|Reviews for The Indefiniteness Unbeknownst To Us|
| noddingheadgirl chapter 2 . 2/9/2006
wow, that was beautiful. amazing. written soo gracefully. Thats the only way to descibe your writing, graceful. Are you planning on writing more?
| Bex chapter 2 . 5/8/2005
"This is real. This is their bed. They are here, together, not a he or a she but a them.
As simple as it is, this is a tough realization for them to process.
They have made love in their bed.
They seem to think this at the same time; their eyes find each other, and not long after, their bodies do the same. "
You are an amazing writer.
Like Leigh said, how old are you? D
Its so beauitfully written and yet so REAL!
The scene in italics was brilliant, you wrote about the differences between how it was and how it is wonderfully.
Beautiful. So sad. I love this story.
| Jessica12 chapter 2 . 4/21/2005
Well, what can I say..This is beyond beautiful, wonderful, perfect. This is WOW. It feels like I have open a book by some famous writers and started to read about a couple in called Rory and Jess. I wish I could tell you HOW MUCH I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE! I love the fact that you use the smallest things to let us, the readers, know the state of their relationship. I love the fact that you can describe the city of New York ( I have never been) so well that you can almost imagine being there.
The smell of spring in Central Park, the scent of burnt hot dogs and cold pretzels at each corner, the fumes of the buses, the musk of Chinatown, the colognes of the rich on Park Avenue, the cigarettes in the Village, the aroma of the Hispanic foods in upper Harlem.
Very! Very good!
I love the fact that you used the thing with the mattress so...WOW...The fact that you let us see how things once were between them.
They stink as if they haven’t seen soap in days.
This is not what bothers her.
When she passes them, she can smell the tears on their faces, the stale food in their sighs.
They reek of dead dreams.
That part is just...Amazing.
Oh, I get so mad that I can't find more words to love about this story. I tend to clam up when I get excited.
You should never, ever doubt that you have a gift. You should be really proud of this. You should go public or something. You should turn this into wherever you turn to when you want anything published.
But don't u ever stop this. I love every single word you put down on paper. And the way this story is turning out is just amazing. After reading the draft to the first chapter..I can't believe how good it turned out and I feel a bit..Well, stupid for not realizing how amazing ability you have :blushing: I feel, really, really stupid...
You're like my hero now.
You're the QUEEN of angst. You know that, right? Never ever doubt it!
I will shut up now...But don't forget...Amazing, that's what you are..;)He
| Wonderlandleighleigh chapter 2 . 4/13/2005
"When she passes them, she can smell the tears on their faces, the stale food in their sighs.
They reek of dead dreams.
She does not know that he can smell them, too. Unlike her, it is not them he despises.
He despises the people who, in a selfish desperation, murdered those dreams for them.
He despises them with every being of his soul, and he remembers this, each time he hears the violinists’ weakened notes."
How old are you again? 20? 30?
I still can't believe you can write like this. I'm so proud!
But I guess you're not giving us a happy ending, huh? ;)
*hug* This is amazing, as are you.
| smile1 chapter 2 . 4/11/2005
This was so beautiful and your wording is just amazing; you know just the right things to say to make it all even more intriguing to read. I envy your writing...and can't wait for the next installment.
Bye, smile :-)
| Tina chapter 2 . 4/10/2005
It's authors like you who make me sad that I'm such a horrible reviewer. Because, really, you deserve a better review. To echo Meg, I wanna review like Ari!
But...on to the actual review.
I loved it, especially the part in the italics. I love the contrast between then and now. It's sad, but you pull it off perfectly.
The first line: "It is quite a life to wake up, each morning, with a weight, pulling and pulling, in the stomach."
Perfect job of setting the mood, right there. And...I just really loved the way you put that, for some reason.
"They make love, of course. But not like eighteen-year-olds, in delight of having an empty apartment to themselves. Not like adults, pleased with their own performances in the bedroom. Not like a newly married couple, enthralled by the idea of just being married.
They don’t even make love like themselves.
Neither is sure of what they’re doing, of who they are. But they are sure of each other."
Oh, wow. Just...I loved that.
| music4mysoul chapter 2 . 4/10/2005
Wow... this is very good! Keep updating because it's a very ineresting story!
| Meg chapter 2 . 4/10/2005
I think I forgot to review a while ago. 'Cause I have definitely read chapter 2 before. :$ So sorry. *hugs*
Amazing. Just, spectacular. I especially love the end part of chapter two. It is so real and...just...you did an awesome job.
