Reviews for First Born of the Thirteenth House
fiesa chapter 20 . 5/20/2011

I've just read my way through your story in... let me think... Something like three days. That's fast, considering the fact that I do have other things to do during day, and slow, because I had to do other things... Whichr eally drove me insane, especially today, because I wanted to finish reading so badly!

I have seen your name mentioned many times while reading through Weiss Kreuz fanfiction. And even though I mostly read one shots I decided to try this story out...

Your story is amazing. Reading it was a whole new experience for various reasons. Normally, on long chapters like yours, I scan most of the text quickly. Not in your story. Normally, I also only briefly scan descriptive parts, like the structure of the First House, its furniture and decoration, or paragraphs in which "minor" main characters appear. Not in your story! I was awed by the richness of the details you included (I can just see the carpets, stairways and halls of the First House), the authenticity of the characters, be it the side characters or the main ones, their interaction and by the plot itself. Everything came together flawlessly and perfectly (though I did wonder what became of Manx, in the end, but I guess she was running around making sure noone could harm the Royal Family) and I loved every single chapter! I'm sorry I didn't take the time to review every single one of them. I guess I could say I just wanted to continue as fast as possible but that, in a way, is an excuse as much as every other thing I could say in this place.

There were many things I found absolutely beautiful.

For example, Aya's doubts as to whether Ran would be estranged now that he has become paired and her relief when she realized Ken had helped Ran become even more himself than he had been before. Yohji's and Omi's building relationship (whatever might be to come on that road). Yohji making fun of Ran, or Ran desperately trying to make Ken behave "representable". The first "feeling" Ran got of Ken - the touch of magic in the courtyard of the Thirteenth House. That sentence was absolutely beautiful! The way Ken grew up - you made him live through fourteen years and more in the wake of two or three chapters, I think, and it was neither too short nor too long, just plain perfect. The little foretellings of Ken's aunt - and Ran promising himself to eat when she tells him to. I don't know whether it was purpose or not, but I loved her little hint at the fact that Ran should tell Ken about their pairing soon - because obviously he missed a few perfectly good occasions to do so! *laugh* And the way Ken and Ran grew closer was beautiful to watch, until the very end. I think that last scene was a master piece, them dreaming the same thing and Ran suddenly waking up... The princes and princesses of the First House were great! I love extended families. Though I normally mostly skip over the not-so-important passages when too many side characters are involved, I enjoyed every single part in your story. I especially liked Prince Kenji watching Aya playing Go Fish, they seem like a nice couple. Hmmm... Isn't he too old for her? I don't know Aya's and Ran's special ability was a very nice idea. And the term "Ran the incompatible". And the entire idea of the Thirteen Seats, Houses and First Borns. The magic in itself, the flying horses (Oh I want to see them!), the Gates, the stone-that-absorbs-magic, the duality of Ken's magic (creativity and destruction), his character (gloomy and depressed, lively and annoying (Ran's face after that first morning when Ken woke him must have been hilarios!), Ran-the - how did you call him? Grammar Nazi? Um, well, yeah, Kase-the-evil-twin... The moment you mentioned Ken had a twin you really, really got me. I hadn't expected anything like it! But the moment you mentioned him, too, I knew it had to be Kase. Kase and Ken... Just perfect! I had been wondering about the plot when Ken agreed to let his uncle take the Seat magic because I wasn't sure what you would continue with in the plot. But it was perfect the way you continued! Ursula was a wonderful character, giving a piece of her mind to the Queen. The king was great, too, testing his children like that. Though the ending came quick I wouldn't have wanted it any different (one moment they're practicing floating candle sticks, the next they are up to an army, but I realize there has been some time in between and this isn't meant as criticism. It wa sjust something I noticed and I hope you don't mind me mentioning it!). Oh, and the ending. Did I mention the ending was absolutely beautiful? . And the fact that Tris came back to apologize. And Manx, as a kitchen helper, spy in disguise. And Omi as a singer. And Yohji-the-Prince was just perfect, too, I loved the fact you made him his brother's guard and not the crown prince himself. Ran's bed was nothing I'd have expected. Is it really THAT big? *laugh* No wonder Ken thought eight people would fit it! Though I loved all characters, Aya, Ken and Ran were especially dear to me, including all their quirks. Their overall interaction was so beautiful to watch.

Oh, I guess I could go on for some more time. I apologize for the length of the review, I hope it doesn't bother you, but I really wanted to tell you I enjoyed reading your story from the bottom of my heart! You did an amazing job. Thank you so much for writing and posting it! It absolutely made my week.

I'm pretty sure there are more things I wanted to mention. I'll remember them the second I press the "Submit" button... -.- But well, I guess I've already made this long enough. Thank you, once again, for this wonderful story! I think I won't be able to read another Weiss Kreuz story without comparing it to this one.
Vera-Sama chapter 20 . 5/17/2008
It took me a few days to read this, but all of my spare time went to doing so. I have to admit, when this story was originally being posted, I didn't read it. I kept thinking it 'wasn't my type of story', but now, I wish I'd read it sooner!

You've got a real talent, and this story is just...awesome. I've been on the edge of my seat sice I started reading, and now I'm off to start the sequel.

