|Reviews for Struggle Eternal|
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
You have built up a lot of interest and it is so hard to find a decent Fayt/Nel story that isn't abandoned. I dearly hope that you can come back to this. I can help if you like. I have experience "betaing" among other writing skills. You have a good style and I must insist that this fic cannot end on this unfinished note! There must be more interaction between Fayt and Nel! Please consider coming back, with or without my help. At the very minimum please explain why this has been abandoned and if you can, include what you were planning to have happen in this story. Thank you.
| ShadowSnake27 chapter 1 . 6/5/2006
THE STORY WAS SO GOOD IM LOVING IT ALOT I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!
| Lloyd Irving Aurion chapter 1 . 6/19/2005
Are you going to continue this? You really should as it is a very good story.
| Trever chapter 1 . 1/13/2005
Holy Crap O.O
This is such an awsome story! Please do continue!
| Sankontessou chapter 1 . 12/26/2004
Make more, make more!
This is so good! Make new chapters please! Update! rawr!I wanna know what happens next!
| Skweeshy chapter 1 . 11/23/2004
_ Wow-ness! That was a good starting chapter. You did a good job at keeping the characters in character (haha XD That's a funny sentence!) but I think you could have improved a bit. Some of the sentences were awkward sounding, especially: "He was however, making her give ground so he decided to keep at it because ten feet away there was a tree and he would then hopefully make her bump into it"
But it wasn't horrible. I liked it - update soon? -begbeg-
| Sining chapter 1 . 11/16/2004
Always nice to see a FaytxNel fic.
Some minor comments. Fayt seems a bit too cocky when he's about to spar with Nel. He might have gone through everything that he had but in the ending cinematics, he was still quite humble and calm.
| woowarm chapter 1 . 11/14/2004
very cool one
well I'l looking for next one
| ffwarrioress chapter 1 . 11/13/2004
Wow, that's awesome! A very long piece of writing, and you kept to the character's personalities pretty well. I especially liked the fight scene...that backflip that Nel did. D She does that in the game every time she gets knocked down. Very nice! :)
Keep writing please! I always wondered what was behind that gate...but I figured that Greeton would be a really big area and I probably wouldn't get to go there in the game.
| Dark drow chapter 1 . 11/13/2004
OMg...this story is incredable! its about time they started writing fayt/nel stories! any who i dont see any oc every thing is great. your a great writer! plz continue!
| Obsidian Ideals chapter 1 . 11/12/2004
Good job! This looks to be a promising start; I look forward to updates.
Here's a few things I noticed on my read-through:
1) Spelling errors. There was quite a few of these littered here and there, so you may want to run a spellchecker or some other device to help you catch them.
2) Your and you're. Be careful with these two; you've used "your" in many cases where it should in fact be "you're", so I'd recommend keeping an eye out for it.
3) Fate's recollection at the beginning of the chapter is a bit unnecessary; sure, it's a nice recap for those who might have not finished the game or don't remember it all that well, but for those who have indeed played the game enough to remember the plot quite well a recap such as that is a bit of a waste. There's nothing wrong with the recollection, of course, but you may benefit from shortening it a bit or even making it a bit more lively by interjecting Fayt's opinion rather than simply rehashing the events.
4) Along similar lines, description paragraphs aren't exactly mandatory. While they do serve well to paint the picture of what the character is seeing, having a series of actions and events broken up by long and clunky paragraphs of static descriptions is a bit disconcerting. You may want to shorten the descriptions a bit or spread the actual descriptors amongst the action instead.
5) Nel's and Fayt's thoughts are a bit strange, particularly how they always seem to be screaming. : ) Of the two, I would expect Fayt's thoughts to be energetic, but not to the point of needing multiple !s. Same thing applies for Nel, but in the Crimson Blade's case, I would have a more collected and calm mental persona to reflect her own exterior.
6) Dialogue could use a little more life. Most of the characters sound a bit similar, if not the same, so some revision might help. You did a good job of presenting Nel as calm and collected, though her actual dialogue was a bit awkward and informal - admittedly, I haven't played the game in some time, but I'd still expect Nel to be very formal and yet still very passionate in her manner of speaking.
Fayt, likewise, sounds a bit odd. Naturally, his speech and tone would most definitely be informal, and you did a good job at giving him a more carefree sense of speaking, but in this story he has a tendency to speak in rigid and long sentences that don't seem to suit. Just something to keep in mind. : )
7) Grammar-wise, you've done well, although some sentences are a bit awkward. But that will improve in time; you have my praise for a magnficent first try. : )
8) Lastly, here's something to take a look at:
“Not my problem buddy.
| Chaos chapter 1 . 11/12/2004
Pretty good, can't wait for the next chapter _