|Reviews for More Than Business|
| seto chapter 9 . 4/17/2014
Okay my last review was totally wrong. This story is amazinggggggggggggggggggg!
| seto chapter 6 . 4/16/2014
Hey great story but why did Kaiba have to be drunk(I'm only on chapter 7 so...)
| Kingdom's Oathkeeper chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
This is really good!
| AliceElizabeth2 chapter 19 . 5/7/2009
Are you gonna keep going on this story? It's really good.
| honeylove90 chapter 19 . 2/27/2009
please finish this story I love it and it's great!
| Sakura Takanouchi chapter 19 . 1/29/2009
I feel like I ought to compliment you on this story, but words fail me after reading this story in one sitting. It really is tremendous. I feel like through each and every chapter there was growth, not only in the quality of the writing (both plot and style) but also in the individual characters themselves. But let me move onto the concrit/commentary, cause I shouldn't just leave glowing praise:
Your writing does show a definite maturity and I appreciate that the characters are mature enough to embrace the plot that you've written. The whole thing just... works. Don't get me wrong, there are some loose ends (like Serenity's job and what their big 'project' is even about :D ) but all in all, there's plenty of room for originality. And I mean, back when you wrote this, it was original. I had to wade through countless pieces before I even got to this. And I like how you kept the spirit of the piece alive throughout each and every chapter.
I especially like Kaiba's characterization. You show him vulnerable, and you can really get a glimpse of how he feels, and thinks, and reacts to things. At first I was put off by your formatting—how the story tends to revolve around Serenity (obviously) and then you delve into the minds- first person thoughts- of individual characters as they come along...everyone, not just Kaiba. What POV is that, third-person omniscient? I grew to appreciate how it gives the story a well-rounded feel, and allows us to understand everyone’s motives and identify with them more.
And Mokuba… oh, he makes this. He is just so funny, and keeps the story rolling along perfectly. I like the dynamic you set up between the brothers Kaiba and Serenity, it was interesting and provided lots of opportunities—but I really wish you hadn’t brought Rebecca into the mix. The whole playboy Mokie courts the standoffish Rebecca Hopkins routine is becoming increasingly hackneyed, and although I don’t doubt your ability to write it competently, it does cheapen the level of your work, though. Just my opinion.
But what is fantastic is the romance. By that, I mean the literal journeys that your characters have taken (excepting the above). I have recently developed a liking to the TristanxTea ship, and I’m so thrilled that it has a home in your story! Also, Yugi’s dynamic is heart wrenching and heartwarming at the same time. He’s the quintessential nice guy. But the star of the show is most definitely Seto and Serenity. There is just such an essence of… reality to it. The way they conflict and especially how they deny their feelings to each other and themselves, it is exactly the way a person would act. By distancing themselves it makes everything much more painfully obvious, to everyone but themselves, it seems. None of that we can conquer the world because our wuv is so twu nonsense, but their dynamic is so interesting, vulnerable, and so very, very genuine.
Now, for the whole epic Bakura maneuver part of the story. It does add an interesting sort of twist to it, and serves as a great catalyst to get Serenity and Seto together. Other than that… when I read the ring scene, I was chanting, please don’t make an eight millennium item, and it … worked? I hope more about the ring and its magical ties to the Kaiba family will be revealed in time.
Other than that, your formatting is fine and all you need to work on is some regularly occurring pronoun irregularity. You’ve written a charming, clever, witty, suspenseful, and dramatic piece which you should be proud of! Since you’re aiming for less than two future chapters, I don’t understand why you haven’t finished it, and you should! But if you ever do, take your time, revise what you may have already written (if your update when the next chapter’s done rule is any intimation) and give this story the conclusion that it deserves! Thank you for writing what you have so far, and I eagerly anticipate more!
| bloo chapter 18 . 1/3/2009
I really love this story, I've read it over and over so many times! I know you don't want to finish this and its killing me! Please! Just write some more chapters for this story! I personally think that this is the best story you have written. Its dissapointing to see such a good story left hanging.
| Nerdtastica chapter 19 . 9/18/2008
NO please don't stop writing!
I love your story! I have read it six times over!
This is the BEST story I have read on this entire site! Please please please update soon!
| Uncanny-Differences chapter 19 . 7/10/2008
Great story, i hope you update soon
you left the story on hiatus on such a crucial part
(bites finger nails)
| Nerdtastica chapter 1 . 12/29/2007
I really love your story!
I think that the way you have developed the characters' personalties in accordance with the story is simply amazing!
I honestly think this is the best piece of work I have read on this site!
| Writer Elsewhere chapter 19 . 3/14/2007
wow- this is good..;)
| Bob785244755 chapter 19 . 3/6/2007
I was holding my breath then. In the middle of the sentence- and I didn't realize it until I opened the review-thingy-magig! I LOVE this so far! It rx! Hope you update soon...it's been ages!
| Bob785244755 chapter 1 . 3/5/2007
The first chapter of this fic is absaloutly brilliant and I will read the rest ASAP!
| kehkanSKlover chapter 19 . 12/12/2006
*tear* it's amazing . . . please! please keep writing! i've read this whole thing from start to finish in about 2 hours and now you leave me with an evil little cliffy! GAH!
| E.E. Kuechler chapter 19 . 11/25/2006
Oh, the cruelty of leaving it hanging. Please update soon. Great story!