|Reviews for A Step Onto Chronos|
| Darth Litarius chapter 4 . 9/30/2013
You should probably proof-read this more. Or get someone to do it for you. It's harder to notice your own mistakes.
| Darth Litarius chapter 3 . 9/30/2013
I already know what infintesimal means, you arrogant fool.
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/8/2013
If you choose to yell at me for my constructive criticism it only makes you look stupid with PMS issues since I am not going to be constantly giving hugs and kisses for stories and I will point out obvious flaws though of course I know better then to attack an author.
I sure hope you are not one of those whiny 15 year old fanfic authors who just want attention in their stories.
| Kyle chapter 2 . 2/8/2013
Here is some free advice if you can take it. Paragraphs. Paragraphs and MORE Paragraphs!
If you like rushed conversation with very little to no description of the surroundings then this is you're fic!
If you like characters suddenly appearing in awkward ways without anybody being suspicious then this is for you!
I am sorry but I don't have anything positive to say except to use a beta reader from a serious chrono trigger writer who knows their shit. One story *Sands of Time* or is it *Sands of Fate* is a good story to get examples from when coming to descriptive scenes and while you're story is NOT a novel using that example in you're OWN style would boost it up.
Before you do ANY of that please or yell at me please use paragraphs.
| Guest chapter 11 . 10/12/2012
maybe you should of chose kuja instead
| Alan chapter 28 . 9/13/2010
Absolutly fantastic story.
| kitsunekuruoshii chapter 28 . 1/26/2010
I have now got to replay Chrono Trigger I blame you. Vary good story I shall read the next one now.
| DarklightZERO chapter 27 . 10/27/2009
Ok, first thing I have to admit. I have only read chapter 1 to 20 and then I skipped to the final two chapters. Now that's out of the way, let me give you a review.
1) Well, let me put it this way.
You are preparing to enter the (bad guy)'s fortress. You have adventured long and trained hard for this day. "I have to beat (bad guy) before (something horrible) happens" You declare to yourself. The fortress would most likely be filled in an army of minions and deadly traps but you know that when dealing with (bad guy) you have to expect the worst. You take one step towards the fortress. Then some random person runs up to you from behind.
"Hello (your name), I can help you." The strange man talks very fast "You see everything you have been working towards is a game on my world and I know everything about (bad guy) and his weaknesses because I beat the game loads of times. So let me join you and I can get though (bad guy)'s fortress and tell you about his weakness. So what do you say?"
All you can do is stare the strange man. All what you achieved is part of a game? You consider that his man is just plain crazy but as you think about his apparent knowledge of (bad guy), you instinct tells you that he the only way he could have obtained such information is if he was very close to (bad guy) and the man is planning to lead you into a trap.
Seriously, I never like self-inserts where the self-inserter tells the characters everything on how the game goes. Not only that, Lucca ends up playing the game. However I do have one piece of phrase for you on this subject. In chapter 3 when you character tires to talk to the king in Crono's innocence the Chancellor calls your character out and explains that you couldn't know about Crono's trial. A worse author would have the king and everyone else (except the chancellor) believe your character.
2) You turn your character into a god: (hands up) Well, it’s your story; you can do what you want with it.
3) No description. You rush though everything and as a result you leave minimal description behind. There was no description when your character and Lucca go you your house. What was your house like? Was it small? Big? I think you get my point. Another thing, you seemed to have a instant romance with Lucca. While I have no problem with self-inserts pairing themselves off, I don't like it when the romance is like (snaps fingers). Too be honest the romance in Crono trigger between Crono and Marlie is just the same. The very first mention that Marlie and Crono love each other appear when after fighting Magus
Even I have given you come critisum, there are some good points in the story. Such as the effects of magical overuse, the Doppelganger and the Murasame however these good ideas haven't been developed (like the Murasame possesing someone who found it and was responsible for some murders in the middle ages, however there was someone who was murdered that the gang need to help them. So they have to go back to the middle ages and stop ther murder happening) because the story has been rushed and (I think) not planned. Planning is something that is important for any multi-chapter story. If you want to watch a good self-insert story I recomed "Two worlds combined" in the Tales of Symphona section.
Until next time, Farewell!
P.S. Reading this has sorta inspired me to do my own Crono Trigger self-insertion story but don't expect it soon. I do have alot of real life things to do.
| SmashQueen chapter 27 . 10/25/2009
Hm. It's nice to see this is finally wrapping up. Five years, (soon to be) 28 chapters. It's weird reading Glenn talk now. Turns out he wasn't so formal in the JP version. (Thank you Chronopendium.) Continuing with Chrono Cross after this, right? That's a feat I'm not envy of. (According to what I've read, there's actually a bunch of timelines, like multiple "Another Worlds," in CC... Ouch.)
It's always sad to finish something you put so much effort into. It's the end of something, yet at the same time it's the beginning of something brand new with so many possibilities.
Bravo on completing this fanfic (there's a lot on site that never finish) and good luck with your sequel. (Submitted this a second time since the Wifi decided to act up the first.)
| SmashQueen chapter 25 . 5/26/2009
Considering this is rated K-plus, I feel I should say this: You misspelled 'six' with an e. It's about 2/3 down in this paragraph starting with this:
"We passed through the open hole and down a long hallway, before entering a room that seemed to have six Panels in it."
I corrected the word 'six' there just because I believe it shouldn't even be mentioned in the reviews.
Other than that, I await the next chapter.
| Skyzerk chapter 25 . 5/24/2009
I say keep the whole battle for the epicness
| SmashQueen chapter 23 . 4/5/2009
A name for Kid eh? I actually called her "Kida" when I played the first time (was a kid then and had recently saw Disney's Atlantis). Kaid could also work I suppose.
Nice story (loved the Kamina quote as well).
As for tips in improvement (as suggested below on this window), well, I just can't think of much. Although, a nice long ending (not abrupt) would be nice.
And also, you just ruined the ending of your story by saying that Barog and Lucca were going to adopt Kid. Could have just asked for a different name for her. One thing I've learned is to keep the audience wanting more. To do that, keep them guessing (even if it's obvious, try throwing a curve ball to make them unsure of things). For instance, let's say it could be obvious that a character (say Magus) doesn't like another character (say Lucca). Have one character blush a bit at something the other character does.
Or taking a page out of my own book, do some unexpected things, like have a good-hearted character become evil (or brainwashed), or have a seemingly insignificant character die off (my reviewers would kill me if they saw that second option).
Also, details can make a big difference in capturing the audience. _ Just don't go overboard and bore the audience. :P
[BTW did you know that Leah is Ayla's mom? :D That'd be one heck of a thing to put in the story either in this or the next one. (Found it out by defeating the Time Devourer with Leah in the party.)]
Here's to the ending of a rather interesting fanfiction. _
| The Ionblade chapter 23 . 3/31/2009
uh...I am not so good with names but try a name that makes you think like she's mysterious or something like a gift. If you don't get what I said, that's fine. I wonder now if Joe will ever get back home to our world.
| Tetraforce chapter 18 . 12/16/2008
Is this a crossover with something casue now I am getting confused. Do I need to know something? I can't give any reviews as I am confused at these elemental things cause they weren't in the video-game.
| Tetraforce chapter 16 . 12/15/2008
Rushed but for a first time story it's a pretty darn good fight. I wish it were in the game.