|Reviews for The Fall of the Clan|
| Guest chapter 7 . 3/13/2013
Maybe you could make a sequel... Unless you already have one. I going to have a look now.
| walutahanga chapter 7 . 10/7/2005
'Fall of the Clan' has to be one of the best fanfics I've ever read, along with the Prison series. I love the way you don't avoid the really difficult issues, or give yourself the easy way out. You tackle them head-on, and aren't afraid to admit when you don't have all the answers (ie. the end of the 'Glass Prison' - morality versus survival). Your plots are simple yet compelling, and you absolutely nail the character voices. Not only that, but you totally saved Venus for me. Your fics made me aware of the opportunities and delemnias associated with a female ninja turtle.
Anyways, hope you keep writing!
PS. Eve has to be the one of the best original characters I know of. She's not particularly likeable, but she's believeable and understandable.
| Tony Dimera chapter 7 . 5/9/2005
Damn, this could be the best TMNT fic I've ever read.
The clans is splitsville.
Raph is doomed to wander the world alone, Mikey and Donny are justing looking for a new place to call home.
I'm glad the Venus and Leo hooked up though, they make a cute couple. At least those two can salvage some happyness together.
As for Splinter and Eve...hope they like their new home in Dragon Lord's stomach. And they couldn't deserve it more.
This story is excellent. Can't wait to look at your other fics.
| davewriter chapter 7 . 3/25/2005
With your obvious writing talents, I'm going to have to side with your parents, and encourage you to try your hand at an actual novel. If you've proven yourself in the fanfiction department, then maybe you can do just as well expressing your own ideas.
It's really a shame the clan has disbanded and gone their separate ways. I can understand the part where Leo destroys his sword, and the significance behind it. Hopefully they can soldier on in the face of this tragedy. Speaking of soldiering on, I like how you ended this humorously, where Don and Mike fight over who gets to drive.
I just had an idea as I was reading this chapter. As a extra, create a new "chapter" for this fic and, instead of adding to more "plot," include the lyrics to one of Avril Lavigne's latest hit songs - "Nobody's Home." I think that song best reflects the main idea behind this story. Do a Google search on "Avril Lavigne Lyrics," select the best site, copy and paste here.
I'm adding you my "favorite authors list" and I hope to read more of your stuff - though I don't know about your "Mary Sue" fics; by concept, they sound a little girlish... LOL
| Sassyblondexoxo chapter 4 . 3/24/2005
Hey again...Just wanted to tell you that I visited your webpage today. LOL, your part about writing TMNT fanfic was Awesome - I wish that there was some way to make that a mandatory read before you post something! Might clean things up around here...
Oh, and the picture of you and the cheetah was cute too!
| jack chapter 7 . 3/21/2005
Yeah go Splinter. THe old man needs soome attention don'tcha think? Good story so far
| Sassyblondexoxo chapter 7 . 3/20/2005
Wow, can't tell you how excited I was when I saw that you had updated!
Sorry about the University thing not working out - it's not for everyone. Sometimes you need time to figure out what you really want to do...and if it's literature, then so be it! Just keep following the dream - you have the talent.
So, everyone ended up going their separate ways. Tragic, but frankly, a VERY plausable reality. Life isn't always peppermints and gumdrops. I commend you on another well done piece of fanfiction.
As for your next project...PRISON SERIES! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! (I don't mean to be pushy or anything...*grin*)
Excellent job! SASSY
| Chibi Rose Angel chapter 7 . 3/19/2005
I can totally relate to loving what you do, howeve, I don't think you should have dropped out of uni. But then again, it is not my place to tell you what you should or should have not done. I just hope that life brings you happiness and joy in whatever you do. You gave us this wonderful piece of art so I know you'll succeed in whatever else you do.
| governmentcontractor chapter 7 . 3/19/2005
It's over! Great finale, and worth the wait. I was getting worried about Leo, there alone with Splinter, until you had Venus come back.
| Reinbeauchaser chapter 7 . 3/19/2005
GAH, you leave it THERE? I guess we have to fill in the blanks with Splinter and Eve and if the Dragons find them.
