I like your premise and the sci-fi setting, but I think everything happened too fast. Try to add more sensory details and descriptions of how the characters do things, like use adverns like slowly or gracefully, and don't be afraid to devote whole sentences to just the tiniest detail. Try to make the dialogue a little more natural because it seems kind of stiff and forced. Those things should expand it some so it won't feel so abrupt.

interesting, off to read the next chapter!

Ehh, I reviewed and it erased everything. Oh, well. Here it is again.

First, it's okay of not sending over the chapter. :) I was getting over the flu and a bad sore throat for the past week and didn't feel like beta-ing anything anyway. Besides, the chapter looked fine as is. (A little side note, if you feel that the chapter is fine, you don't have to send it to me.)

On to the chapter, I think my favorite part was the scene with Shikijou and Sano brawling it out. It was different than the anime/manga's way, and it makes me wonder how the fight scene with Aoshi is going to turn out. Different again, maybe? It was also funny with the part of Sano thoroughly enjoying himself as he's taking out the fifty-or-so guys.

Update soon,

~*Lynn*~

great fic

I was wondering when you were going to update this... I've really enjoyed this story so far! It's definitely somewhat unique, yet still true to the series. Please keep up the good work, and I'll look forward to your next chapter!

Good work! Yes, it was mushy, but how else are they going to get together? I'm definately looking forward to see how the Oniwabanshuu are going to appear in this story. It's going to be interesting!

~*Lynn*~

This was a fine chapter. It was a bit short, but I enjoyed the interraction between Kaoru and Kenshin. I'm sorry I didn't review chapter 9, I did enjoy it very much. This story is very interesting and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Please update soon! Happy New Year!

OK, I take it back. Go change the "brain percentage" thing after all. Secondly, the thing about him not needing sleep. Being immortal, he might not need it to survive, however, it serves more important purposes than that- namely, it lets the brain reorganize and store all the information you learn during the time you're awake. So if he had all those years to learn stuff, and learned all that crap like you said, he'd have forgotten most of it if he never slept. BTW, him walking through the door might better be explained by him using quantum entanglement to "rebuild" himself on the other side of the door. Just a suggestion. Again, I really like how you make the plot parallel the real story. )

Your story is great so far- your writing has excellent flow. I like how you managed to preserve the integrity of the relationships of the main characters. One point of note, however, for this chapter. Jin'e says something about needing to use 80% of your brain to overcome his disabling mechanism; however, all people use all of their brains, all of the time. The whole "people only use 10% (or whatever %) of their brain" thing is a total myth, perpetuated after scientific research proved that all parts of the brain have a function. That's a relatively small point though, I don't know if it's worth it for you to go back, change, and reload it. )

Well done! I thought the "mod" patches were made up until your A/N at the end of the chapter. Now the story is really picking up. It'll be very interesting to see how the Oniwabanshu are going to appear.

That comment at the end about Kaoru taking love advice from a former street fighter was funny.

-laughs- To get a beta reader, all one must do is simply ask! If you'd like, I could beta for you.

~*Lynn*~

No, you did good on the detail in this chapter. Don't worry, one of these days you'll find your own personal mixture of detail/non detail. That's MY biggest problem, anyway...

I actually approve of Shinta's red eye color. Very nice. While there's nothing wrong with amber, it's interesting to think about him having glowing red eyes. Coolness...

I caught a couple of typos this chapter, but they're easy to figure out and i could really care less.

All in all, great stuff! Please keep it coming!

Well, I must say that this chapter was action-filled! There were a couple more mistakes in it, though. Perhaps you ought to consider a beta reader (*just got one herself*)?

Update soon,

~*Lynn*~

P.S - Shakespeare is one of my favorite authors, other than Victor Hugo.

I've just read your story up to this chapter and I'm really enjoying it very much. BTW, according to the manga, his name is Udou Jin'eh. Using The Flying Dutchman as the basis for your plot is an interesting twist. I particularly liked the description of Shinta's abilities in this chapter. I hope you update soon, because I am looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks!

Wow, many more details! The scenes around the characters were very vivid and clear, but I don't think you over-did it any. Some others may think so, but that's just my opinion.

A futuristic Jin-e is now introduced. It's going to be very interesting to see how Shinta overcomes this adversary. (I also think the guy you were talking about...Servage, I think you called him... in the manga, his name was Tani.)

Yes, we all have lives behind our computer. I can understand you being busy. Updating every day is a definite killer. I just hope you update sometime soon!

~*Lynn*~

Are you kidding? This Chapter's great! I think it is spelled "Jin-e"... but i never wrote a story with him in it, so i'm not a good authority on the subject. I liked your shower scenes! i swear in regular shower/bath scenes it ALWAYS ends with the girl/woman screaming "Pervert!"

Some great Kenshin agnst, with him continuing to kill. (WOT!) "I killed again. This time, I was not blessed with insanity..." Wonderful line.