|Reviews for Love Hina: Of Friendship, Love, and Honor|
| The Eromancer chapter 2 . 10/17/2004
Atually i think you should move them into the small annex from the main building, its perfect for a husband a wife too... consumate their marrage in peace.
If your thinking about the magic one your wrong. If you have the second manga, look at the last few pages at the diagram of Hinata Sou, look at the overhead one and you'll see a small building that is slightly off from the main building but connected by a small walkway (with a roof of course to sheild them from rain). This is where they "should" be moved into, for privace reasons of course.
Another thing, We know that Suu sleeps with Motoko at nights, your gonna have to work that one out on your own.
As for anything else, I think Kitsune should know where to stop. maybe somthing about how maried men are off limits? She may eb a freeloader but even THEY have "some" morals.
AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY "NOT" LEAST!
The Hina Blade... did you perhaps notice that right after Motoko kissed Keitaro he got full control over himself again? I wondered about that for a time and thats when I started to notice an improvement in Keitaro, less clumsy, more wisdom, and certainly his phisical atributes increased.
So I'm thinking that maybe Motoko didn't seal the spirit but Keitaro absorbed it instead. It would explain why all the other times she uses the "evil cutting strike" technique that it fails.
This would make it seamable that when Keitaro draws the Hina blade he would untap the demonic powers in the absorbed demon inside himself, still have full control of his masive dark powers and posibly(more like hopefully) he body wil 'slightly' transform to acomidate... like, oh I don't know. His eyes change color? The glowing white is a Aoyama thing, so maybe red, gold, or amber would be good. Now mind you he also shouldn't change in attidude either, just that he basically gives off a very feircesome presence, and the animosity rolls off him in waves so that 'pathetic weaklings' are frozen in fear... that would be so fucking cool!
Also since Keitaro is a conventional person he will see the advantage of having demonic powers like that and knows that since he's still himself he's not a threit to anyone but his enemies!
Also if you use these ideas, then maybe he should learn to sense things. You when they say someone has "the luck of the devil"? beacuse they always escape danger just int time? its beacuse they have a sixth sense for that kinda stuff and thier bodies move acordingly.
Well that's all I can think of, (maybe too much?) But I will say this, even though he has the power he's not trained, thus inexperianced, even with the sixth sense thing going for him, he would only have a modest amount of power to sart off with... *snaps fingers* I got it! when he gets REALLY and I mean "REALY" pissed he could get a power up! (like a sayan from DBZ!) only he shouldn't know about this until it happens.
Anyways, I'm definetly done now... wow tht's alot.
Keep it up!
| The Eromancer chapter 1 . 10/16/2004
cool, but this should NOT be "G" this is gonna get more serious as it should be, turn it up to "PG-13" and you'll have the right area for this type of story.
Let me tell you, somthing like this just does NOT level out as quickly as I'm SURE your going to do. This WILL take time, and of course filled with many stressful and emotional situations that a "G" rating just can't hold.
(and for once could they have a story where they actually consumate the marrage?)
| RudyHenkel chapter 1 . 10/16/2004
First off, turn off the no anonymous reviews thing - that is, if you actually want reviews. 90% of the time I refuse to review stories that require it, and the same is true for many other people.
Secondly, your writing style and grammar are both very good. This gives you a leg up on many other writers. You characterization seems a little off, but not normally OOC. Naru is fine, but Keitaro's talking style seems strange (not that he's being so firm, just the way he's talking.) You have more leeway with Tsuruko, as her character isn't developed as heavily as the main cast.
Finally, as the other reviewer says, this plotline is very, very done. I have seen no less than 6 versions. The popularity is due, no doubt, to the fact that it is the easiest way to pair up Motoko and Keitaro but, for all that, it seems a little cheap. As you are someone who hasn't written very much (from what I see, anyway,) this is excusable as a test of your skills. However, don't expect to receive huge amounts of praise for something that lacks originality.
If you want to do right with this story, you'll have to take it somewhere no one has taking it before, and that may be near impossible.
In closing, I wish you the best with continued writing. For your next story, I suggest testing yourself with something (relatively) original. I say relatively, because there's practically no such thing as an original fanfiction plotline.
| Pikaash2586 chapter 1 . 10/16/2004
Well, this is a pretty good story. _
You might want to change the title though...(Spelling error)
As for plot recommendations, this type of story has been used quite a lot of times...but they were good. _
| dennisud chapter 1 . 10/16/2004
For a first chapter, very untriguing and well set up.
Now as this was done several times before I'll reserve to review as your version will have to either be better, or different that previous ones.