Reviews for Odyssey
forgottenheroes chapter 47 . 5/11/2014
Did Chris die? This was really well written, and kind of sad. Kind of? I mean very! What exactly happened at the end with CJ? How did he become a sergeant? And what happened when they arrived in New York? And how was the prologue linked? Sorry, that's a lot of questions! :)
Mikaela U chapter 47 . 10/6/2013
OMG this story is amazing! I literally could not put it down. I read pretty much the whole thing in one day! I see the update date is 09, so I'm hoping this is the little boost you need; PLEASE POST YOUR SEQUEL! I really want to read more of your stories, and more about CJ and Donna! If you do post, I promise I'll review every chappie!
BRING BACK SUMMERCAT9 chapter 1 . 12/6/2011
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then

And just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry

Every once in a while even though goin' on

With you gone still upsets me

There are days

Every now and again I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain

Of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' it

It's hard to force that smile when I

See our old friends and I'm alone

Still harder

Gettin' up, gettin' dressed

Livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade, give away all the words

[. From: . .]

That I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

I'm not afraid to cry

Every once in a while even though goin' on

With you gone still upsets me

There are days

Every now and again

I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

Hey, I'm not SummerCat9 but I'm one of her fans, just call me deepthroat/mystery anon . If you really want to know what happened to her keep badgering her with PMs. She has so much potential! It really saddens me to see her go down like this! Tell everyone else to badger her with PMs as well.

I don't know if she's going to re - upload it or not but I have PM'd her recently and she said she was pissed that everyone hated her story 'Playing with fire, and its consequences", I don't know why though but then again the poor girl had too many personal demons to bear, but her story seemed a - okay to me.

One of my suspicions is that the forum "Critics United" made her take it down. I don't know what beef she had with them, I'm not interested in going down with a third party.
Bitter Sea Light chapter 2 . 11/13/2011
[Part II]

Now that I’ve mentioned what I thought to be wrong, it’s time to say what you’ve done right.

I was very pleasantly surprised when starting with this story. It has been quite some time I’ve been hooked like this. Several times I forgot this was a fanfiction and not a published story. The description was amazing. The detail you went into and the ease you had when toying around with words really made the story into what it is. Your use of English is just wonderful in general. Colourful phrases, wide vocabulary and such. Probably why it was so easy to visualise every scene and situation. Even though the detail may be a little disturbing for a frail mind at times (chapters 20, 32, 35), I wouldn’t say that they detracted from the story. Only added to it.

Characterisation was also spectacular. When characters usually seem fake or need some improvement one way of the other, it definitely wasn’t a problem in here. Everyone had their different sides and angles, their stories told very well and in a fashion that made us want to know more. It was easy to relate to them and it seemed like they were living-breathing people. I also loved the way the relationships between characters were drawn out. Especially so the one between CJ and Jenna. Even though it was a background one, it stood out the most for me. I felt his pain and worry too easily. Actually, the story was conveyed really well emotion-wise conveyed in general. What you wanted us to feel, we felt.

I should also mention the awesome pacing, action scenes that helped a lot with the first and with the last, which is unpredictability. Even though there was a vague idea of what was going to happen and how things would work out, I (almost) never had a moment of boredom because I knew what was going to happen next. It’s always great to read something that creates a world /for/ you because it’s interesting to see worlds that aren’t your own. That aren’t familiar. That want to take you for a ride and leave an impression when the ride’s over. Odyssey has certainly succeeded and even surpassed every expectation I had for this story.

Truly looking forward to your next writings.

Co-leader of The Literate Union,

Maria

'Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery. I quit such odious subjects as soon as I can.' ~Jane Austen
Bitter Sea Light chapter 1 . 11/13/2011
*chuckles* This is the first time I’ve managed to surpass my character limit in the review window. I could’ve done it a lot shorter, but I felt the need to be thorough and detailed. The story deserved it. So what I’m going to do is some review!splitting. The first one (1st chapter) will have all the faults/a few things that were worth mentioning and the second one (2nd chapter) will get all the praise.

Now, without further ado, the my first true monster!review.

For some reason, every author I come across on this site manages to screw up chapter one somehow. In this case, it was slow, a little wistful. While it managed to create some interest, it was all drowned by this constant thought of 'when will it end'. I know you mentioned in your A/N that people shouldn't judge the story after having read just that chapter, but people often do. And while it's really sad, it's also a fact that first impressions are everything. The chapter creates a solemn picture about the world and how it had changed and states that an important man had died, but I just don't care. Really sad when an author does this because it doesn't give much hope that the next chapters would be better.

Since the very first chapter, there is this pet peeve of mine that you continue to use. It's the three-dot endings. It’s meant as a lingering finish or as a ’dun-dun-dunnnn’ moment in most cases. I only see uncertainty and that kind of ruins it for me. It’s as if the chapter has ended, but the author went ‘Wait, do I really want to finish?’ Just comes off as indecisive. But as said, just my pet peeve.