I can't wait for more. :-) *hugs*
Oh, and I wish I could review like Ari. *shakes head* 'Cause basically everything she has said, I feel the exact same way. :p
| GQSecondAct chapter 2 . 4/9/2005
:points: YOU updated. BEFORE me. :)
this was...like reading poetry. i loved how you contrasted their lives now to when they were first married (they're married right? Oh forgive me, it's 1:27 am and I'm suffering from bizarre insomnia). I loved the part in italics, about the mattress. and this was quite possibly the best line i've heard in a while:
They have made love in their bed.
They seem to think this at the same time; their eyes find each other, and not long after, their bodies do the same.
that was so...classicly intimate. just perfect. it reminded me of certain rory jess moments on the show - i mean, they never really DID anything, but there were particular scenes that were just choking from the sexual tension, and that made me think of how, in this story, they relieved it for awhile.
i feel so sad for them in this story. i hope you keep updating this so i get to know your rory and jess even better. and i hope this isn't all angsty and sad at the end. but who am i to talk :)
thanks for always dropping a line and everything. you're doing a lovely job with this piece. please keep it up, darling.
| ArdentTVFiend chapter 1 . 12/20/2004
| Arianna555 chapter 1 . 11/23/2004
You deserve at least 15 reviews for this, right now.
And if me reviewing 15 times would do that, I would, but 1) the computer won't let me and 2) I know it's not the same. But it doesn't change the fact that this deserves it. So much.
It's so original, and so beautifully written. I love how it starts out just...right in the middle of things. And continues so perfectly, without needing to actually stop and explain. It's all so fluid and so...fitting for the story. Amazing.
“Do we have a clean towel anywhere?” They hardly bother to address each other using names anymore.
Bittersweet is an incredibly hard thing to nail down...and this is it.
They love each other (do they? don't they?) but there are all these problems. They don't address one another using names, they get into arguments, they are in debt. They wonder whose fault things are...
But you never say that, exactly, just leave it up to the reader to see that (and take it the way they want to in a way, because I know I could be wrong. Hee), and that is so cool.
They are immune to each other’s harshness and frustration, or so they like to think.
I know you've heard me go on and on about how much I love realism in stories...I love this. All this little dialogue, these short sentences that mean so much. It's so sad. It's just...I don't know how to describe it. But...wow.
I want to quote everything.
So many lines I just stop and...whoa.
“Well, excuse me for asking one damn question.” She turns around, and heads over to their makeshift bedroom. She rummages through a pile of shirts, and pulls out the first one that looks clean.
Don't ask me to specifically describe why I love this so much. But...wow. (I need a thesaurus.) Wow.
He knows she isn’t embarrassed of changing in front of him; they are married after all, strictly by law at the moment, but still married. The dark haired man blinks, and looks at, not into, her eyes again.
This says...SO MUCH, in these two sentences. It's this sort of thing that means you don't have to go back and say...they're married, they're having trouble, they're not entirely happy. It's just there. If that makes any sense...? I love that you used "The dark haired man" instead of "Jess", and that you used "her" here instead of saying "Rory". And I can't think of the phrase (never can...) that means what I really want to say, but this is incredible. It just...is it weird if I keep repeating that it says so much in so little? I'd kill to be able to do that. ;)
She drops it, or, as she’d reason, it slips out of her hands.
This is Rory. This is so Rory. And...ahh, I'm so bad at saying things right. Didn't I say this last time too? That I'm bad at saying things, that is. *sigh* It...fits her so perfectly into this situation. With Jess, alone... Just...
It's so original and so new for her, but at the same time...she's used to it? Is that what I want to say?
If I can't think of how to say it right this much, that means it's fantastic. But you knew that.
What kind of world is it when the weather mirrors you?
This is an incredible observation. The...WOW, I never thought of it that way. It's the kind of thing that sticks in your head and you randomly think of later.
One of Rory’s hands is still placed on the cold metal handle, the other on the equally cold sink. Ironically, she feels warmer behind the chipping wooden door. She always has taken comfort in not dealing with her problems.
It's amazing because you have these characters so well. Rory, and Jess, in this new situation, and one we rarely ever see in any kind of story. I've never read anything like this. And their characterization is so perfect here. Her, "taking comfort in not dealing with her problems." Him, worrying about their situation and everything...wanting to take care of her sort of but...
