|Reviews for The Dream|
| Jonah chapter 1 . 12/21/2004
absolutely beautiful...your lovely poem took my breath away and made my heart ache the same way i became breathless and my heart ached when rachel said i love you for the last time and when tobias carried rachel's remains with him to the sky.
| Dragon chapter 1 . 12/9/2004
Hm. Sweet. I liked the way you described Rachel.
| Gryphon124 chapter 1 . 12/7/2004
Very nice poem, such a simple dream and yet it provokes hear felt emotion.
| Anni Morph chapter 1 . 12/5/2004
wow, so sad. poor Tobias!
i liked the 'sun ripened' hair thing. very cool!
| Rachel9466 chapter 1 . 12/4/2004
Wow. This is the best Animorphs poem I've read in a long time.
This seems to have been influenced by Greek-epic-style writing, especially the figurative language, and of course there's the reference to Artemis ... am I right? or is pre-ap English class brainwashing me?
The third line from the end could use a comma (or an em dash - that's what I'd use) after "Rachel", but that's the only criticism I can think of.
Good job. Keep it up.
| Anonymous-cat chapter 1 . 12/4/2004
Sadly, sharply, painfully sweet. Tobias could have composed this when he carried Rachel's remains up into the sky. Good!
| Living in Time chapter 1 . 12/4/2004
Whew! Sorry I wasn't able to review right away. Thanks for your really long review, btw, it really cheered me up. *hugs*
Comments. I love your adjectives - luminous brow, Artemis reborn, sun-riped hair (I especially liked that one, since it wasn't the typical hair like ripe corn), fresh-face maiden in warrior's garb...
Those were my favorites. The ending was pretty good, too, especially by putting the gone on a seperate line, kind of to hieghten the effect of it.
Maybe a small description of the Battle ship scene when Rachel died? I always wanted to know what Tobias was thinking then.
Okay, I gotta go. See ya!
| weetzybat chapter 1 . 12/4/2004
I love the last line...so sweet and sad...
altough the word 'luminous' makes me think rachel's forehead is glowing...
and the line 'You brandish your courage like a fiery sword' sounds kind of cliched in how it's worded...I would suggest cutting out the word 'like', and do what you did with the line beneath it, making it
'you brandish your courage, a fiery sword'
But I like how the imagery makes her seem angelic, or god-like, more than human.
| SilverHawk 27 chapter 1 . 12/4/2004
| Warriormaid 3000 chapter 1 . 12/3/2004
I really love this poem, especially the lines "you brandish your courage kuje a fuert sword,Youthful and Strong, Artemis reborn...it really describes Rachel well. You did a perfect job displaying Tobias's feelings for her, and great ending, really sad. THis is going on my favorites lists:-D