From chapter two, you started doing something that can put off any reader. Never demand for a review and never threaten your readers. If people have something to say, they will come out with it. If your words inspire them to say something, they will. Simple ':D' and 'omg dis is so awshum' will boost your review count, yes, but are you sure that this is what you want? As an aspiring author, are you after a high review count that is high because of mindless praise/spam or are you after reviews that people want to leave, expressing their opinions on this or that, maybe even a little criticism? While everyone loves a good ego stroke, it's even the more sweeter if it's a founded ego stroke.

Another note about A/N’s. It’s perfectly okay to add them. They don’t /have/ to be there, but they /can/ be there. Sure, it’s annoying if a writer goes on and on about their pink fluffy stuffed kitten (because no one really cares about any of that), but if it’s something relevant to the story, there is no harm in making a notion. It actually adds more to it.

In chapter two and four you used animals to add some action. While it had some effect the first time (however cliché it came off as), it was a little off-putting that you used it the second time as well. It was a little predictable and both followed the same pattern with minor differences. These instances should be avoided at every cost.

In 11th chapter you played extremely well with the survival instinct people have in a crisis situation. They simply forget about everything and preserving their own life is the most important thing. Well, until their humanity kicks in again and the surrounding environment pops onto their mind again. Or, as was in this case, Chris remembered Kathy. Simply marvellous.

At the end of the 12th chapter, CJ comes out with a line of ‘we all thought you were dead’. It looks out of place because they had no idea what disaster had struck, how bad it had been and CJ had heard of Chris’ absence just moments ago. A tiny mishap with words, but makes a big difference.

In chapter 15, CJ stepped into knee-high water and soon after went out into the cold-cold weather. Wasn’t there a need to change clothes? In this case, it’s a half-curious question since I don’t actually know how waterproof his gear was at knee-high.

I kind of assumed that they’d find some way to get to their getaway ride somehow, but the way the opportunity just played into their hands…simply made me roll my eyes. Came off as a lazy way to get them on the ship without much discomfort to you.

When someone is reading a story, a vague idea of what’s going to happen is all the person needs. When a detailed synopsis of what’s going to happen is given, the story gets ruined. In chapter 18, you placed those damned questions at the beginning of the chapters. Granted, it wasn’t telling what was going to happen, but the questions kind of implied everything. This is why I read that chapter with a slight frown.

Chapter 21 played on the religion card. A person may not be religious, but if they have been in very close contact with it at any point in their lives, it’ll stick with them no matter what. And usually climbs out from those dark depths of the mind in an extremely difficult situation. Offers them comfort. Again, very nicely portrayed.

Right. We’ve reached chapter 25 that has probably irked me the most in this whole story. We have Tony Willis struggling to stay alive. And it’s all very epic and very well done, but then…we reach the five that didn’t survive. It’s actually a little laughable (and definitely not in the good way) how Tony got paragraph after paragraph, but those five had a general ‘HERP DERP THEY DROWNED’. Your story in general is very well paced yet this is a horrible rush and complete whiplash considering everything. Also, there are these little annoying sentences that feel the need to state the obvious.

/“And so Tony Willis survived.”/

Yours truly was really surprised about what happened in chapter 31. And I did laugh. Even though the whole situation was completely surreal (because of the hilarity), it wasn’t out of place. Every piece of comedy that has been inserted into the story at different points, hasn’t felt out of place. Again, kudos. And I probably would’ve had the same reaction Chris would’ve had. Chuckled again when CJ went ‘kbro, I need sleep now’ and stalked out of the room. It was extremely easy to understand CJ in that sleep-related situation.

Giggled again chapter 34 when reading that McIntyre-CJ banter.

In chapter 36 you brought in the survival instinct again, but it wasn’t as annoying as the animal thing. Mainly because it added a darker shade to CJ’s character. Drew him out a bit more and stressed the fact that every character doesn’t have to be a knight in shining armour. I mean, there are characters that aren’t Stus, but they usually have a guilt characteristic attached to them straight away. Humanity, caring for the other person and such. CJ, however, went with a flat-out, straightforward refusal and had no guilt that he hadn’t placed his life on the line to save others (and possibly himself). Then again, since he thought it to be a suicide mission, why should there be guilt, right? It’s natural that it appeared later because people tend to dwell on situations.

It was quite fascinating to read chapter 42. It all made sense, it was dark, but it also was very interesting to observe how he fell deeper and deeper, how he changed as a person and what taking a life really means. Again, shading CJ’s character. And I’m sure that what happened in chapter 44 would always be playing somewhere at the back of his mind.

My favourite chapter of this whole story probably is the We Can Breathe In Space. Even though it wasn’t exactly a tear-jerker for me, it was filled with a sweet sadness. Plus, the whole thing was simply beautiful to read and even better to play in my head. Nice transmission between the present and his imagination, too.

