|Reviews for A Not So Sweet Sixteen|
| stardumgirl chapter 7 . 9/8/2009
interesting story can't wait till the next chapter comes out!
| the Unrequited Lover chapter 7 . 5/23/2008
The party could be used as a great way to show character, but you kind of gloss over it.
Again, string of dialogue. It's not only really hard to follow, it's really very dull.
I'm not sure what's with the italics, but that could be a mistake, they happen frequently.
I have no idea where this story is going, even for a rewrite, and you'd think that after seven chapters it would have some direction.
And the ending is dull. Splitting groups into girls and guys and pitting them against each other over such a lack of humor is ridiculous. If you let them mingle, you can learn something about who they actually are.
| the Unrequited Lover chapter 5 . 5/23/2008
I don't see how this has anything to do with Vampire Kisses except for the fact that you are basically writing a vampire love story with your own original characters.
Luckily, there is nothing glaringly wrong with it, but it's not especially interesting about anything in it, either. It's mostly strings of dialogue, for one thing, with no sense of scenery; the characters are completely undistinguished from one another; the plot is really obvious and transparent; and it can get so boring.
Jessica has just moved from elsewhere to somewhere new. Her old place featured a group of friends who get along because they basically like to shop at the same places and get teased by the same people. Not entirely original, but then, I went to high school once too, and that's life. I can't see why she and her friends get along, but then, Jessica has no personality as it is, which is something that's not necessarily great anywhere, but is the kiss of death in first person fiction. You need to write out a profile for her and think of her as her own person before you write this story.
This somewhere new features a hot guy who immediately tells her he's a half vampire, which she quickly tells her friends. Which is ludicrous, and doesn't even happen in the crappiest of fiction. Now, if she told her friend about this and they talked about it to great detail, that would be one thing. I could understand it. But they don't. She just says it and that's it. It's almost painful to read.
As for Dylan, he is a bore and a half. You don't give anyone any reason to think Jessica should like him. A way to kill a romance if there ever was one. And you also don't give him any reason to like Jessica, especially not enough to make her a vampire. That's a real commitment; vampirism lasts forever. Like those diamonds on TV, only for real. The only thing we've seen that's attractive about Jessica is that she's not preppy. Honestly, you just have to wait until high school is over to find not-preps. If you're in high school currently, you're humanly incapable of believing that, and I was from a ridiculously small town and know how that is, but really. It happens. Making the first goth you see in your ridiculously small town into a vampire is really stupid. No one actually does that, logically speaking.
Think of it like this: in Vampire Kisses, Alexander likes Raven for a reason other than her being gothic. She shows herself to have an attitude that is attractive to him from the start. It's not just her clothes and make-up. And to be honest, I don't even like the dynamic between them in Vampire Kisses and don't even know why he likes her that much, but really, Jessica and Dylan are not interesting at all.
All this said, you have a plot you can run with. You just don't have the characters. You have their names and know what roles they need to play in the story, so it shouldn't be hard to turn them into real characters. Get to it. It's certainly possible for you to do this.
| MorganJaymeeXxX chapter 7 . 12/29/2007
pretty, pretty please update! I think you should skip ahead to her birthday! I wanna read about when she gets "TURNED"!
| MorganJaymeeXxX chapter 2 . 12/29/2007
I can't believe she just accepted it like that!
| Twisted Ingenue chapter 1 . 6/27/2007
No...I mean sorry...vampire kisses
| Twisted Ingenue chapter 7 . 6/27/2007
Okay...I'm going to review...
Umm...It's really good...but what does this have to do with the Darren Shan Saga? And...there are many errors and I still don't really see who your characters are...though if you keep it up...it'll work...if I took the time to read it...it does have good potential...do several drafts...edit...and maybe put this out to be published somewhere...this whole idea is GREAT and unique.
| Star869 chapter 7 . 3/11/2007
I think this is a pretty good story so far. It hasn't been updated in a really long time, though. Even without reviews, you have to keep on writing. If people don't review, it probably means that they didn't see anything extremely wrong that they thought you should know about, so it means the story is pretty good.
| Shark Queen 2014 chapter 7 . 11/6/2006
YAY! Vampire Kisses fic! Update please!
| UNknown chapter 7 . 8/26/2006
I like this story!PLease update!
| Moredi chapter 7 . 6/1/2006
EE! That was awesome! NEH! MORE! MORE! MORE! *tackleglompsuffocate*
| BookaholicFox chapter 7 . 5/28/2006
no please continue this story! I have been reading it ever since I first found it. And I read your comment and I want this to continue so bad! I love it so much! The suspense, action I love it!
| Ra-chan chapter 7 . 4/19/2006
hey I love this story alot! Will she become a full vampire? Oh the suspense!
| Raven Maple chapter 7 . 12/12/2005
I LOVE IT! I really hope you can get the next chapter up. I personally have read all of the Cirque Du Freak books that are out like over 10 times each! Please continue with this story!
| nitebird chapter 7 . 11/22/2005
i liked it, but i don't see how it's a Vampire Kisses fanfiction. keep up the work, but i still don't know how your story works in with VK.