Raph, ah, shoot, poor guy...I hope he connects with Don and Mike
Seems Don and Mike, as well as Leo and Venus, have the best future. At least they 're not alone.
Gee this was so well written. I'm sorry you gave up Uni. What about majoring in literature? Yeah, you cna be a journalist and many journies end up writing their own books. Or, an artist, although that's my daughter's major and her roomies are so glad they focused on Biblical studies or math or whathaveyou. LOL Lots of project assignments in art, I guess.
As for your sequel ideas, I vote for the PRISON series! Since you do humor every now and then, that would be a nice turn for that storyline.
Anyway, Mary Sue was good, too, so - well - it's hard to say which one would light my eyes up more! LOL
Anyway, a great job, a very angsty if seemingly unfinsihed ending, but a terrific story all the way around.
| jaxink chapter 7 . 3/19/2005
Seems to me that this was quite the fitting end for this tale. The guys all headed in different directions, and I just hope things will turn out all right in the end...
Good luck with whatever goals you set out for yourself to accomplish. I know you'll do great.
fallen hikari _
| Buslady7803 chapter 7 . 3/19/2005
Damn...poor Leo but at least he decided to screw the whole situation and go with Venus.
I'd like to see(well naturally) where Raph ends up. It'd be a neat series to where each ends up but alot of work I know.
Tell your parents writing fics is like practice for the real thing. That's my excuse. But I'm nowhere near as good, I can't believe you never took classes! You got the knack, never lose it.
| davewriter chapter 6 . 1/26/2005
Hello, Ninjalara, this is davewriter.
Your story was recommended to me in an e-mail that Buslady of SoCal sent to me this evening. I have read all six chapters, and I like what I read so far.
I like how you used the Seven Deadly Sins as titles for your chapters - very clever. May I assume that the next chapter, "Greed" will be the last? The writing is tight, dramatic and action-packed, but not as fresh as it should be. I detected a fair number of out-of-narration cliches throughout these six chapters, most of which were found in the Sloth chapter (Chapter 5.) I don't have time to list them all here, but drop me an e-mail, and I'll give this a second go through and get back to you with a list.
I also feel that, after the seventh chapter is posted (may I also assume you're working on this now as I'm typing?) you should go back and convert this into the present tense, leaving any and all flashbacks in past tense. Present tense will put more life, importance, intensity and vivaciousness into the story. Since I noticed a rather smooth time flow in the plot, your readers will also feel that they are witnessing the events in this story as they unfold.
Lastly, once you've accomplished these tasks, I highly suggest you contact the TMNT creators, and ask for their blessing for it to be published professionally. This is a great novelette, and once you complete the tasks I've suggested, it should be worthy of being published into a book aimed at high school and college aged readers.
Thanks for reading this review, and I look forward to the next and concluding (?) chapter.
| Buslady7803 chapter 6 . 1/25/2005
Holey & #(*$$)( #*$)(*#
I hope ya update this soon..please...
Raph's messed up bigtime, and I thought he was messed up in my fic, this takes the cake.
| jaxink chapter 6 . 1/22/2005
I apologize for not taking notice of this story sooner...it seemed to slip right by me...either way, it's my own loss for not reading sooner...
You do an excellent job of characterizing everyone...their emotions, actions, and feelings are so raw, so real. Nothing is sugar coated, and none of your words are softened.
I think that I could literally cut the tension you have created within the story, each character playing out their part ever so carefully until...BAM! Things start to unravel in their "perfect" world and lives.
You really are doing wonderfully. I shall try to wait patiently for the next chapter...okay, okay, so I won't be so patient as I will be anxious and jittery! You'll just have to update quickly!
fallen hikari _