|Reviews for Golden Sun: Sol Adept|
| jen chapter 2 . 4/12/2005
YOU- SUCK! ... *glare* shut up! I take that back, I just remembered what you said after I said that last time.
You've completely given up on this story and the sonic story haven't you ?
oh well... *stares at infected lip* ew ...
... I need to .. poke it ..
me: o-_-o child abuse ... I'M CALLING SOCIAL SERVICES!
| Daddy's lil girl jeni chapter 2 . 3/31/2005
Shame on me I wrote 4 reviews during school hours. Drafting to be is boring!
Good story. A little confusing for me though. But that's just me.
In the first chapters of 2 of your stories, you're already have a girl walking around in a nightie with no underwear and two guys having 'thoughts' of a girl.
I said it before and I'll say it again ... pervert.
... DADDY *Glomp*
| siverstorm chapter 2 . 3/22/2005
it's a great story update soon
| Rozzlynn chapter 2 . 3/3/2005
Ah, I see what you're doing with the golden sun... though the parts about that seem a little... sort of rushed, without much detail or explanation, which might work except the way they talk isn't quite taking it seriously... Though it still seems like the mysteriously powerful sage acting all evil could work, even with the explanation of why Alex couldn't do anything once he was awake when he had the golden sun withheld as a plot point for later, if the way the characters talked alluded to the mystery rather than sounding a bit random.
I liked the bit in between though! The friendship between Jenna and Karst is good, especially with the cooking part! Detailing how Karst has been fitting in really helps make her inclusion in New Vale seem more fitting, even without detailing how she and Felix fell in love exactly. The other couples are all good too; the way all the old friends have aged and, in Lemuria, not aged much is great, and the other kids sound interesting. Plus, Agatio and Garet are really cute there! I don't think I've ever seen that pairing before, but it seems like one that could make sense. Of course, it means they won't have a kid to join the quest (unless they adopted?). Well, that's my review like you asked for, whatever you make of it...
| MoR chapter 2 . 12/20/2004
Cool story so far. A few nigly things which other reviewers already mentioned, but over all, still good. Do continue.
| Phantom chapter 2 . 12/19/2004
Could do with a little work, from my point of view. I personally think each bit is kind of small, but I've noted this as being a common issue around the Internet, especially coming from roleplayers. There are some grammatical errors, most noticeably in the first part such as "The day was quite" (Prelude, Paragraph 1, Sentence 1)-intentional, or is it a quiet day? The paragraphs in themselves are spaced unusally, such as "Suddenly everyone’s noses wrinkled and they all ran for the inn./
Several minutes later" (Chapter 1: Alex, Paragraphs 15 and 16)-it all comes a little abruptly. While on about paragraphs, try to get about three sentences per paragraph (unless you're trying for an effect) and also start a new paragraph for each different person speaking. Sorry if this all comes off harshly, but it'll help you get better with your writing, and I think you have potential to be good with that.
| Brotee chapter 2 . 12/19/2004
Very good story. But WTF is with Agatio and Garet!
| Rozzlynn chapter 1 . 12/19/2004
Seems quite interesting. The bit about Isaac, Jenna and Felix was very cute. I can belive Karst's story, but it's hard when it was 'for some reason'. Shouldn't there be a given reason in this world you're creating? The kids sound quite cool, though you didn't say much about their personalities yet, so it's hard to tell.
The only thing that's a bit confusing is the 'true way to attain the Golden Sun' bit. Even if Alex was killed, Isaac was given part of the Golden Sun and he's alive and being chased around by his wife... So Jolt's 'true' way only makes sense if Isaac didn't really get any of the golden sun, so what was the Wize One talking about?
| Spritz chapter 1 . 12/18/2004
From reading this small snippet, we can already see what appears to be a great works in the making. Decent lenght paragraphs, good grammar and the start of a story. Maybe it is because I do not know the game's storyline, but perhaps a little more detail about some characters and why things are happening. Also people have thoughts and feelings, maybe write a bit of that down. I know this is only a prologue, but you need to make sure you capture your audiences attention, leave them wanting more. Also make sure that the story flows well. You have the potentual, now bring this story to life like I know you can!