|Reviews for We Are the Night|
| Saltandsweat chapter 15 . 9/1/2006
Rereading this for the first time in a year or two, I've remembered how good it really is. I honestly don't know how many times I read it before you reworked it, and of course I knew exactly what was going to happen, but your story still had me tense and actually scared. Fantastic work.
| ki-adi mundi chapter 1 . 6/24/2006
Wow. I am reviewing both "We are the Night" and "Mountains are Tall" and really all I can say is Wow! This is the second time I have read both stories and the second time you have astounded me with your excellent work.
First of all, let me say that I LOVE Lili. I mean, I obviously love the Harry Potter books (or else why would I be reading Harry Potter fan fiction) but there have been many times when I really hated Harry Potter and just wanted to scream at him that everything is not black and white in this world! Lili is flawed but she doesn't have a hero complex nor does she have the self-rigteousness bordering on arrogance which the Golden Trio is so famous for; I think she's a much better heroine than Harry is a hero. Plus, she is in NO way a Mary Sue, which leads me to the next point: the romance between her and Snape was very cleverly written and did not feel at all contrived. You left Snape the way he should be- greasy haired, hook nosed and snarky all the way. Yet you also managed to portray a more sensitive side to him. He was still a bastard- but even bastards can love, and tenderly at that. It was all very believable.
Now I just wish JK would give Snape a fair ending. I believe he's on the right side as well, and I hope she doesn't short- change him or us.
As a minor side note, I noticed that there were still a few typos in both stories and I wasn't sure if you had completed revision yet or not, so I just wanted to let you know about that.
Sorry for the very long review but I wanted you to know just how much I loved these stories. So thanks and I really appreciate the effort you put into both of them.
Keep up the good work.
(Also not British- hehe)
| laur chapter 15 . 5/22/2006
amazing well written story!
| dr1zzt chapter 15 . 4/19/2006
brilliant stuff.. keep up the good work )
| Autumn Darkness chapter 10 . 10/12/2005
I haven't read this in a while, but I still really like it. It's an original idea that is very well written. Good job! I hope you'll update soon.
| J-Kid chapter 10 . 10/6/2005
I'm loving this! I can't believe I missed it the first time. It makes me so glad you're reposting it so that I could read it. I'm loving all the characters, the interactions. I'm so adding it to my internet favorites list so I can keep coming back to check on it . . .
Heh. If I started a C2 Community page, this would definately be on it. :-D But there seem to be so many now that the community would get lost. I mean, there were 2001, the last time I checked. There should really be a search program for it.
| Autumn Darkness chapter 8 . 5/24/2005
I can't believe that you have so few reviews for this story. It is incredibly well written. Please attempt to update soon!
| HP-Scriptor chapter 1 . 1/5/2005
I'm currently looking for talented writers like yourself to join a role play community based on JK Rowlings series of books. The Salem Institute of Magical Crafts is an RPG situated in Salem, Massachusetts where we ignore the existence of Voldemort, Harry Potter, and other JK characters. We instead create our own characters, our own plot lines, and our own society. If you are interested in joining a community of writers with the same interest in Harry Potter, please take a look at the link on my profile.
Lisa, Nurse Adelle Fuller at Salem Institute
| WintryWishes chapter 5 . 12/25/2004
You know, I'm actually quite surprised I wasn't screamed at. This is one of my few (rather pathetic) attempts at actually being diplomatic whilst reviewing, and I didn't harbor much hopes.
Ah, the etiquette. Having a pole-up-his-arse dickhead for a teacher gives one rather formal stereotypes, and I couldn't really get used to the idea of Dumbledore talking with his mouth full. THAT isn't etiquette. That's plain rude (though it only applies for formal situations whilst meeting strangers).
I didn't expect any research, actually. Living as a chinese in a western country equals more or less stereotyping and scornful remarks to those stupid enough to actually voice it out, which has me much sensitized to inaccuracy in the chinese culture. Sorry about that.
The only time I've been to Beijing was spent in a relative's house, so I'm afraid I didn't get to taste much of the local food. ;D I do suppose I was too critical of your fic - Dumbledore was probably there for a shorter time than me, so what's stopping the locals from giving food that THEY like?
