|Reviews for Butterfly|
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/5
Don't rush yourself, please, and do know when your they're, their, and there reading most of the their's and the wrong kind was giving me a headache, please also add a lot more dramatic themes say like stress, Nick getting fired, Sara having a heart attack I feast off of drama and the twins birthday Nick getting into a car accident and I plead you not don't just sit there like the narrator all the time like said add more dramatic themes make seem like an actual drama tv show not some Barbie play house like : Barbie did this Barbie got pregnant ect.
Sorry if I have to be so rude about it but an author must get rejected before getting accepted
| Mishelle20 chapter 8 . 10/31/2006
Great job with this.
| Red X chapter 8 . 2/26/2005
EK new chappy pwaese it so gewd must read more!
| MikaelaCheryl chapter 8 . 1/28/2005
Good chapter. Well done.
| Brianna chapter 7 . 1/10/2005
I really did not like this story. I hate to say it but your others stories are much better. The charators here may be called Nick & Sara but they dont act or talk like them. It should be an original fiction.
| Katie chapter 8 . 1/10/2005
I don't understand why you say "Don't like, don't read" at the bottom. How do you expect people to know whether they like it if they haven't read it? If that means you don't want constructive reviews - reviews that suggest how you could improve - then you're more than welcome not to read this.
First, you keep switching from tense to tense. "Nick kissed Sara on the fore head. Nick and Sara are glad were they have gotten." The first sentence is past tense. The second is present tense. Pick one, and stick with it. Also? That second sentence? Makes no sense at all. When you've finished a chapter, if you don't have someone to look over it, let it sit for a day or two. Then come back, read over it, and look for spelling and grammar mistakes, and check to see that it all makes sense. I know I always skip words when I'm writing, and when you've just written your work is fresh in your mind, so you see what you meant to type instead of what's actually on the page.
Secondly: your dialogue is very wooden and stitled. Try reading it aloud to yourself, and you'll see how it sounds. Real people don't talk like that.
Thirdly: no matter how old you are - youth is no excuse - you need to research your subject if you don't know much about it. I can tell from this fic that you're very young and you know nothing about pregnancy and childbirth. So, do some research. Use google. Find accounts of women who've been pregnant and who've been through childbirth. Use an encyclopedia. Stand in the corner of a bookstore and read the parenting mags. Make it *real*.
Good luck with your writing.
| Space-Case7029 chapter 8 . 1/9/2005
Good chapter. What about the wedding though? Audra
| Vengeful chapter 8 . 1/9/2005
I like it. very sweet. i'd read more chapters
| MikaelaCheryl chapter 7 . 1/7/2005
Brilliant story. Well done.
| MikaelaCheryl chapter 2 . 1/7/2005
Aw, that's so sweet. Nick can come out with some sweet things, lol.
| Vengeful chapter 7 . 12/27/2004
good chapter. but to me, the song really wasnt appropriate for the chapter. but thats just me. other then that, very good
| GG chapter 7 . 12/27/2004
I might suggest that you read up on, or at least learn a bit about, medical situations if you're going to use them in your story. If Sara wasn't in labor yet, there would be no way that she would be admitted into the hospital. I think you meant that she hadn't transitioned into hard labor yet. Also you don't "revive" someone who has an aneurysm - an aneurysm is a "bulge" in a blood vessel. It usually only gives a symptom if it bursts. If it bursts the only treatment is an immediate operation before the victim bleeds to death. If an aneurysm is detected before it bursts, it can be treated by an operation. Giving oxygen would be of no help.
| Space-Case7029 chapter 7 . 12/26/2004
Good chapter. Enjoyed it and look for the next one soon.
| love NS chapter 7 . 12/26/2004
they had twins ,Sara is fine,great~
| Francie chapter 6 . 12/23/2004
Yay! Twins! Great story! Any reason the earlier chapters were in bold? it makes it a bit hard to read (for me anyway.)
Keep up the great work!