|Reviews for Siren's Calling|
| Uldihaa chapter 4 . 8/22/2005
Ok I've read to this point and even though I have more to go, I feel compelled to review. The story is interesting, if you can get past some of the writing problems.
The biggest problem is the way you just drop story information into the readers lap with all the grace of a belly-flopping sumo. Yes that statement was harsh, but this story has a lot of potential that I'd hate to lost because of awkward writing. One example is during the impending fight with the fiancees in chapter one. You just drop Nabiki's thoughts about Ranma right in the middle of it. It disrupts the flow of the scene and should either be removed or placed somewhere else. Another example is when Ranma is learning the flute, the scene with Senna and Ranma's eidetic memory for arts sticks out like a sore thumb. A third example is Ryouga's arrival and departure. First the whole scene feels forced and second the explaination about how he got there and left just doesn't fit together very well. Fourth is when Dekiko takes Ranma out to karaoke. You just toss in that she had been dragging Ranma out every Saturday (which makes little sense since you originally present her as a shy and book-wormish character).
My advice is to get some pre-readers/editors that will have the guts to tell you where you need to change things and help you to smooth out your narration. As it is, it's very frustrating to be reading a scene that is flowing well only to be hit by some info from left field that just does not fit the scene at all.
Overall the story is good and I look forward to reading more.
| Quontir chapter 11 . 6/21/2005
Thanks a bunch. This has been quite interesting and is one of the fics that sparked my own interest in writing a Ranma fuku fic.
Very well done. My only question is Ranma really ready to rule a planet?
| Bobboky chapter 11 . 5/14/2005
| Slade13 chapter 11 . 5/12/2005
another great chapter. still need a little work on the coherentness; but that was at the begining, and was fairly easy to get on track.
keep up the great work!
| Krenn chapter 11 . 4/13/2005
Great story... but I do want to point one thing out unrelated to the story. Einstein didn't fail school (especially math). It's a common misconception.
The only thing he failed was an entrance exam to college taken two years early; and then only the non-science subjects.
But about the story... keep up the good work! It's interesting seeing Ranma as not the most powerful Senshi for a change...
| dogbertcarroll chapter 11 . 4/11/2005
Wouldn't it be smarter to have Ranma heal on
Siren? Takes less time.
| vizeerlord chapter 11 . 4/9/2005
good, am waiting for more
| DJ chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
I am a bit surprised that no one has thought of the obvious way to solve the male/female population imbalance on Siren given Ranma's curse. Even if you are one of those who believe that the real pools were permanently destroyed after the fight with Saffron, there is always the Instant powder packets. Just have a tub of water set aside on Siren next to a designated sex area, drop in an instant man packet it would probably be good for several weeks of girls dunking themselves in it. It is not like Siren requires sex to be done in water, so the temporary nature of the instant packets would not matter.
Given how manipulative the others are, Ranma should require that anyone in a position of power must apply the Soap after after applying the water and stay the opposite sex for the same amount of time that she had to during his first visit there once per year or four times per year. Officially it would be guarantee that there are always enough males for population and to show symbolically that there are willing to follow Sailor Siren. Unofficially, it would to weed out those who look down on those of the opposite sex and change the society to something more pleasant.
For that matter, Ranma should require that his family take some instant packs and soap and require that they get "manliness training" for as long as they are going to manipulate him. "Manliness" as being the sort of thing that Genma and Nodoka keep pushing onto him. This would be done under the idea of them becoming more "rounded" or more insane by the end of it.
If they all balk at that, Ranma could just require that Siren become a republic style government (more like how Machiavelli envisioned it could be rather than the governments of today). This would force the manipulators to spread their energies across the entire population.
If they decide to go with the change in government because changing sex is too weird for them, then Ranma could solve the need for males by having massage parlors and health spas opened up on Earth. It would be staffed by girls from Siren and include a pool used for transportation. Free first year sign up for memberships would be given to high school boys. Those who are checked out as being single, healthy (no diseases), good attitude, and the ability to keep a secret, would be given a special "silver" rating. Basically whenever they order the "overnight works", they spend one entire Siren day (or overnight Earth time) where they can relax, study and have sex as much as they want with any willing Siren female. Those with the silver rating may after ten Earth years may apply for a "gold" rating where they can choose to essentially become citizens of Siren. This would help keep the people of Siren familiar with more modern developments in arts and science.
