|Reviews for Clouded Sky|
| vincent1875 chapter 14 . 5/1/2014
I wondered if Dark pokemon would be able to pass the phychic barrier.
| vincent1875 chapter 11 . 4/30/2014
Hmmm. It seems like Tobias would be taking advantage of his new Pokemon's ability to translate between him and other Pokemon. He could have just asked why it was itchy.
| vincent1875 chapter 5 . 4/30/2014
Good stuff. If only he'd have picked up that chime first.
| vincent1875 chapter 3 . 4/30/2014
Good story so far.
| vincent1875 chapter 1 . 4/30/2014
Not a bad start. I don't know if new pokemon are really necessary though.
| TheViolaBuddy chapter 47 . 3/16/2014
...I'm not quite sure why my review (the really long-winded one that I just posted) was posted as "Guest" and not under my name. In any case, if you want to respond to it, this is my account's name (TheViolaBuddy).
| Guest chapter 47 . 3/16/2014
I just finished reading this fic for the first time. I think I've stumbled across it several different times, but I never really bothered to finish reading it (or even to start, actually). Overall, I liked this fic decently. Pardon the rather long review that is to follow; I’m trying to review the entire story in one go.
Because the ending is fresh my mind, I suppose I should talk about it first. It felt somewhat rushed and it didn't fully explore what the earlier half of the fic set up. Basically, it was only about breaking down the Shield and pretty much nothing else - and even then, there were distracting chapter breaks that broke up the action. The last few chapters ended without completely winding down, but the following chapter starts several minutes or hours later, after the resolution has passed (for example, Tobias blacking out in the first of the World's Teeth and then suddenly having already developed a rhythm to defeating the Unown). Basically, it felt as if you, as the author, were getting tired of writing and just wanted to skip to a conclusion.
Relatedly, the ending kind of hinted at Tobias's relationship with Jinx, Igneous, and Accemenla, but then didn't quite complete the arc. Why, for example, is Tobias able to communicate with Jinx (and what are his reactions, which were kind of glossed over)? What was the whole deal with Jinx’s nighttime excursion that one time? Igneous's interference with Accemenla shows his character, but any development is promptly ignored and then he is released—I feel a scene like this that shows his personality should have come earlier. Similarly, Accemenla comes to a realization that she was being used, and then we get no more sense of coherent thought from her. Also, Tobias's family's situation is left vague. I understand that a lot of the war stuff (and the whole Team Rocket thing, presumably), as you say in this postface, would have been explained in subsequent installments, but even so, there seem to be a lot of loose ends or ends that are tied only very loosely. In a way, though I've seen places (e.g. TV Tropes) say that the plot is twisty, it felt to me more like a single, straight path, hidden by a lot of sideplots (some of which were never resolved).
However, now that I've gotten out most of my criticisms of the story, I guess I can move on the rest of it. The world you built was a cool extension of the familiar Pokemon world, though I do admit that the alternate terminology (guides, medals, etc.) was one of the things that threw me off a lot when I first found this fic. The way you made the setting both in a canonical and in a fanonical region was interesting, though, and the conspiratorial government especially added to the flavor of the fic.
There was a period of gruesomeness, however, at the Lighthouse Challenge that was quite unpleasant. I would consider bumping up the rating of the fic from K-plus to T because of it, especially since you marked some chapters as PG-13 in the author’s notes, but obviously you can do as you wish. Conversely, though the deaths were very unexpected, they didn’t seem to have much emotional effect on Tobias or his Pokémon—or me, aside from the initial shock, as the four of them were throwaway characters, like other characters (e.g. Alex the thief in the beginning, or Marie from Elm’s Lab, for example), whom we never meet again after they are introduced, anyway, so whether these characters die or just disappear from the story is equivalent to me.
Though the Lighthouse Challenge was gruesome, the fic is nowhere near the gruesomeness of Pedestal (by Digital Skitty), but I can nevertheless draw a number of other parallels between it and your story – I’m curious if you’ve read it or not, and if you were inspired by that fic (or, indeed, if that fic was inspired by this one). There’s a big turning point of gruesomeness in both stories, though they both start out rather light. The plots are intricate, and heavily involve exploring the ramifications of Psychic, Ghost, and Dark-types moves and Pokémon—and Fire, as well, though in a different way—but both start out as a failed attempt to be a normal trainer/guide before being thrust into this more overarching plot. It’s interesting how the same themes pop up in these two works, though plot-wise they’re quite different.
Overall, in any case, I enjoyed the story—after all, completed, well-written original trainer fics are hard to come by. A lot of the criticism I have of this fic is simply the lack of closure, which can be explained by this being but one work in a four-part series. Aside from that, I liked the story’s setting and worldbuilding elements quite a bit.
| Guest chapter 4 . 2/2/2014
Dear god, this kid's like Trip and Gary Oak combined!
| Yami Vizzini chapter 47 . 11/3/2013
Sooo, apparently I never added this to my alert list way back when. Derp.
That was a heck of a finish! Honestly, the hanging elements make it even better in a way, with the whole "oh crap now what" feeling. Though now I'll want to read "The Ninetales' Curse" as well.
If nothing else, this is another kick towards making me look over my own stories and try to give them some closure.
| dTalkingMeowthJ-Cat chapter 1 . 8/1/2013
Good story, keep writing! xxxxx
| Zokolov chapter 1 . 4/15/2013
Wow, your writing style, I must say, is excellent, descriptive and sets things up for an air of mystery. You also nicely give us just enough info while still avoiding excess info dumps about the nature of guides and about this new region of yours. The plot, or what we saw so far of it, looks quite interesting and original, too. Haven't seen enough Tobias to evaluate him, but he's definitely not a Marty Stu and you really let us sympathize with him straight from the beginning.
The only minor gripe I have is with the names, "Damien Darksand" and "Mary Moonflower" are rather... well, you know. Then again, it's thematically appropriate. I'm on the fence about these original Pokémon that appeared here, but they do seem more interesting than in the average fic, so it's not really a con.
So, all in all, I like it, particularly the style of the prose, and will definitely be keeping an eye on this story. Loved the cliffhanger here, you do seem to know exactly where to end things.
| Ein Storm chapter 8 . 3/27/2013
| Kippe chapter 47 . 2/25/2013
This... this was a work of art. Seriously, it's the best story that I've read in a long time. Sure, it could definitely use some proofreading and there were a couple continuity errors (like when Frostdown all of a sudden became Snowpoint) but overall the plot was great. It's a shame that you won't be writing the other two in the series; I'd definitely be interested in reading them. Ah well, this story was great anyway and now I suppose I'll have to read The Ninetales' Curse.
Also, in chapter 21, I noticed when Marie was telling Tobias about her encounter with Raikou, the way she told it wasn't really the way a person would talk. Maybe if it were her writing it down in a journal or something, but I honestly felt like the way it was written was just a little awkward. Also, was Alex a child of one of the Psychic Temple acolytes? I thought I noticed something that hinted towards it, but I might have been mistaken (I was a little sick when I read the story, and I read the whole thing in three days. Don't give me that look, it was good.)
Anyway, just overall a good story. I'll have to go check out some of your other fics now, I guess. :D
| Cedric Bale chapter 47 . 10/30/2012
Has it really been 8 years? Holy crap.
| Teraunce chapter 47 . 10/27/2012
What could have been, shall never be. 5/5 although it leaves me sad.