Reviews for His Bride
Ginevra2908 chapter 12 . 8/24/2010
Hey its a sweet story..
ebdarcy.qt4good chapter 4 . 12/30/2008
Your story has a lot of potential, but I find it very difficult to read without proper punctuation, especially around dialogue.

For example:

You wrote:

How does 5:30 sound? I said

Good to me she answered.

Well then it's a date I said.

With punctuation:

"How does 5:30 sound?" I asked.

"Good to me," she answered.

"Well then, it's a date," I replied.

There are many other examples and instances where you need commas, semi-colons, colons, periods, quotation marks (for dialogue). I would suggest going online and google-ing some writing guides or how-to-guides on punctuation, dialogue, and grammer.
ebdarcy.qt4good chapter 1 . 7/27/2008
Good start to the story, and good idea for the basis of the plot. However, this chapter was difficult to read due to the lack of punctuation. Add in some "" for dialogue, and some commas and periods to break up the sentences. If you search on the internet, you can find a guide on how to format dialogue. Fixing the dialogue and punctuation in the story will make it much easier to read and attract more readers. It was a nice effort!
riegert8 chapter 12 . 6/23/2008
I find this to be a very interesting story, I won't say that there part that I don't like. But in all it was a pretty good story, I was going to wait to review after the next chapter but after 3 years I know there won't be no next chapter.
Chelsey89 chapter 12 . 3/15/2006
OMG! I am amazed at how well written this story is! I usually don't like stories that have detailed x-rated scenes in them, but i really just absolutely LOVE this story!

My only complaint is what others have already voiced. Quotation marks. Use them.

Please keep up the good work! and update AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! or sooner if that's even possible!

miligurl08 chapter 12 . 11/27/2005
Are you going to update this? Thanks.
Bobmin356 chapter 4 . 10/14/2005
ugh. Forced marriage law stories are just lame.
Frankie46 chapter 12 . 5/5/2005
Wow! You reveiwed!

These chapters were soo much fun to read, even if they were difficult to understand, because you had no spacing, or gramer in any of the long paragraphs. Keep up the good work!

Kail Ceannai chapter 10 . 4/25/2005
A pretty well written Skeeter article. What did the picture look like?

"Qutotations marks!" cried the frustrated reader.
Kail Ceannai chapter 4 . 4/25/2005
Quotation marks! Quotation marks!

With all of the internal thoughts and commentary it was almost impossible to tell what was dialouge and what wasn't before one read it. That made it nearly impossible to visualize a scene.
Kail Ceannai chapter 1 . 4/25/2005
I would highly reccomend editing this chapter to include quotation marks where they are needed. The lack of puncutation makes the fic quite difficult to read.
NativeMoon chapter 6 . 4/24/2005
OMG I SO love how portrayed Snape heere - laughed myself bloody silly - JUST EXCELLENT! I knew all it would take is a good woman to lighten him up ROFLMAO.

Oh and that first date - just sweet. And Harry opening up to Sayward is a great start...I will say it again - she is a very lucky girl.
NativeMoon chapter 4 . 4/24/2005
I have to say one thing I would like to see explained is the rationale on the Ministry's part over these arranged marriages. Out comes a decree with no explanation - then again that is government for you - they dont have to explain anything and usually dont do it well enough if they do it at all.

Oh you are just so cruel about my beloved Severus ROFLMAO - I LOVE IT just the same though! Remus Lupin is my second fav and yes I agree he would be a great guy to be forced into marriage with. Poor Ginny - Stan Shunpike now I ask you. A Ron and Hermione shipper like me - Excellent! Now Harry with a 'tache contemplating a beard - have mercy! I love how Sayward doesnt see herself as anything great but in the eyes of Harry she is a beauty. I tend to think that love is like that...someone is beautiful to you precisely because what is shared between you...

Now I am surprised Mrs Weasley hasnt thrown a hissy fit over Harry marrying anyone but Ginny LOL! And Dumbledore and that twinkle - look out! And the marriage is a handfasting - excellent. I stick with Pagan traditions because that is EXACTLY what the wizarding world is - and they would honor the God and Goddess...I love how Harry is handling all this and have a good feeling about these two...Sayward is a lucky girl even if it doesnt seem like I think...
NativeMoon chapter 3 . 4/24/2005
Wow - I really like the premise of this story. And I totally agree with your take on the age thing. When I first posted here I was blased all the time because my OCs tend to be 'underage' - as you say its still customary all over the world...and to me it fits the wizarding world perfectly.

I am looking forward to seeing how Sayward and Harry end up together and how they deal with their situation. Percy in Azkaban - I wasnt expecting that but GREAT! I like it that Ginny has taken the girls under her wing. Harry is even more powerful than Dumbledore - makes perfect sense as he would have to be to defeat Voldemort and live...

Leaving the tedious bit for the end: I see the points raised about punctuation etc. I tend to write so fast I drop punctuation and even words - so no need for me to talk hee hee. I have had too many bad experiences with Betas so I guess I am doomed...

On I go with this great story.
Wytil chapter 11 . 4/20/2005
RE: Chapter 11

I think you wrote this chapter first , then wrote the rest of the story around it.
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