|Reviews for Journey Into Mystery 1|
| gen x chapter 1 . 11/19/2007
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 9/25/2007
A long time ago I looked at some of your other work, but for some reason I never got around to studying your "Journey Into Mystery" series until today. I saw you'd recently posted your newest one, I glanced at it, I saw Jane Foster was Lady Thor, and I said, "What? I'd better back up and take it from the beginning so I understand what's changed, exactly!" :)
Having read this one, I intend to press onward with the rest of the series. Maybe not all today, but within the next week or so, certainly.
Here are some first reactions. My favorite passage in the entire story was:
* Don nearly wept with relief as he sank to the ground. “I near told her how I feel about,” he mumbled as he almost passed out for excretion.
Jane blushed as she hid the now slumbering form of Don under a tree. “So, he finally confesses, only to a stranger.” She mused as she turned her attention to the Stone Men. “Well, it’s a start at least.” *
So now she knows exactly how strongly he feels about her - but he doesn't know she knows. And there's no telling when he'll find the courage to tell her when she's speaking to him as Jane (another year or two might do it, I suppose). I really like this part of your premise for Lady Thor; it has that authentic "Silver Age humorous romantic complications" feel to it, if you know what I mean (and I'm pretty sure you do!).
On the other hand, the last few words of that passage I just quoted should probably be "almost passed out from exhaustion." (Or possibly "from exertion"?) But "excretion" means something else entirely.
This raises a point - while I generally found the story entertaining, and moving along at a decent pace, there were lots of little typographical errors that kept nagging at me. Here were a couple of other examples that I noted:
* His only nurse in fact, as his clinic (with profitable enough to justify his present trip) lacked enough capitol to bring in any more people. *
That should be:
* His only nurse in fact, as his clinic (while profitable enough to justify his present trip) lacked enough capital to bring in any more people. *
* “It figures the Calvary shows up after the fight’s over.” Don mumbled *
That should be:
“It figures the cavalry shows up after the fight’s over,” Don mumbled
I know you posted this way back in 2004, but hey, practice makes perfect! My friendly advice would be to do some further proof-reading . . . or perhaps ask someone else to "beta" it for you?
| Wolvmbm chapter 1 . 8/10/2007
You know there was a WHAT IF issue which asked us the question as to what would have happen if Jane Foster was transformed into Thor.
I think that you have a good thing going here with all of the females roles within your stories. :)
Please keep up the good work. :D