As for the Ran/Ken, it was slow in developing, but that seemed more likely, given their personalities. Like I said, I can't wait to read the sequel. Please keep up the great work.
Murasaki-yanagi chapter 20 . 10/4/2006
I'm reviewing this after the sequel because I got caught up in reading it all. Gomen. So the details are a bit fuzzy. But I know you have said before that you don't have much yaoi because your husband reads it too and I think that is in its benefit. So tell him I appreciate it, which I doubt many fans have! _- It makes the consumation of their relationship all the sweeter. The smothering of feelings for a long time emits more passion later.

The story as a whole was wonderful as always. I was so excited that you had written something again. I know it wasn't intended but I couldn't help but relate it slightly to your other series. Not that it took anything away from the creativity and enjoyablity of this one. But things like the 13th house conjured up some similiar mental pictures for me. And the part where they buried Ken's family at the chapel, I couldn't help remembering the ruins. Maybe it was because Ran and Youji were in similiar roles. And Ran saves Ken again...even though Ken saved him first. _ In fact I think I just might have to read those stories again. So take care and cook up some more morsels for us fangirls to devour hungrily! _-
Caffreys chapter 20 . 9/26/2006
Oh god, I love this story! Really! I love the way you set all the things together, the way Ken is, the way Ran is, everyone and everything! I've read it once, but I'll read it a second time, cause I never can get enough of good stories! Congratulations to a very very good story!


Broken8 chapter 20 . 6/29/2006
I was drawn back to fanfiction with an overpowering urge to write. Once I hit a small writers block I decided to read a story to try and get over it. I figured that the story I'd chose would be not even worth my time. When I saw how many reviews your story had I figured it had to be at least decent so I started to read it. Well, I was VERY mistaken. This is an amazing story. I can't wait to start the sequel. As found as I am of the lovey mush cute stories and the comdies a great adventure/drama/tragedy is always appreciated. I think it takes an very skilled writer to write a story this long and this in depth. At times it was kind of confusing but I think I understand it all now. I have to say that I was kind of disapointed though. There was NO RanKen action! I hope there's more in the sequel. I was expecting one of them to just jump the other a few times. Well at least you made the little things very adorable. You built thier relation before hand and I respect that. I geuss. Anyways thak you for being awesome and I'm gonna go read the next one now.
Avonnalay-Ariemay chapter 20 . 4/5/2006
This is a really wonderful story. The ending was a little abrupt for my tastes. But hey, that's what sequels are for, right?

Wonderful characterization, and wonderful writing form. I am interested to see how this story will continue.

Good job.

RuByMoOn17 chapter 20 . 3/1/2006
YOu did well int his chap!11
Akiame Harbinger chapter 20 . 9/2/2005
Wow, wonderful story! I'll have to check your other stories, too! Yay for a powerful Ken with claws! *pets her own Ken muse*
Elfgoddess00 chapter 1 . 9/1/2005
Wah! Heather! I'm so sorry! Life here has been chaos! I do intent to write you when I have a minute, and I'm also looking for jobs in VT! _ Hopefully I'll get in touch with you soon, and I hope all is well with you and Keith and Mu!


zeeharan chapter 20 . 8/23/2005
I really like this story, the characters and the plot is excellent. I would advise you to use Ken's name more. I feel like the only way you really refer to him is as "former servant" or "former woodboy" and it's really repetitive. Using his name is more natural and doesn't feel so repetitive.
Eva McGregor chapter 20 . 7/30/2005
*is greatly mad* that was it? tell me there will be a sequel! something!

*sighs* anyway i love this it was very well done, you did leave a few questions unanswered but with live there are always questions unanswered, as the least you answered the important ones.

i do have a question concerning where you got the plot from, this fic on the large scale very much reminds me of the Heralds of Valdimar series, i was wondering if that was where you got the insperation or is it just a big happy conwincidince? either way you still had a very original story and now a days its hard to find a plot someone hasnt done before even by chance, thats why i like writing plot twists.

hope to read more of your work in the future!

Eva McGregor
The Weaver Atropos chapter 20 . 6/29/2005
Hey! In light of your never updating ((glare)) I reread the ficcy. Again.

BengalCat chapter 20 . 6/10/2005
hey! you gonna write any more of this? 'cuz I wasn't really convinced at first, but I guess I got pulled into your story somehow... must be the magic...? anyway, I wanna see more of you! .~

ja na, Bengali
Aki Arau chapter 20 . 4/25/2005
I've only watched Gluhen but Aya has been my favorite ever since! I like the way you've done him in your fics...especially this one. Please update soon! I'll be keeping my eye out for more stories from you.
mistskeeper chapter 20 . 4/16/2005
Glad you feel better. Sorry it took me so long to review I was TDY for a week for training. Anywho YAY! They kissed! It's okay thinking is good for me...sometimes. I don't have much to say cause I'm tired from my flight...I had ment to say in my last review was that when I was reading this story I got thinking that Ken-sama needed a pet in my story. I don't know how I got that. _ Kou has been hanging around Mist even more cause someone had kissed him and Kou got really mad about that but hopefuly I'll be able to distract him long enough to let you pet Mist. Update soon!
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