Reviews for Sianne's Story
WyldClaw chapter 11 . 4/11/2010
Oh no! Instead of evolving Souriee, dani ended up evolving Sianne!

She must feel so horrible cause Sianne didn't want to become a raichu but Souriee did!

What will Dani say to the electric type?
WyldClaw chapter 1 . 1/23/2010
I think that it is a good start to your story.

Danni's back story is a really good one. I love all of the back stories for her pokemon
WyldClaw chapter 5 . 10/10/2009
I can't believ that those safari zone employees wouldn't believe that danni jumped in to save Souriee! I love that name as well as Sianne- I actually caught a female pikachu on my leafgreen game (my old file got deleted : ( ) and i named her sianne in honnor of your awesome story

Ha! Danni couldn't tell that Souriee was a was
Deluxe489 chapter 12 . 8/22/2009
Well, it was nice to read a story centred around a more realistic trainer, although the key factor in keeping it enjoyable was the fact that it was short (most trainer stories are pretty much one like the other, even with different plots). The way you wrote the story -in a way that gave the feeling of normalcy and not some hard-to-believe events that are truly out there- is probably the best thing this story has going for its enjoyability other than its length. The fact you didn't throw huge paragraphs full of every detail describing an object/person/pokémon helped as well.

That said, though, there are three things aside from syntax and spelling errors that I thought were somewhat detrimental to the story. The first is that you made quite a bit of effort to establish an elaborate back story for the main character. The majority of the back story could have been omitted and the story wouldn't have become harder to understand, because only some parts of it are needed to understand her reactions throughout the story. The second thing was Sianne. You said that her family had this elaborate naming ceremony, but I don't understand what her name is supposed to mean. Also, she takes up a very small portion of the story, making the entire ending seem abrupt when it seems it should go on for at least several more chapters. That, and the way you decided to end it, with a complete rewrite of her mind, which was actually extremely bitter-sweet to me because you went through all the trouble of giving her this big detailed past, personality, and feelings. The third thing I thought could be improved was the speech; when your characters speak, they don't sound real -if I try to imagine them speaking that way in my head, they sound odd and strangely dead, especially Terra, Sarah and the main character.

Well, in any case, I enjoyed the story, though I won't bother looking out for the epilogue because it's been four years or so since you completed it. Your profile says this was written around the time you were twelve (and that you hate the quality of your stories here), but I must say that it's very well written given that age. When I was twelve and wrote my first work -which happened to be fan-fiction- it was even worse than some of the worst on this site. Now, though, after several dozen failed attempts, the stories I write and that I will eventually submit are so much better I can't even explain their difference from before. So yeah, I'd encourage starting writing again if ever you got an idea or something, because you can only improve with practice.
MissingNo chapter 12 . 12/23/2006
Wow! According to me, that's just your best story so far! Outstanding! I understand now why Sianne is... well, how she is ;) Your story is filled with lots of fun information, like how to stop evolution, it's so interesting! And there's lots of emotion too! One more thing: wonderful ending! It's SO true that a family doesn't need to share genes, but love :)
MissingNo chapter 9 . 12/23/2006
Oh, this is so sad... Poor Sianne, she had a very dark past... The sentence: "keeping emotions bottled up is never a good thing" is so true! Wonderful story, Dannichu! I can't wait to read further!
Otte chapter 1 . 5/29/2006
This looks quite good. Like, not completely silly humour but not ultra-serious, save-the-world adventure either.

However, due to being in first person, you should make the narrative a bit more...casual. The first chapter is just getting used to the different characters. I like the non-glamorous approach to pokemon training either. Though I'd like to know why on earth you didn't just wait until you were allowed to bring your pokemon over to Hoenn and just went straight over.

Other than that, good work!
Tony Dark chapter 12 . 4/18/2006
Holy cow! What a great sad, but happy a bit too. I guess that's called bittersweet. I love this story! Keep up the good work!
Tony Dark chapter 11 . 4/18/2006
OH! so sad! Poor Sianne, and poor Dannichu! You write tragedy very well!
Tony Dark chapter 9 . 4/18/2006
I am SO lost. But I haven't finished the story, so I'll just keep reading.
Tony Dark chapter 8 . 4/17/2006
Hm...interesting. Having gotten to know Sianne from AOTCS, I find this pre-Raichu personality...Disturbing, with a capital D. But it's still very good.
Tony Dark chapter 6 . 4/17/2006
WOW! Sarah has a well-hidden temper! I think I'd lose the first time she got angry with me, just because I'd be so shocked. Love your story!
Tony Dark chapter 5 . 4/17/2006
I actually cried after the last two chapters. Not a lot, but it did happen (at school too! Gr...) I feel deeply for Sianne...she reminds me a bit of myself.
Tony Dark chapter 3 . 4/17/2006
Luke is much more dangerous than I previously gave him credit for...I think my guys are at this moment very happy he's a pacifist.
Tony Dark chapter 2 . 4/17/2006
Hey! Cute, although I found the hunger problems a bit saddening...I like the way you feel about Pokeballs, I agree. I suspect that a somewhat knowledgeable electronical person could find a believable way to disable the capture mechanism and leave the ownership mechanism, so that a pokemon would only have to wear the little red button-like a necklace or something. Anyway, good stuff.
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