Agh. The best way to say this is *points to fic* Everyone should read this.
She wants her scream to cause tremors around the earth. She wants to shock people. She wants so much, but all she has is pent up frustration.
Another one of those lines that means SO MUCH. And it really amazes me. I love things like that. And this is a beautiful way of putting it.
That’s my calculator,” she comments, when she sees what is in his hands. “That cost a lot of money.”
“I need to use it.”
“It cost a lot of money,” she repeats, but she doesn’t know why.
This exchange...I was thinking about this for so long after I finished reading. It's so penetrating and so real, and again, so sad. I don't even know why. But it is. And it’s wonderful. And it just makes me want to...fix things, but of course I can’t.
“I’m not five.” He says the sentence slowly and fiercely. They sit in silence at the same table.
This has always been an issue with them, and it would have gotten to be so much more had it kept going, I think. ( Jess may be the older one by a few months in the literal sense...but he needs to establish that he's not the younger one. He made the stupid decisions but in some way, he knew what he was doing. Not being an Ivy Leaguer doesn't mean he isn't smart.
You show...his frustration with that, and with her, and with not being in control of the situation. He hates that he doesn't know what to do.
I'm sorry I'm going off on all these long tangent things. $
The more he gets frustrated the harder he pushes the buttons on the calculator.
“The calculator?” She does not catch on until he denies it.
Oh God, oh God.
“No shit, Sherlock.”
I can literally hear Jess saying that.
He hates when she is right.
This is beyond amazing. It really is.
He doesn’t notice the paper that falls to the ground, and brings darkness to the two separate worlds residing in that room.
And so he lets himself float away, in a small bubble of nothingness.
And the ending...wow. Wow. Wow.
The title is so perfect for this too. The whole fic...
I'm not saying any of this...because of what you said. I want you to know that. I can't get this fic out of my head...and that means it's more than good. I can't wait to know what happens, although I so shouldn't be someone to pressure updates. ;)
This is fabulous, and fantastic, and so painfully amazing. And I'm really beginning to think that not *all* the great stuff is "always found eventually" because this would prove my theory wrong. You are SO, so talented.
Don't give up! And don't forget that. - *hugs*
| miloaddict chapter 1 . 11/15/2004
Oh WOW...it's so sad and heartbreaking- I'm loving it!
| GQSecondAct chapter 1 . 11/15/2004
Wow. This is very well written, but quite depressing and morose and saddening. I am a very oblivious person, so I haven't noticed your penname anywhere, and I am shocked at how good this is having never read anything of yours before.
This is just depressing. Wow. It gives me this thought of, "Well she came with him, and look where she is now." I really sympathize with Rory in this story. It seems very...not anti-Jess at all, per se, but very biased to Rory's side of the argument. This makes me feel (so far) like she's putting her all into something that she knows would never have worked out the way she wanted it to; sort of like she feels as though she regrets coming with him.
I sense love between them, but they're not recognizing it. The harsh way in which you make Rory and Jess snap at each other really emphasizes that.
"They are immune to each others' harshness and frustration, or so they like to think."
I always wanted to write a line like that. One of those "deep" type ones, where you state a fact but some sort of meaning or figurative double en tendre goes along with it. Your writing, in rare moments, resembles the writing of others. You have a stable style that really fits your story well.
"She drops it, or, as she’d reason, it slips out of her hands."
This sentence really sums up her character, all in thirteen words. Very uncanny. Very Rory.
"He sees the sun, trying to push through the clouds and the rain, and he suddenly feels as if he is in a novel. What kind of world is it when the weather mirrors you?"
Whoa. Loved it. I don't know why I do...it's just very JESS.
"She then forces her hands underneath cold running water. Soon she feels pain and then her hands are numb. She’s beginning to understand the action of physical hurt to take away from the emotional kind. She stays in the bathroom for a minute or two more, letting her hand caress the wooden door. The part of her she does not know, the one she has just been introduced to through the water incident, hopes she gets a splinter. That side of her scares her. She’s partially in a trance because of this now, and when she exits, she bumps into Jess."
Holy shit. Ooh, sorry. But really, that was so good. That whole paragraph, actually. It's so...wow. You show her character's drastic change (you can assume it, anyways) over the past four years.
OK, so I've got homework, but this was terribly amazing.
Please keep it up.
| smile1 chapter 1 . 11/15/2004
Excellently written and in character.
Bye, smile :-)