|Reviews for Date|
| shunkaha chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
I loved this, the flow was great and the overal thing was just too cute. A lot of the stories go more with cannon and write from Jean-Pauls point of view, so this turn of events was refreshing.
A few pointers to the first reviewer:
Stating that it is "annoying" that you don't immediately know which character is annoying is YOUR personal oppinion. YOU found it annoying. But seriously, anyone who spends more than 2 minutes reading this story catches on and knows immediately who is talking when. And quite frankly, "editing their names in" would have defeated the entire purpose of a story like this. Dialog only is supposed to work this way, you need to think for a moment to figure out what is going on. Editing in their names would have turned this into something like a chatroom conversation and I am conviced that that's not what the author intended at all.
Don't state your personal oppinions as facts, please.
| Renn chapter 1 . 11/2/2008
Lol cool fic! loved it, especially the secret pizza-stealing plots of the x-speedsters!
| Cat 2 chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
aah! poor Bobby.
| Taylor Chasikin chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
usually i have more to say but the utter cuteness of that story has left me without too much higher level vocabulary.
maybe i was wrong. i enjoy it either way.
| K. A. Maples chapter 1 . 4/16/2006
/It's possible Emma Frost owns my soul now./
As I have mentioned before on Livejournal, you win at Internet. This is one of the best lines ever.
| QueenCria chapter 1 . 3/19/2006
Very cute. I love Bobby's thought process. Tres bien, chere.
| Hatheny Lurey Dralaw chapter 1 . 3/12/2005
Gez, everybody wrote such serious reviews. Writing is supposed to be fun! Man, the first review was depressing. I thought that the dialogue (especially Bobby's thoughts!) was really accurate with the type of character that they were. Of course Jean-Paul wasn't as aloof as usual! One, he's around Bobby (in a word, HELLO.) and two, it's the author's perpective! Write whatever you want to write! As well as that, whatitsname vampire irked me greatly. What the hell! I thought it was brilliant, and I am unbelievabley picky when it comes to grammar and spelling. Not everyone's a flaking grammar teacher.
I thought your story had really good rythym to it; it had short and sweet conversation which was really apt considering how people in real life talk (hi, how was your day, fine, blah blah etc).
I didn't see anything wrong with it. I thought it was absolutely adorable. In fact, my first reaction was going 'aww' for about three minutes straight.
Anyway, I'd better wrap this up and get on with the review 'cause it's getting kinda lengthly. Keep writing great fics!
| Digital Tempest chapter 1 . 12/11/2004
I enjoyed this very much. Bobby/Jean-Paul slash is quickly becoming some of my favorite fanfics to read on this site. Though, I was a little confused when the timeline between the conversations changed. I also liked how you told the story just using the dialogue. There was just enough in the dialogue for me-as a reader-to picture reactions. Good job.
Just a side note in response to a couple points another reviewer (who left some very good advice) brought up. Whom is actually becoming obsolete (in favor of just using the word "who"). Many grammar books state this including my personal favorite Woe Is I. The only people who even strictly enforce the "whom" rule are usually high school teachers. Most people don't say whom in their everday conversation and this reflects in writing.
Also, ffnet has a way of making words stick together when you upload your chapters (you wouldn't believe how many times I've had to go back and fix chapters where my words were all rammed together), so I'm almost positive that that had nothing to do with you.
| The Review Vampire chapter 1 . 12/10/2004
Canon: you seem to have all your facts straight. However, your little footnote [(I don't care if your gay, just don't tell me anything I don't want to know.)] is annoying. The readers (should) know this, otherwise they wouldn't be reading X-Men fanfiction. If you insist on keeping it in the story, you might want to consider using an asterisk and refer to the reference at the end of the story.
Dialogue: the dialogue seems real and lively, and it reads away easily. It's realistic and you've set a good tone for it. It is, however, annoying that it isn't immediately clear from the beginning whom is talking to whom. You might want to edit their names in, so that the reader can place the dialogue.
Personalisation: Jean-Paul is characterized quite well, although he isn't as aloof as he usually is. Bobby is cute, but he is sometimes way too childish, and while some thoughts are aptly worded, others seem very out of character.
Logic: the fiction bears logic at first sight.
Punctuation: learn how to use commas. You forget to place them in many places, and it makes the sentences rambling and incoherent.
Spelling & Grammar: quite a few mistakes. You might want to consider taking a proof-reader.
["Well, who with?"] should be: ["Well, with who(m)?"]
[intensions] should be: [intentions]"
[Ofcourse] should be: [Of course]
[I thought you were celebate.] should be: [I thought you were a celebate.]
[for no clear reason] should be: [for no apparent reason]
[I'm sure your all getting together] should be: [I'm sure you're all getting together]
["You eat like like a lawn mower."] should be ["You eat like a lawn mower."]
Formatting: the change between the scenes is horribly bad. There is no indication to it, and very illogically placed, especially so since this fiction is in dialogue-form. Work on this: it makes your story a tough read.
Grade: 5.9 out of 10.0