|Reviews for Clouded Sky|
| Sevrius chapter 31 . 8/14/2006
Personally, I loved the murder scenes. It's rare to see that in Pokemon fanfiction, especially OC fics. (Not to mention it added the action that most "Action/Adventure" fics lack.)
When I read the first paragraph of Tobias's letter, I thought the letter was from Alex. (I'm still hoping Alex will make another appearence...)
Sometime, would you mind emailing me your "original" ideas for these chapters?
| Sevrius chapter 29 . 8/14/2006
O_O Wow, That was exciting! I had a feeling the Lugia was robotic, but I never expected Jenny to betray her team...
| Sevrius chapter 26 . 8/13/2006
But if Murkrow are so feared, why are they even offered as starters?
As for the Unown tablet, I think it says: "SIX PILLARS/WORLD'S TEETH/COULD WE EVER/MORALS, SO" I'm not so sure on the last line though... It could be a variety of things
| Sevrius chapter 20 . 8/13/2006
I find it quite strange that Tobias would willingly tell the Professors about Waytar, especially after his encounter the previous night.
"Marie and the other two Professors were already seated at the table, as well as the other tow Professors." Just thought I'd point out this sentence. (I'm not sure if you edit previous chapters or not.)
| Sevrius chapter 17 . 8/13/2006
This was a rather humorous chapter, with Tobias's reactions to all of the new technology.
But I thought Tobias introduced himself as "Sean"...
| Sevrius chapter 15 . 8/13/2006
Ack, it appears that Tobias is indeed in Johto. (You had me second-guessing myself...) Anyway, it was a wonderful plot twist, and I'm curious about how Tobias will deal with the advanced technology.
| Sevrius chapter 14 . 8/13/2006
Oh, a tarsier... that makes sense now.
A very interesting chapter. At first I wondered if "outside" could be one of the other three worlds (Kanto, Hoenn, or Johto) but it appears I was wrong.
And I just adore Alsokaran! I like serpents anyway, but his attitude is so cool, and... *continues to rant*
| Sevrius chapter 11 . 8/12/2006
I have a strange feeling that Master Dewshiver tipped off the authorities on Tobias's whereabouts...
I'm having a bit of trouble envisioning Acemenla though. Your description was thorough, but I still can't picture what type of animal she resembles.
Sometime I'd like to draw Waytar's Pokemon... if you wouldn't mind, that is.
| VulpixTrainer chapter 35 . 8/12/2006
Wow, another great chapter... It seems however that he is always on the run, unable to really be able to get far without someone chasing him. I just hope that he can find safety soon. I am really rooting for Tobias to pull through.
| WindieDragon chapter 35 . 8/12/2006
Guess this means I should get back in gear and dig up that sesstra I drew a long time ago... heh summer's made me lazy but school starts this Monday (Aug 14) for me. It feels wierd being a senior... I wish I was a sophomore again! On second thought, maybe I'll draw it again since my skills have improved. Could I ask you to send me details on sesstra and ottical again?
Anyways, enough of my blabbing. Poor Tobias, he just can't seem to have a normal life now can he? I was looking forward to the final battle, hoping a new Pokemon would be revealed. Can't wait to see what happens next. At least you didn't leave us with a giant cliffhanger this time XD.
| Sevrius chapter 6 . 8/11/2006
Poor Tobias, it's like the whole world is conspiring against him.
The explanation of the Waytar justice system seemed to disrupt the rest of the story... Instead of just explaining it, you could mention that Tobias remembered the justice system, and then start an explanation (or something like that).
I think I like Alex more than Tobias *laughs* I can't help but wonder if Alex will betray his new acquaintance though. Sadly, I have to wait until tomorrow to find out. (I really have to go to bed now.) ;_;
| Sevrius chapter 5 . 8/11/2006
Wow... I never expected a twist like that. It was very exciting, and... Ack, it's so late here. (I should probably be in bed.) Sorry, I can't think of many words to describe the chapter, but it really was good.
"Behind him, their was a long hiss of despair" That was the only spelling or grammatical error I saw.
| Sevrius chapter 3 . 8/11/2006
I usually find battle scenes quite boring, but yours are actually pretty interesting. Your choice of words and details is exceptional.
"The center was built near a convenient open park, and this is where Tobias headed." This is the only sentence that really bothered me. The passive voice (especially in the second part of the sentence) makes it seem awkward.
I'm sorry if you already adressed this question, but does Waytar exist before or after Kanto, Johto, and the other "worlds"? From the "history lesson" in the last chapter, it appears that Waytar is a "future world" (though, if that is the case, technology has regressed).
| Sevrius chapter 2 . 8/11/2006
Jinx's personality is so adorable! (Though, I must admit, I preferred the name "Eclipse"; Jinx reminds me of some other, not-so-adorable Pokemon.)
I loved the way you incorporated Waytar's history into the chapter. It was interesting (well, as interesting as history can be) and it fit the story well.
| Sevrius chapter 1 . 8/11/2006
You're quite an evil person to end the first chapter with that kind of cliffhanger. (Luckily for me, I don't have to wait for updates.)
The line "She knew that her son was being given an opportunity that she had never been and that he had a chance to make a name for himself" just seems too wordy with all the "thats" and "ands". Perhaps you should try shortening and/or rewording it.
Other than that, the first chapter was excellent. It was very original, and the detail made me feel like I was actually a part of the story.
So I shall continue onwards, though I probably won't review each chapter. (I'm too lazy...)
By the way, the "guide's oath" gave me wedding flashbacks. XD