The "silver" and "gold" are more reference to the Silver and Gold crystals than anything else.
| Paul C. Heintz chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
Hm... I've been following this story since I think chapter 2, and will state up front I've liked it.
However, one thought has been lurking in my mind for some time now. I fail to see any real benefit Ranma gets from being Siren except for that persona to ruin his life more.
It almost seems to me despite the attacks he gets in his powered up senshi form, he would be better in some cases going into these battles untransformed, as many of his normal abilities are locked out.
Then there is the fact he now gets to be shoved into ruling a world of man obsessed crazies.
And a family that even by your own admission and reasons aside is manipulative.
And, besides the all female family, and mostly female moon, he also gets 9 manipulating girls (2 of which are boy obsessed, and 1 a new fiancee), two *cat* advisors. They all want to 'help' him. And then there is still his old issues.
I guess it comes to this, is there going to be a real beneficial influence, other than the calm before the storm he experienced on Siren (if you can call the hiding in fear locked as female as such)?
| Light02 chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
...well intresting I was just reading this fic over last night and low and behold when you updated. now my two cents, Deki-chan coming back why do I smell a couple in the works, now Usagi grumbling about Ranma comping her tiara attack was funny as heck, now Ami seems to be going into the possive phase of Ranma Fiancee syndrom just as long as she doesn't pull out a mallet and or use baka in or around Ranma's name I will be fine with it.
| TheWhiteMonk chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
The plot thickens considerably. Good work on the scene where they 'convinced' (read: tricked) Ranma into Girl Training. I like how they take Ranma's feelings into consideration too and I agree with them, Nodoka needs to stop pushing the "Manly" thing, otherwise he might resist the Senshi thing just to please her. I also agree that he is alot smarter than most people believe, it's just that circumstances prevent his full potential from being realized. My only question is when this takes place in the Ranmaverse. Is it after Saffron? I prefer stories that take place after the Saffron Battle because I feel that AU's that don't have him fight Saffron deprive Ranma of what I consider his "claim to fame". Namely, killing a Phoenix Kami. Oh, and I like your analysis of Siren's political situation. Please keep writing.
| Trugeta chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
Man, the enemy the scouts are facing is really something else if they could take Ranma out of action like that. The scouts managed to achieve a stalemate, but that barely.
It is indeed time for Ranma to start training the scouts seriously, and it is good to see that she has already begun. I liked the part with the Tiara, for it gave a very good explanation why Usagi eats so much.
I also wonder if Nodoka will try to use the situation on Siren to her advantage, as the population consists to 90 % of females, a fact which Nodoka will soon learn (if she does not have already). Which would give her the opportunity to engage Ranma to multiple girls once more. But maybe there's an internal regulation in the Kinseino family.
Hmm, next up I'd say we can expect a shopping trip or something along the line, and lets see if Nodoka will fly off the handle. Good work, update when you can.
| Jerry Unipeg chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
I LOVE THIS CHAPTER! Great to see Ranma started to use her head.
| Chi Vayne chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
Your notes at the end really helped clarify motivations for me. Ranma's family is being manipulative, but they are doing what they think is best for the most people. Whether it is best for Ranma is unclear yet. I do not agree with the statement "If she kept pushing him to be manly she could do untold damage to Ranma". I think it's more likely as what they are doing could cause the damage to him psychologically. It may be in a good, or even necessary, cause, but the "be manly later" makes it sound too easy, like it can be turned on and off like flicking a switch.
| Gangsta Spanksta chapter 11 . 4/8/2005
I wonder if the queen of Siren is also expected to share her male mate, like everyone else is expected to on Siren. Perhaps they could explain away Ranma guy side as her mate and I suppose it is a way for Nodoka to make sure that her son is being manly. I could see her using the political situation on Siren to her advantage. Anyway, leave the possibility for multiple fiancees. Also, like to see the amazons get more involved soon.