Reviews for A Day in the Life of a Gunslinger Girl
HecklerandKoch-Fan chapter 1 . 2/24/2008
As I said yesterday Nachtsider you write to the standard of a professional author. I have yet to find anyone to match the luxurious level of description you provide, particularly in this story. I'm sure all these things have been said before but this peice , to me, resembles more a painting formed from words or a lovingly crafted poem. A pleasure to read.

The harsh reality of the situation Liesel is in mixes with the rich writing style to give a most interesting effect, similar to a false sense of security.

As a character Liesel seems like a fitting addition to the original cast and her mature outlook on her situation sets her apart from the others enough to make her something new.

I appreciate the precise nameing of the weapon too. This is in keeping with the realism of the series of course.

It all got a bit too dreamy for me at the end, I tend to keep my writing down to earth, but it is effective non the less and provides an insight in to how these girls might actually think, which I think is valuable.

It has been said before but my only real problem is how easily this fratello get on... Liesel just seems to have it a little too perfect what with her above avarage skill, nice room, kind handler and beauty. But it's your story, your version of the GSG universe so as far as I can say, you can create it however you like.

I find the way you manage to make fight scenes happen at pace yet maintaining a high standard of description, excellent also, I hope I can learn from your skill.

I look forwards to reading more of your material, I feel I should thankyou for writing this.
Janick chapter 1 . 12/8/2007
The story that started it all. As great and groundbreaking a read as it was when it first exploded on the scene. Excellent work.
The Oddity chapter 1 . 9/2/2007
This is perhaps one of your more famous stories, next to Battlezone. After giving it another thorough read-through, I've composed what I hope is a decently written review that is balanced in both pros and cons.

Like a scarce few of your previous reviewers, I, too, find the excessive flowery dialogue a bit exaggerated, especially considering that this is in Liesel's point-of-view. In fact, her internal monologue sounds quite like your manner of typing, and after reading some of your other first-person works, the same goes for the other characters. I feel as though your writing doesn't have a lot of emotion put into it — even with characters who aren't as stoic as Liesel is, such as Triela, they sound flat, boring, and uninteresting. Sprucing up a character's thoughts or speech with the little things that indicate a personality is there helps tremendously, and I think you made at least a bit of effort with this in the few instances where Altheus spoke a line or two in this fanfic (his uses of "top of the morning to you" and "monkey business" stood out to me in particular).

The way you detailed the action scenes was awe-inspiring. Your sentences were concise and to-the-point, and I like them, I feel that's all that there needs to be said on the matter.

My next observation: Liesel. In her narrative, what she says about herself almost give me the impression that she's egotistical. This isn't a bad thing — as I stated before, much of your writing lacks characterization, yet somehow you've managed to communicate it with your OC — but if it isn't what you intended, then that is either your own fault or I'm not reading her personality in the correct light.

Liesel seems, like Triela, very proud and prideful. I'd be interested to see if, also like Triela, this turns out to be her downfall.

That being said, Altheus and Liesel as a fratello don't seem to possess quite as many complications or complexities as the others do. Triela, up until volume four (and perhaps onwards), was unsure of what Hilshire meant to her; Henrietta doubts her relationship with Giuseppe frequently and seems to constantly want more out of him, putting a strain on poor Giuse; Rico is blissfully unaware of practically anything, given the level of drugging Jean likes to use, but their fratello relationship has been shown in later volumes to grow and start to come out of its previously one-sided shell; and Lauro was negligent of Elsa and had no idea of the feelings that she harbored for him, not even until it was too late.

But Altheus and Liesel have none of this. They are straightforward with each other, and Liesel appears to regard him as a father figure and nothing more — I suppose the same can be assumed for Altheus's views on his cyborg. He seems to be an intellectual behind his slightly cheery exterior, and possibly influenced Liesel into the girl she is in this story. While this fratello dynamic is unique, it is also boring. There isn't any room for conflict between them; everything is as if it were consistently peachy and alright. It's much in the same vein as a 'Mary Sue' (which I'm sure you've probably heard of — if not, I can give you a helpful and in-depth link about them in a PM) is: the girl is perfect at everything she does, she has a wonderful or even not-so-wonderful personality that everyone around her accepts no matter what, and looks gorgeous to boot. There are no negative aspects about her, and if there is any, they are simply toned down and glossed over. It's no wonder a Mary Sue is considered the bane of an original character.

Liesel's determination to continue on is, frankly, a bit heartwarming to me. I'm just curious to see what happens when that little philosophy of hers has to really be put into effect and depended on if things get rough for her in any of your future fanfics. If she stays constant with it, that'll definitely prove to me that she has a strong will and isn't easily swade.

