|Reviews for Head in a Vice|
| Lerolain chapter 17 . 6/29/2006
You know, it was ok until the last chapter when you suddenly skipped to San Andreas. I see you've marked it as complete, but really the last chapter is totally unrelated to the rest of the story. You should have finished it after Chapter 16, and had Chapter 17 as a different story altogether.
There were some tense problems, particularly in the earlier chapters, where some parts were in past tense and others in present. That's really frustrating for the reader but you could easily fix it by reading it through a few times before you post it, or getting a beta reader.
But having said all that, you set the characters up well, particularly Sonny, for the beginning of Vice City.
| mike chapter 16 . 10/21/2005
wow. i didnt read all the story, but from what i read, u obviously put a lot of work into this, keep up the good work with more stories
| darkraven10 chapter 15 . 12/3/2004
it was very good, its a nice prequal to vice city.
| CHRIS HERRON chapter 15 . 11/16/2004
THAT WAS A PERFECT REFLECTION ON GAMES 1-4
YOU SHOULD PLAY SAN ANDREAS AND PUT TOMMY IN CALIFORNIA
| BIG WODY chapter 9 . 11/2/2004
That was pretty good for a gta story.
| Damien Thorne chapter 9 . 10/30/2004
Personally I can't get San Andreas yet, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. So when millions of people are playing the game, this is a good way to stop the frustration and oppose Sony's goddamn contract of exclusivity. Alright I'm getting caried off, but this story has interesting material, good work, I like it.
| Jorge chapter 1 . 10/30/2004
Maybe brush up on your vocab and spelling, find a way to be detailed AND have the story flow well. This story has great potential.
| liam dolan chapter 1 . 10/29/2004
this is a great fic
| Cabana Chica chapter 6 . 10/28/2004
Keep on going with this fic! You have Tommy's hectic life down really well- staying pretty true to what Tommy would really seem like in real life. I liked the newspapter add you included in this fic. Original idea.. Please continue with this at least through Vice City! Looking out for more!
| Imaginariet chapter 2 . 10/22/2004
Your story was good... I like the way you describe the way Liberty City looked back in the early 70's and compare it to present day Liberty. You've got Sonny's character down pretty well, but Tommy seems a little bit too... laid back. Though this is in the 70's and he's younger and not quite as jaded, I still think he'd be more excitable and sarcastic, much like he is in Vice City. You also use to many eccentric words in your dialogue, Tommy is a simple man and his speech reflects that.
Also, Tommy's arrest could've been more exciting. When I picture Tommy getting arrested, even back then, I picture him being chased down and maybe shot, thrown onto a police car or his own car and forcefully handcuffed (just an example, lol), but I never really picture him giving up so easily.
Other than that, I think your story was good. It's a great idea - I'd like to see more authors writing about Tommy's early days, including his arrest. Can't wait to read the rest of the chapter, and I hope my critisism was helpful and inoffensive.