|Reviews for Clouded Sky|
| Tanon chapter 26 . 10/6/2012
'aroma therapist' Is actually just one word.
shOULD WE EVEr
Damn you, it's not fully decipherable.
Interesting tournament format, especially where the ideal team is concerned. I'm guessing the last member of the group is going to be a major contender for the prize.
| Tanon chapter 23 . 10/6/2012
So happy you didn't decide to detail another gym journey. Do Tarsix evolve? I guess I'll get my answer before finishing this. Hmm...
| Tanon chapter 21 . 10/6/2012
Sounds like Adolf Hitler won WWII.
| Tanon chapter 17 . 10/6/2012
Well, the past few chapters have been amazing. You really wrote Tobias and Ralph well in this chapter and in the past 2 (for Tobias).
I hope this isn't going to become a standard journey fic, but judging from the past 17 chapters, I really don't see it happening.
Also, I'm going to guess that Jinx will ultimately be responsible for bringing the shield down and stopping the...err...brainwashing that the psychic pokemon of Waytar seem to be performing on their inhabitants. Not brainwashing...but I can't come up with a better term. Arhg.
| Tanon chapter 13 . 10/6/2012
'An enraged Slipstri is one of thegreatest hazards of the high seas,'
Haha. Story over. Now I can move on and read other stuff, right?
I'm not funny. I didn't expect this to happen, although I actually don't see how you're going to keep Timothy alive, unless Timothy is no longer important and the rest of the story is going to focus on Jinx. Now there's a plot twist.
It's also not going to happen.
| Tanon chapter 12 . 10/6/2012
"He deserves and apology. Give him one."
' The fell and impaled themselves in the waters just outside the boundary.' They?
Well, I guess this isn't going to be an issue any longer, but Tobias' treatment of Jinx didn't really seem to match Jinx's reaction to said treatment. I mean, Tobias didn't treat Jinx badly, but he pretty much ignored Jinx, especially for the first two battles. I know he had good reasoning, but he never mentioned it to Jinx, who (as far as I know) can't read minds.
It's the only thing I can fault so far, and it's just a small thing. Tobias is in an interesting situation, isn't he? None of it is even his fault. I also have a feeling that Tobias won't be catching this ship.
| Tanon chapter 9 . 10/6/2012
'When I eventually dragged myself over hear, I was damn near dead' Small typo :)
I'll give a review when I get to the end, but I've still got a bit of reading to go. I'll add any typos I see in chapters though.
| FadingPawPrint chapter 45 . 10/4/2012
Another great chapter. I had some thoughts on subtle mind maipulation towards Accemenla, though I wasn't entirely sure, given her immediate dislike of Tobias and throughout their entire journey. Still the three years of being lost together in Johto should have given them some sort of bond, no matter how small, so I'm eager to see how the psychic type will react with this newfound knowledge. I'm also curious to see if you'll eventually evolve Jynx. I know this started way before Honchrow had even been created and you already had a plan for this story, but given all the recent pokemon and moves I wasn't sure if you would go that route. A giant, flying Dark beast of a pokemon would surely frighten the Pyschics, especially since its new size would give it a physical advantage towards its larger opponents like the Pidgeot we just saw.
| dzk87 chapter 45 . 10/3/2012
YOU HAVE RETURNEEEEEEED. After two years, you made one post, and I thought it might have been your last, but you still continued this!
So, for the actual review. I... actually, this chapter did NOT appeal to me greatly. I love how Clouded Sky toys with everything you, the reader, thinks is real, and reallly makes you wonder what is going on. So, the only part I liked (much), is where he suddenly starts understand Jinx, and where he doesn't even notice Chevron. That said, your battle scenes are GOOD, but... not what I love about this story.
| Guest chapter 26 . 8/18/2012
| Padfoot Arcanine chapter 44 . 8/9/2012
Really liking this story. Very unique and nicely written. Amazing job!
| Eneko95 chapter 6 . 7/7/2012
And the plot continues to fascinate! I like the idea of using Psychic-types as judges, though I have to wonder; why would they lie?
| Eneko95 chapter 4 . 7/7/2012
I'm impressed! It's easy to connect to your characters, and the backstory for Waytar is very interesting indeed. The way you explain basic things like Poke Balls and the dex is also fascinating, and makes me think that this is some sort of medieval AU or something.
