And when one of your characters utters a witty, sarcastic remark (it happens), don't use another paragraph or more to describe exactly /why/ the remark was funny and what /everyone/ present thought about it, again /why/, and how it was related to a remark from three chapters ago... I'm sure you catch my drift.

I realize I'm being wordy myself as I write this review, but that's because English is not my first language and I'm trying hard to get my point across. Well, the point is, write less to achieve more, because what you have here is a good plot that's been overshadowed by too much waffling.

I'm honestly sorry if my comment upset you in any way, or if I managed to sound rude despite my best intentions. I respect your devotion to the fandom, including your motivation to continue this story. But still, I felt that with all the praise you keep receiving, someone had to open your eyes to a different point of view. Also, no matter what you think about my remarks, whether you agree with them or not, I don't expect you to change your writing style all of a sudden - not in this story, at least. My intention was to get you to think and maybe, just maybe, start writing a little differently in the future. Thanks for your attention, in any case. :)
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