Reviews for The Perfect Role Model?
Guest chapter 3 . 6/16/2014
sequela
mirage-musician chapter 3 . 6/13/2009
WOW! I can't believe this. I want to say that I loved the story but I didn't because of the sad ending(which translates to I really did like the story and it is one that I will remember and will add to favs, but I don't think I could read it to often because it is really sad. Wonderful job!) I can kinda relate to Mokuba because I used to feel the same way even though I don't have any brothers or sisters( wish I did though) and I felt and sometimes still feel "not good enough" I am a musician and you can hand me an instrument(that ive never tried to play before) and probably teach me a song within an hour or less, wouldent be perfect but recognizable all you have to do is show me how to produce the notes/chords that I need. Music is my talent and in psychology is my "intelligence" so to speak, and I will tell you right now that I just barely passed college algebra and I had to take it from a different school because I couldent pass the one at the school I was currently attending at that time. It took alot to make a "c" (YAY ME) it is not my talent, I envy ppl who can do it, yall stink :P, but anyway back to me main point, I udes to feel bad because, like my parents(for example) could do math understand science and so on( I did like principals to chemistry though, oh pretty flames, *burn heck out of self for grabbing red hot containter with normal gloves*, 'yes brilliant right?') So anyway i have graduated and moving on to continue my music degree, but i guess my whole long drawn out point is that not everyone has the same abilities and everyone is sutted for a different job like where Seto was at he needed math and computers to get through his job but if you look he really doesnt know how to read ppl and to confront his brother on more personal issues, he knows something is up but is never really sinks in what is happening he has to have it spelled out for him, YOUR BROTHER WANTS TO BE JUST LIKE YOU, should work lol. Anyway, Mokuba would seem much more sutted to be around people, in all honesty he has a little more common sense then his brother, he is just to young to really understand alot of the situations going on. Ok, so now since I have written half a book on here I am going to hush and find someone to tell a story to _.
sirensbane chapter 3 . 8/12/2008
Why did you have to end it this way? It was well-written, but now I'm really depressed. Poor Mokuba!
Parcel chapter 3 . 2/19/2006
Me1: pulls out a knife MUST KILL AUTHER

Me2: But the story is writin so well

Me1: Hmph but.. I don't like it when character misunderstand eachother and we know why especialy when it ends like that

Me2: So... I like it it was vary well writen I'd say this person has real talent as a writer

Me1: But it made me feel sad in side im depresed now

Me2: this is weird maybe we should our meds

Me:*takes meds* why hello im Oshan
yumithebutterfly chapter 3 . 1/22/2006
oh, geez. i didn't know that would have such a sad ending. bummer.
zucool chapter 1 . 1/1/2006
T_T Poor Mokuba, such a hard working kid. Make me kinda guilty. xD
evilbunnymusicbox chapter 3 . 12/12/2005
Sad and cold with no happy ending. BOO HOO
Mary chapter 3 . 9/1/2005
That was sad! But very good.
Briallyn chapter 3 . 7/22/2005
Oh gosh, how cruel you are, niisama! How dare you? How DARE YOU? Gr… brb, gonna go pace the room.

Ok, all done. Kinda wish I could flame ya, but I can’t. The story was exceedingly well-written and the actual story was great, though cruel, and I reserve flames for stories I hate, so…...so sorry, your story just doesn’t fit the bill.

“But, the ‘if only’ phrase was something even a little whisper of wind could blow away to leave only a trail of weeping regret within the heart and mind. The memories would remain, but choices could not be remade.” Very nice line…love the wording. Words and phrases of absolute beauty. Maybe you should try poetry…heh.

“The same as many teenagers or pre-teenagers entering a moody stage. The answer that compounded so much meaning in the one line. “Fine.” The I’m-not-pleased-you’re-asking-me-and-I-have-to-seem-cool-but-sometimes-I-wish-someone-would-really-mean-the-question-or-pry-further-and-force-out-the-truth reply. Mokuba’s answer was always left as it was.” Heh, you’ve got it! Poor Mokuba—no one can see behind his mask…but then again, he doesn’t really want them to…the one person he might want to-his brother-is blinded by his own hopeful belief that Mokuba is indeed fine. How tragic…

Gozaburo’s book is awful! I don’t believe Kaiba even kept it when someone gave it to him! He shoulda burned it and then the problem might actually have been solved happily! (Though you have Gozaburo’s frame of mind down pat…good job, considering how little we ever learn of him.)

