Reviews for Modern Jedi
SeeMe chapter 23 . 11/30/2004
Bastardbastardbastard. Finish the story!
Pokey1984 chapter 23 . 11/18/2004
You sure do have a knack for cliff hangers. That sure is a doozy if i do say so myself. Still lovin the story, didn't review last time cause I wasn't online for about a week. I'll make up for it now, though.

Your writing has cleared up quite a bit. You are obviously being more careful with your action scenes, for which I'm grateful. I actually enjoyed this last bit, the sequence of events was very clear and your description was, well, descriptive. At the same time though, it wasn't gory and that is where the fine line exists.

I had a bit of confusion back when he was leaving the temple. I had to read those chapters a couple of times to keep it sstraight, but that might have been my own short comings.

I'm glad to see someone else is finally reviewing. This is a great story and I would like to be able to share it with everyone.

Keep up the good owrk, I am looking forward to your next update.
Jessimyre chapter 21 . 11/15/2004
Excellent! Well written and gripping. Can't wait for the next installment.
K-chan chapter 6 . 11/13/2004
I think at the beginning, when you have Leo think of Ranzel as an imposter, what you probably meant was interloper; otherwise, so far so great! *smooches*
Pokey1984 chapter 16 . 11/11/2004
Ah, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. It seems Jedi never learn, no matter how many centuries pass. If I remember correctly, distrust is what caused the previous Jedi order to collapse.

Oh, well, there's no accounting for free will. :-)

Loving the story, please post soon!

-Pokey1984
Pokey1984 chapter 14 . 11/10/2004
Hi Crimson,

This is definitely quite an undertaking. I'm impressed that you have even considered writing such a story is so short of a time. You are, however, running tino the age old problem. Speed or quality?

You are an amazing writer. Even at the speed you are writing this, it is relatively mistake free. The characters are complete and have real personalities. And you are very good at writing in enough detail to keep the picture clear with out cluttering the story too much.

The problem I've noticed is occasionaly, during the faster-paced scenes, there are pleanty of details but he main sequence becomes confusing. It becomes hard for the reader to keep track of what's happening. I had to read the battle scene three times to figure out what happened after Leo took control of the cannon. I'm still not clear why using the force helped when the turret wouldn't turn far enough. And why did the other fighter just give up when the first one was shot down?

I would reccomend slowing down and reading your work out loud to make sure everything makes sense. I know your under time restraints, but you said you wanted any advice we could offer, so I'm offering.

Keep writing though, I am realing enjoying this story. I would love to learn more about where the heros are right now, if you're looking for ideas.

-Pokey1984
Pokey1984 chapter 10 . 11/6/2004
Interesting. I've seen stories vaugly like this before, but never set in the Far Future of the GFFA. For the most part, we seem to forget that all this happened "a long time ago"

I'm assuming that this is set far into the future, as far as the Star Wars timeline is concerned. Is there any more? This feels like and ending, but very little has actually been resolved.

I would certainly like to see more. What's going to happen next? Is Leo too angry to train? What's going to happen to the Earth? Is there a big battle going on right now or are the jedi just building their forces for no reason. I hope you are writing a sequal or something.

-Pokey1984
Jord chapter 8 . 11/6/2004
Interesting...well-written and definitely different from some of the other SW fics around.