|Reviews for Detached|
| Scorpio Serpent chapter 2 . 12/5/2004
This is so good! Don't stop! I love it! Poor Raven.
| taping the stars chapter 2 . 12/5/2004
Wow this is really good. I love it. Is it going to be a bbxrae fic?
| LostMusician chapter 1 . 11/30/2004
very nice start, except for that fact that the paragraphs are a little to big its a great start, keep writing!
| Instant Coffee chapter 1 . 11/27/2004
The title in itself is eye-catching and wonderfully creative. "Detached"...it's poetic, spectacular, and can apply to so many things. It's the first good title I've seen in a while, lolz!
Secondly, you've got an impressive handle on diction and structure for this being your first fan fiction...so you claim :P. And you produce a great amount of feeling and imagery with your words. I think you're quite a natural for this...it *seems* as though you like Language Arts and writing enough to be neat and grammatically correct! _
However, my critique comes down to your paragraphs. THANK YOU, for the most part, for starting a new paragraph every time someone else speaks. Lord KNOWS how many stories I've seen from first-timers that don't follow that simple structure. All the same, the paragraphs still seem quite long; you can space out the paragraphs more idea-wise. In other words, sometimes, there's more than one idea in each paragraph, and by separating each idea further, you can lessen the clutter that ensues.
Still, this doesn't take away from the remarkable job you've done for this being your first story. Great job! And it's deadly suspenseful! _