Lili being a westerner is quite obvious from her hair color, actually, and you've emphasized that many a time in your fic. I may have, however, missed out on the exact number of years. ;D
On to the fic!
I miss chaomantou too! I've been trying to cook it myself for quite a long time, though it only results in a wastage of oil and buns. :D
Your work, actually, reminds me of those literature novels. (Yes, this is yet another attempt at diplomatism.) To Kill a Mockingbird and all that. I'm not sure if the subtlety is accident or intentional, but the 'show not tell' is on par with that of the more...classical novels.
A bypassing comment after reading the end of your fifth chapter.
I don't really have much left to say, 'cept that your characterization is good for a Original Character fic. (You DO realize that chracters are paying far too much attention to Lili, don't you? Snape I can understand, but Draco?)
I'm being tongue tied today. See ya another day. :)
| Autumn Darkness chapter 5 . 12/16/2004
Ah! No! No, no, no! You can't end the chapter there! Darn you!
I love how you make us see things from the Slytherin point of view, though. Very creative and a nice curve. I seriously canNOT wait to read more. lol.
| Kite chapter 1 . 12/16/2004
Well, your (WintryWishes') email address is defunct, so this is the best place I can think to reply.
First off, let me thank you for your persistent attempts at criticism. Your first review actually reminded me I had this fic on the site and that I hadn't posted the revised post-OotP version here yet. So thanks for that. And I do appreciate accurate criticism, which some of your comments relating to the original fic were.
As far as what you've said here. A few things.
#1. This is not a treatise on the culture or history of China. I am not an expert on China, it's true. And no, I'm not from China either. I did however graduate magna cum with a degree in Mandarin and English, taught English in Beijing and studied honors Mandarin for foreigners for half a year at Beida. But this is not meant to be a reflection of that. This is just meant to be a light-hearted speculation about non-western wizarding mixed with a more serious exploration of Slytherin house. So, do forgive what you see as these minor "errors." I'm writing about wizards: I'm afraid I didn't do months of research. And in response to an earlier criticism you gave about Pinyin: it's romanization, meaning it IS like writing Chinese in English, and I've always seen compounded words in Pinyin, including in my textbooks in Beijing. So, that's how I learned to romanize. None of those systems is great, especially Pinyin (must agree with Qoleth here).
And, just so you know, I ate zhao mian quite a bit in Beijing. I don't think it's out of style or anything, at least not in the North.
#2. Dumbledore looking haggard. This is just my opinion, but I think OotP backs me up here a bit. Dumbledore is a pillar, but he is still human nonetheless. I would imagine by year 7, with the crisis of Voldemort's rise (which is going to get very bad before it gets better) it wouldn't be stretching canon to say Dumbledore will most likely be very stressed/tired, etc.
As far as hunger not being "in character" well, I think hunger is pretty in character for anyone who hasn't eaten a meal. And, furthermore, there is nothing in canon to dispute that Albus loves his food. Afterall, a fondness for candy and all that. And as far as Dumbledore and "etiquette"-I guess he never struck me as the type for that sort of formality.
#3. Lili with Dumbledore. First of all, let me make this point clear if it hasn't already become so. Lili is NOT Chinese. Her family, having gone to Hogwarts for generations, is English. So viewing her from a strictly Chinese cultural viewpoint is inaccurate, seeing as she would have had 11 years in England and only 6 in China. Secondly, having taught in China I agree, Chinese students are very polite. Almost to a fault. And Lili *is* polite, as far as I can tell. Her interaction with the Sorting Hat-LIKE the canon characters' interactions with it-are in her head, not out loud (the movie is not canon). I don't see how her interaction with the Hat has anything at all to do with her interaction with Dumbledore.
And on a small note: I have seen bamboo files many a time. Long files that would fall off a desk onto the floor. All I'm asking is for a small stretch here.
As you say, I appreciate the "effort" you put forth in your criticism. I am also glad you liked Snape, who, along with Lili, is the centerpiece of this fic and its sequel. Continue to read if it's not too painful and keep me abridged of all those cultural details-
Kite, who personally misses zhao mian quite a lot.
| WintryWishes chapter 1 . 12/15/2004
I couldn't help noticing that a mere one to two days after my first review, this fic was taken off, which was a pity, really, seeing that I intended to leave a much more detailed review in the former's place. One couldn't help wondering whether it was something I said. (Can't help flattering myself, can I?)