Second to last chapter…I wasn’t entirely happy about. Mostly because it seemed like CJ had had his ending and now we’d see what was going to happen with Donna. Nevertheless, the whole thing sort of works. Until the last paragraph appears. In general, every chapters has had a pretty definite ending. Or an ending that introduces the next chapter – a cliffhanger. Chapter 46 ends in a fashion that leaves so many loose ends. Since you wanted to write a sequel to this story, Donna’s and CJ’s future adventures could be in there and, sure, it could work out, but you’d have to change this ending a little. This story just doesn’t have a proper finish as it is right now.

We had a small discussion about the very last chapter at some point. While I understand that it’s supposed to introduce the sequel, it should be tied to the story you had written earlier somehow. Just mentioning CJ isn’t enough. Basically, what you’ve have right now, is a cold bucket of water for every reader that makes the switch from chapter 46 to chapter 47. Chapter 46 implies that there will be more about New York and such, but instead we get a completely new scene, completely new characters (until we reach the end) and completely new story. And what happens now is that your readers have two stories, both still unfinished. It’s especially disappointing because the whole story has been such a promise. At least there is a good thing about the epilogue: the ending makes us curious and wanting for more.

There are also a few typos, mix-up with names and dates, but those are minor things.

[To be continued…]
Goody's Secret Admirer chapter 1 . 10/19/2011
Please give this to TheRealGoodyTwoShoes in Critics United.. I have loevd him for a very long time.. but alaos.. Ic annot find his stories..

You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity

The first time, evey time when you touch me

I make you bloom like a flower that you never seen

Under the sun we are one buzzing energy

Let's pollinate to create a family tree

This evolution with you comes naturally

Some call it science, we call it chemistry

This is the story of the birds and the bees

Even the seasons change

Our love still stays the same

You give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Spread my wings and make me fly

The taste of your honey is so sweet

When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird heartbeat

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat

I've flown a million miles just to find a magic seed

A white flower with the power to bring life to me

You're so exotic, my whole body fluttering

Constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

I was on the brink of a heart attack

You gave me life and keep coming back

I see the sun rise in your eyes, your eyes

We've got a future full of blue skies, blue skies

Even the seasons change

Out love still stays the same

You give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Spread my wings and make me fly

The taste of your honey is so sweet

When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird heartbeat

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat

You love me, you love me

Never love me not, not, oh no

When we hear a perfect harmony

You make me sound like, like a symphony, oh

Spread my wings and make me fly

The taste of your honey is so sweet

when you give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird heartbeat

You give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Spread my wings and make me fly

The taste of your honey is so sweet

When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat

Hummingbird heartbeat

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat, hey, yeah

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat, hey, yeah

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat

Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat
subject2reality chapter 44 . 10/3/2009
This chapter was really, really good. It was a great turn of events and unbearably tragic. I really hope that, somehow, Chris is able to survive cos if he is to die, it has to be in a more courageous fashion than that, surely? No...i can't take it, the grief!
subject2reality chapter 3 . 5/17/2009
Ah memories. That last part was just plain hilarious.
The Lioness of Chestnut Street chapter 38 . 6/27/2008
Okay, so I just read the whole story through in one sitting, and it's really good. Probably better than the movie itself - more action and less crappy pseudoscience. I hope you continue to write this, and that it starts getting the kind of reviewing action it deserves.
Dartz-IRL chapter 38 . 11/15/2007
Good Chapter. Please keep writing this.

-Dartz
Peter chapter 37 . 10/30/2007
"The James Clark Ross seemed to be caught in a global battle between sea and sky, with monstrous waves hurling themselves towards the heavens and a continent-spanning snowfall screaming into the ocean. Lightning screamed across the clouds, illuminating scenes from a watery hell. The sight was so overwhelming as to be beyond human comprehension, and when the curtain of water was finally drawn again he felt shocked beyond thought so that he just stood there, clung to the railing like the frozen corpse of a down draft victim."

Extremely good visualization with this segment.
Peter chapter 31 . 10/30/2007
"“But you can’t just go! What happens when the others get back? I don’t know if you’ve noticed this unconscious woman and that dead FUCKING BODY!” "

I dont know if you intended for this line to be funny, but kudos to you for making it so!
Peter chapter 13 . 10/30/2007
"And he went “Faucet?” Which caused me to reply in some confusion “I did force it. I tore it out of the bloody wall.” There was water everywhere, a terrible mess it was…"

Yuck yuck yuck :P

I actually put an English accent to that joke, rather entertaining when you do that.
Peter chapter 8 . 10/30/2007
Want reviews, well here you go, short n sweet. I am currently at the beginning of chapter 8 and I can tell you with the utmost certainty, if you had been writing the script for the movie... I probably would have liked it better than what was actually put on the big screen ( though I'd still be rolling my eyes at what passes for "science").

Good job, I hope the rest of the chapters are as good as the ones I've read so far.
Dartz-IRL chapter 37 . 7/28/2007
Good Work man...
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