“The two brothers ate in silence for a few moments, or at least tried to, but they failed in both aspects. Eating something so nasty took tremendous willpower, and it was getting harder to force the fork to the mouth each time… every bite emitted loud cracks into the air like eating raw noodles. Obviously, noodles went through stages, starting out iron hard, turning softer until they were extremely gooey and then turning back into rock.” Nice description…have something against goulash, do you?

Ok, last line I’ll point out: “Slowly, ever so gradually, the words of Gozaburo managed to sink into Mokuba’s heart and open his eyes to why Seto acted as he did. And, becoming more and more obvious, Mokuba knew that if he wanted to help his brother succeed and truly pay him back for all his hard work, Mokuba had to let Seto go.” How terrible! Yes, a logical line of reasoning, I suppose…though he could’ve taken it another way too…but it doesn’t matter.

Good job. I liked it, even if it was sad…I’ll read more later! Better go work on my own story…and I think I’d better go find a story with a happy ending… Ja ne! :) _
Briallyn chapter 2 . 7/22/2005
Whoa… Wow, you’re cruel. Very well-written and very good story…but what goes on in your head, I’ve no idea. (Or, wait, yes I do…hehehehehe)

Uh…melting into this chair, so I’ll point out some good lines, k?

“Now, was the first time the CEO wished someone had taken a daring step and tried to make him see the truth.” (oh poor Kaiba...so confused, yet he has no idea what to do—what a first—because he had no good parent to model himself after…I think Kaiba needs to find himself a “perfect role model”)

“The new heat just made his fever rage higher, but Mokuba did not care about his health just then. As long as his dizziness was not bad enough to make him lose his balance, it did not matter.” (Heh. Sounds a lot like our Kaiba…but that’s the point, no?)

“‘Is there anything so flattering as wanting to be just like someone? I just wanted you to see what you meant to me and that by doing so I could mean something to you, too. Yet, I guess what I want is something only the old Seto would do. Now that you’re a Kaiba, you can’t help but care only for work. And that work can only be your own. I’m sorry, nii-sama.’” (Yes, Mokuba’s reasoning finally comes to light…too bad his brother couldn’t hear him…then maybe they could both change for the better!)

Well, onward to the alternate ending. :)
Briallyn chapter 1 . 7/22/2005
You evil evil evil sister of mine! You’re really setting this one up, aren’t you? You’re crueler to our favorite vics than I am!

Ok, done ranting. Good first chapter. Wahahahahahahaa!

Oh, yeah…I liked this line: “There was a problem in the Kaiba mansion. The problem, however, was not immediately evident. Only through the sighs and changings of position of one boy did the problem reveal itself.” And the one almost identical to it: “There was a problem in the Kaiba mansion, though it was not immediately evident. Through a thick silence and lack of movement, the problem portrayed itself” Sound nice…and the repetition is good. (Also reminds me of a line from a Douglas Adams book. Heh.) Poor Mokuba, trying to become his brother’s twin, all while thinking his bro’s disappointed in him…and poor Kaiba, who just doesn’t understand it and worry’s for his bro…you’re cruel. On to chapter 2! (sorry for the sloppy review…)
Sphincter chapter 3 . 6/5/2005
That CAN NOT be the end! In a story (even a one-shot) you present a problem and then resolve the problem thus a story. If the problem isn't solved then that's what sequels are for! Also a character should die too and that'll solve the problem (although as far as the Kaiba brothers are concerned, if you killed one of them or both I'd never forgive you.) I want more! At least enough to know how Mokuba turns out when he's an adult. If he's like Seto then he should be interested in another company or something. Mokuba would eventually commit suicide if he kept being void all the time.
anonymous chapter 3 . 5/23/2005
HEY! THAT CANT BE THE END-SOB!
anonymous chapter 2 . 5/23/2005
I like your (supposed) ending
anonymous chapter 1 . 5/23/2005
poor little Mokuba's...ACTING LIKE AND IDIOT!
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