|Reviews for The Nightmare Begins|
| Halofan chapter 6 . 3/5/2005
Hey another fic from a fellow nsider. I like it plz continue
| sych77 chapter 4 . 12/1/2004
Hey, don't worry about taking your time! I haven't updated one of my stories in five months... I think that one's been completely written off... (looks vaguely guilty)
I like where the story is going, but if you wanted any advice (and it's hard when it's an RP) I would say slow it down a bit. Make things more descriptive. Take your time. Go all Zen and worship the words!
sigh -_-' I am so insane
Leeches! Mass amounts of leeches!
The Alpha dude seems to be there suspiciously early *ominous music threatens to play* I wonder what he's up to...
| sych77 chapter 3 . 11/8/2004
So, infection slowed but not stopped? That would suggest that Danielle has to get to a lab to find a surefire cure or risk certain... death...
Go girl, go! Run like the wind!
| Private Hudson chapter 3 . 11/5/2004
Cool chapter, a little short but I liked it though, so i hope you update soon.
| Amelli chapter 3 . 11/4/2004
Okay sorry, my bad.
Not to seem completely stupid (or maybe I am), but what is RE0 RP?
Or maybe I should just shutup now...
| Shady-777 chapter 2 . 10/30/2004
Not bad, not bad at all. Excellent imagery in describing the zombie-I see a mark of talent in you! So is Danielle infected now? How is she going to avoid being a zombie? Oh dear!
Desciptions were much better this chapter, and I can see where you're improving a lot already. Hang in there!
-"I know. But right now, I think the bite on your neck is a bit more important right now."-
Um...maybe you should ditch one of the -right nows- in that sentence. Not to sound rude or anything, but Rebecca sounds a little robotic there. If I were you, I'd eliminate the last 'right now'. It's minor, but still worth mentioning.
A cliff-hanger! And an exciting one at that!
You must continue!
| Shady-777 chapter 1 . 10/30/2004
So far I'm liking it. _ For some reason the idea of Rebecca having a fellow rookie with her on the mission appeals to me.
However, there were a few things I noticed that I feel I should mention here:
-Rebecca gasped, pointing towards a clearing ahead of them. "Captain! Look!" There was an overturned MP vehicle. Dead bodies were scattered on the ground around it. Danielle's eyes widened, looking at their wounds under Enrico's light. It looked like they had been scratched and bit to death.-
You have a few different thoughts in this one paragraph. Right after Rebecca yells " Captain! Look!" there should be a new paragraph describing the over-turned vehicle, and the sentence about Danielle's eyes widening should start a new paragraph as well because you are now switching to another person's reaction. Also, "bit" should be "bitten" for past-tense.
The whole thing should look like this:
Rebecca gasped, pointing towards a clearing ahead of them. "Captain! Look!"
There was an overturned MP vehicle. Dead bodies were scattered on the ground around it.
Danielle's eyes widened, looking at their wounds under Enrico's light. It looked like they had been scratched and bit to death.
Other than that, the story reads nicely. You have reached the point where you should start plotting how this is going to branch off from the original chain of events though. I like the idea of Danielle being there tremendously, but if she isn't going to change the outcome of the original plot in some way, it's like, what's the point?
I've mused on enough. Here I go to the next chappy...
| Private Hudson chapter 2 . 10/29/2004
Cool story so far. Well it seems that Danielle is a goner lol well I can't wait for the next chapter it should be interesting, so hope you update soon.
| sych77 chapter 2 . 10/29/2004
Yay, thoughts! Ignore what i said before!
this is great! Similar to the games, but not the games! It actually IS fanfiction! Yay!
hehehe, sorry, i'm just enjoying your work. Hope to see more from you soon!
| sych77 chapter 1 . 10/29/2004
Hi there, how are you?
I consider it an honour to be the first person to review your story, and may I say- what a story!
I myself have never attempted to rewrite a game- you get some people with very sad social-lives trying to tell you that in no way would ladida happen because someone-or-other would do something else. But I'm not one of those people, and i salute you!
First off, one thing I love about this is that Danielle doesn't immediately take over from Rebecca. She's the rookie, the untrained, and its great to see that she /acts/ like one.
Also, keeps in line with the games.
Just one thing- there isn't a lot of descriptions or emotions shown, but then again its not like you can get a lot of those into a prologue. Still, maybe in the future i could get an insight into the way danielle's mind works?
| Amelli chapter 2 . 10/29/2004
Maybe it's too close to the game. Try something new. Maybe a different angle entirely for Danielle.
The story is really good and I like it, but it maybe hasn't got any reviews because people look for more originality on stories now.
Keep up the good work though! Can't wait to read the chapters to come.