|Reviews for Steamboy: The Rancour|
| dead zed chapter 6 . 1/15/2009
this so far is a verry good story you should carry it on !
| BoneSatellite chapter 2 . 8/7/2005
What I find strange about this story is that nobody appears to have reviewed it yet. Not that it's excellent, but it's good. There are mistakes in some places ("he" instead of "her", and other mistypes that both of us seem to make as often as the other), and the opening chapter wasn't too promising. In the beginning, you rush into a semi-action scene to get the characters together, with very little explanation as to how they met the little girl and why they're there in the first place. A lot of the character's actions seem pretty extreme, such as Eddie and Lloyd "fighting" about what to do with Lily, Lily's vicious beating, and Emma's heated dislike of her even though she's been injured for as long as she's known her. Why does she immediately assume she's trying to steal Ray?
But all of these are completely understandable flaws that come from being a somewhat inexperienced storyteller, as I am. It's great to see a Steamboy fanfic out there. (I'm writing one myself, in fact; I should have a FF account before the year is over.) It's good for spare-time storywriting, but let's get to some action scenes, huh? :)
Here's a question that hopefully doesn't sound too prying: Is your first name Valerie? Extremely far from likely, but I'm curious.