Reviews for Untitled
myvantage84 chapter 7 . 6/15/2008
I love untitled! this is so good, I'm only on the 7 chapter, but I see this story hasn't been updated in awhile so I figured it review it as I go along...perhaps by the time I get to the end you will have updated it.

Untitled is not your usual female lead, I like the major differences. Uglier than Achmed - that's too funny.

I'm looking forward to finishing it!
GrayRobes chapter 6 . 10/9/2006
Aw...does poor widdle Ashe get weft behind to babysit?

Heehee...I knew he wouldn't get to go. I hate Ashe, if you must know, but be happy to know he is perfectly in character for htis story. And so, I hate him in this, too. If I liked him, you'd be writing it wrong.

You're really leaving me hanging about Untitled. She seems very...vague, thus far. And crabby. Crabby is good, though.
GrayRobes chapter 5 . 10/9/2006
Yay! Disoriented Achmed who is incredulous and stupified and eternally paranoid. I've really warmed up to your story now. As time went on, it got better and better, and now I adore it. Untitled is a bit of a smartass isn't she? Still, the chattering voices haven't been explained. Am curious and obsessed with nowing now. Good suspense going here.

I would give Rhapsody just a bit more voice before the blast from the past thing.
GrayRobes chapter 4 . 10/9/2006
No, on the contrary, this is an excellent chapter. I love it to itsy bitsy pieces. You have the tiny argumentative dialouge in between the Three down perfectly. Fell on the floor laughing when Rhaps said that described themselves! And Achmed's paranoia was really entertaining.

What's with the voice that talks to Untitled? Seems similar to Ashe's dragon side.
GrayRobes chapter 3 . 10/7/2006
I think I love that woman. I never heard of a sinle female having so many scars, but consideering what happened with Achmed, suddenly it is not so surprising. You trap Achmed's character in this chapter fantastically! Rhapsody seems pretty well done, but I'm VERY certain Grunthor would have cracked a joke at the woman. But that is just my opinion. I kind of want to know why the woman has no identity.
GrayRobes chapter 2 . 10/7/2006
Okay, I feel you did loads better this chapter. I think I love this story now. The cewllen disk thing...ow. That's the only word to describe it. Oh, and ew... does a good job, too. I like the woman's sarcastic humor, but alot of it is simply rhetorical commentary, which is also good. Achmed seems so surprised tht she didn't die.

Oh, and you don't need to reply to my reviews. I'd prefer it if you read something of mine.

You don't have to, I just think it's a way of being able to give some critiquing back in spades.

will continue reading...
GrayRobes chapter 1 . 10/7/2006

THis is just too strange. Achmed shot a woman. HE doens't appear to do thta alot. I thnk I'll keep up with this story, simply because you've intrigued me. I think you have too much description, and not enough of your main character's thoughts.
Dalamar Nightson chapter 26 . 10/5/2006
O_O Aahh, please don't leave this cliffie for too long! This was a really good chapter. Short, but really good. Sorry it took me so long to review, btw. I like the way you described the change in the woman, both from Achmed's point of view, and from her own. Update soon, and hopefully I will even review quickly... ~_
The Tornado Chaser chapter 3 . 7/4/2006
This is VERY clever. I'm, once again, very impressed by your ease with which you wrote this. I'm adding you as a favorite author, because I like your style.

The Tornado Chaser chapter 2 . 7/4/2006
Hm. I think that you should refrain from having her try to prove her nonalliance with the F'dor. It makes it too convenient. The less she tries to convince him, the more we're convinced (as the reader) to believe her.

Good job, however.

The Tornado Chaser chapter 1 . 7/4/2006
Clever, depictive, and convincing-your story is very well done. I'm impressed. Most people lack the insight to follow a Hayden story, just because her characters are either too charismatic, or they fall to the dark side and cross the line that Hayden tiptoes. Very impressive, once more.

AngelOfPastPresentAndFuture chapter 25 . 6/5/2006, it's amazing, normally I don't like OC's, but this one is really interesting Please update soon
Dalamar Nightson chapter 25 . 6/3/2006
Oh, really, really good chapter! This is definitely my favorite so far! I loved the disjointed way in which you told Ryder's story, so that the reader could get the basic gist of what happened without learning too much. I hope you going on telling her past in some future chapters. Again, really good, and I hope you update soon!
SKC-ANIME-LOVER chapter 24 . 3/14/2006
I love this story! I really like the speech she said to Achmed. You are a very talented writer. Keep it up.
Dalamar Nightson chapter 24 . 3/14/2006
Yay, an update! Really good chapter. I loved where Achmed told off Rhapsody! So funny... I also really adored the woman's speech at the end. Its great that she can be so insightful, and yet so insane at the same time. The last sentence was a great chapter end. Update again soon! _
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