Ok, now for some criticism. In the third-to-last paragraph, Tobias' name should not have a "the" before it; there's only one of him, after all. Also, I noticed that in chapters one through three, you don't capitalize the Pokemon names (or possibly even the word), but here you do. I suggest you pick one and stick with it.
I'm glad I decided to look this up on TV Tropes. Hope my review is helpful!
| yiranY chapter 2 . 6/18/2012
I think it would make more of an impression if the word "murkrow" is used at the start of the first paragraph, but it's your choice, because it doesn't matter that much.
You repeat "turmoil" too quickly; it's unnatural unless you emphasise the next turmoil to make it obvious that the repetition is intended.
Hmm, I thought this would be more original, as in no gyms. Oh well, it's not exactly a bad thing, just quite overused.
A realistic lifespan but not realistic storytelling? As in, still using "types" to classify pokémon? Well type are needed for gyms, I suppose.
See, you just used a fragment in the sentence "Not terribly helpful in the area of caring for a murkrow of your own, unfortunately.", which would be considered a grammatical mistake if not in a story. Still, that shows that the narration is somewhat influenced by the characters (otherwise it'd be perfect grammar-wise), and proves my point from my last review valid. Mwahahah.
It's strange that pokémon understand what nodding and shaking heads mean. I personally view it as unrealistic unless there's an explanation given that it's ingrained to them, or it's a pokémon centric story (as in something like PMD).
The short change to Jinx's perspective is quite unneccesary. Although it does give a reason as to why he did that, it is quite minor. Plus, it is executed quite poorly, as the first sentence of the paragraph says "seem", which implies that we're not looking through Jinx but observing him.
Ahh, kiwis. I guess you're going to put in some underrepresented pokémon in.
Hmm, you're changing perspective abruptly again, at the start of the battle. "Realizing his mistake" means we're inside Tobias's mind but the previous and next paragraphs both focus on Jinx. I know third-person omnipresent is an accepted perspective... but it's ineffective to me. Because being in Tobias's mind and then having the next line calling him "inept" is quite awkward.
The ending is great; it gets me truly interested in the plot (because I haven't read enough to sympathise with Tobias too much yet). It isn't from anyone's perspective, which is slightly annoying due to being unrealistic but you handled it well with the moonlight.
Meh, I'm probably not going to review every chapter this in this detail because it'll take too long to read. Sorry :/
| yiranY chapter 1 . 6/18/2012
The process of revealing a "guide" as a "trainer" is executed excellently, slowly revealing details. The description is appropriate, not overly extravagant nor too brief. Personally, I didn't like it that much, but that's just because I don't really like reading descriptions; other people probably find it about just right. The introduction of the setting is also handled well, as it is mixed within events to keep the reader from getting bored. The writing is also filled with varied sentence structures and sophisticated vocabulary. (Meh, I feel like I'm analysing in English class. I'll try and be more colloquial, but it's hard when the piece itself is so formal.)
The tone of the piece is quite serious, with various language techniques; this sets the tone as rather serious, which it stays true to (at least in this chapter). However, there are places where it makes me feel kind of weird, such as "as unaccompanied to adventure as a Torkoal to swimming". The simile itself is fine but the way it is worded is quite unnatural. Even though the piece is written in third-person, the narrating tone should also somewhat reflect Tobias's personality, especially since it shows his thoughts.
There is an excess of names made out of two real words put together (forgot the term for it); "True-alder", "First-seed", "Bark-down", "Summer-blossom", etc. Even "Way-tar" is the same even though that's probably not what it means. I'd suggest more variety in names – unless there's a reason for the weird names, of course. :/
In the line "Next up was Don Summerblossom (a name that had forced him to endure no end of torment at school.)", the full stop should be placed outside the brackets as the sentence should be correct when the bracket-ed parts are removed; only when the brackets are placed outside of a sentence should it end with a full stop inside it.
You also probably spelt "mischief" wrong in the line "Michief and a sunny disposition. Congratulations, Marcus Deepriver, you are now a pokémon guide."
Nice cliffhanger. Although I wouldn't really expect a farm boy to say something like "Show yourself!"
As a sidenote, why do you not capitalise "pokémon"?