I like your introduction. Your portrayal of Dumbledore was nothing short of In Character, and adds humor in even the first few paragraphs of the fic...a fine beginning. (And just a little note, are you from China? Cause I hardly see fried noodles around there anymore - but then again, the last time I visited was a year back - and the more...traditional and 'cultural' type of noodles are the ramen, as it is generally noted, or, to seperate it from that of the Japanese, the lamien.)
Actually, let me backtrack to your summary, seeing that _that_ is supposed to be attracting readers to your fic.
Seeing that there are no wizarding schools for example in the first place, I have to derive my knowledge of the schools in China from the actual ones. As a matter of fact, schools there start one year earlier than schools from other places, which makes Elizabeth Lee one year younger than the rest. This is, however, to your discretion, seeing that we are not talking about normal schools here.
[He looked haggard and, at the mention of the meal, a bit hungry.]
I find myself rather disturbed by how you described Dumbledore. 'Haggard' seems rather wrong here, as we are talking about the Dumbledore, THE one others always look up to as the pillar of the wizarding world. Looking haggard would have the rest of the 'light' side of the war falling to their knees and crying due to lack of any light in their future.
Despite the humor in the 'noodles' at the beginning, you're taking it a step too far when stating that Dumbledore looked hungry. I'm sure you have instances of a joke that just lost its appeal, and _that's_ that the mention of hunger was, seeing that it really doesn't seem to be in Dumbledore's character. You could have, however, replaced this with him rubbing his stomach and licking his lips for example, as that would just be him trying to help a newcomer relax.
Well, I see that you're trying to say that the current chinese wizarding world resembles that of when dynasties were still happening and in the making. I just wish to remind you of the implications of this: in your previous version of this fic, you mentioned a painting, and olden time paintings were either done on silk or on paper. Seeing that bamboo means no paper, you not using silk to keep records means that Elizabeth's school was not that well-to-do.
Speaking of bamboo scripts, there is little chance that the document...ah...'flowed off his desk and across the floor in bamboo cascades'. One would limit a bamboo-strip roll (how the hell do you call these in english)to a certain length, and anything else would be written on a fresh roll. Furthermore, when one reads from a bamboo-strip roll, he or she rolls up the read the in one hand and unrolls in another. Dumbledore may be an eccentric weirdo, but he's not culturally ignorant. Hagrid's trip in book 5 more than tells us that.
However, your portrayal of Dumbledore was quite accurate, from his not-so-cryptic messages to the added humor that always shows. Good job!
[Just get it over with. that's where I belong.]
seeing that you never said how Elizabeth first greeted Dumbledore, this issue haven't been brought up. Once again I have to ask: are you from China? Chinese pupils are brought up with irritating politeness, and they have to address everyone with the honory titles (rather reminds one of Japan, really), not to mention bow everytime they see a teacher. It is really hard to write about a country if you haven't experienced being part of it, and, much as I appreciate the effort, there are many other countries which speak chinese. Furthermore, chinese are brought up with more etiquette than other countries, and ours say that one must never correct another whom one is not familiar with, for fear of offending the person. Elizabeth's interaction with the hat is quite...unexpected. Especially when it's in front of a headmaster.
Dumbledore's table etiquette leaves much to be desired. I fear that, whilst Ron and Harry can make a fool of themselves at the table, teachers should not be allowed to do so, expecially in the presence of a Slytherin, who is, from other things, associated with knowing their place in society (and therefore etiquette).
All in all, for this chapter, one must say that whilst your writing is fair enough, your portrayal of characters leave much more to be desired. (Though I liked that of Snape.)
| louise chapter 3 . 12/14/2004
hey this is really good. pls update soon. also this may be a blonde question but is Lilly asian?
| Autumn Darkness chapter 3 . 12/14/2004
This is definitely one of the best stories I've read on fanfiction that incorporate a new character into the HP mix. Very nicely done. Can't wait to read more!
| Qoheleth chapter 2 . 12/10/2004
Intriguing, certainly. The description of Chung Mo Hsueh was so compelling that I was even willing to forgive the barbarism of Pinyin. Whether the story itself will be as fascinating remains to be seen, of course.