All in all, a good introductory to an original fratello. If only I could communicate as much in one story! :)
Necromantique chapter 1 . 1/29/2007
Amore mio,

With effortless ease has my beloved's literary wizardry succeeded in conjuring up a magnificent portrayal of the typical everyday routine of a child assasin in the service of the Social Welfare Agency, interwining all the elements essential in the definition of a masterpiece: analytically-crafted character depth, excellent development of storyline, creative utilisation of prose devices, as well as the incorporation of raw emotion. Charged with poignancy, profundity and an evergreen, immortal wisdom - 'A Day in the Life of a Gunslinger Girl' casts a withering light unto the attempts of all other authors who have feebly aspired to accomplish such a feat.

The methodical sequence at which the story unfolds is most admirable, dearest, for it provides the reader with a comprehensive outlook of the character, her appearance and that of her environs, on top of her background history, behavioural criteria, morals and principles. In the space of a single, solitary chapter, all this and more has been achieved: the motives and intentions of the agency have been clearly and concisely outlined, the ingenious purpose and prowess of the child assasins and the fine-tuned insight each of them possess. The incredible descriptive power evident in every syllable moves poets to tears.

Stylistically, the story is a multilateral epic on a multi-dimensional basis. The subtle emphasis given to ambience is exceptional - routine hum-drum builds up on suspense before culminating in memorable moments of quiet, worldly-wise rumination. An unsurpassed, bountiful knowledge of 'Gunslinger Girl' is reflected with utmost perfection. Needless to say, the power of linguistics is delivered with irreplicable gusto and finesse. Beauty flourishes in the glorious poetry of sophisticated diction.

Little wonder indeed, my love, as to why the legendary weaver of wondrous words who goes by the name of 'Nachtsider' strikes an impregnable chord, resounding evermore in the grand realm of literature. My enigma: Nachtsider.
Batson84 chapter 1 . 10/10/2006
This is a beautifully-written story that makes sophisticated use of two most interesting fictional composite characters to present the front-line experience of the SWA's mechanical bodies in the organisation's fight against Italy's enemies, offering not stereotypes but archetypes of cyborgs and handlers in combat during this clandestine campaign of assasination, espionage and intrigue. Superbly done, Nachtsider - bring this new fratello team back!
Celine chapter 1 . 7/12/2006
I was stunned, moved, transfixed and totally absorbed by this story - it's one of the most intelligent, poetic and stunningly beautiful Gunslinger Girl fics I've ever read (and those are far and few between, mind you). I absolutely love how it gets so introspective and dreamy at times, even during combat, and especially during the section where Liesel monologues at the end. All in all, this is a beautifully-written tale that introduces two most interesting new characters into the world of Gunslinger Girl. Tops!
Ilvinaeda chapter 1 . 10/24/2005
It's been some time since I've read a piece of fanfiction as detailed as yours.

The part I find funniest, and most entertaining, as well, is your completely formal approach to writing. It feels almost as if I'm reading a story penned by some great ancient professor of languages...primarily Engilsh, and to hear that tone from a girl who has not even reached maturity is quite a twist, in my humble opinion.

One of your other reviewers hit the point on the dot: that this girl has no illusions about what she is doing, and why. I think that in all other ways, she is exactly like the others...but this bit of ingenuity is what sets her apart, by leagues...and I agree wholeheartedly with your other reviewers in saying that it makes her most enjoyable. She's a girl with no illusions of innocence, no girlish wishes of being some great actress or dancer when she grows up...because she can already see who, what, and why she is. And living with that, enjoying every bit of it along the way, is probably what makes her a perfect addition to the crew of the SWA.

Her handler, Altheus, is another interesting fellow. Like Giuseppe and Hillshire before him, he chooses to buy his girl things that she'd like and use; but unlike the other two, Liesel has no illusions of happiness and a life outside of the Agency; she is happy where she is, and he is happy to keep her that way. His mannerisms are quite funny as well...saying "top of the morning to you" isn't something I can see any of the other handlers doing to their girls...and it offers a wonderful bit of humor to the story by having him seem so accepting of his girl, and her position in his life.

I think if that anything, the only thing I find a little distracting is the paragraphing. Some of the paragraphs need not be stretched over so much page...maybe condensing 2-3 paragraphs into one might be something for the future. Although, mind you, this is just my little nuisance, and not in any way detracting from the wonderful story you have written.

All in all, something I'd like to continue seeing on Writers like yourself are what make a joy in my life, and this story is but another great piece I have thoroughly enjoyed. Keep up the good work!
Colonel Marksman chapter 1 . 9/15/2005
Holy crap! Finally, a good FanFic writer who knows how to use English effectively! You're writing style is poetic, and very well laid out, ORIGINAL (LOVE originality) and the writing is STRONG. You're one of the few (1 of... 3) FanFic writers I congradulate on strong writing.

However, one tiny little thing: strong writing, plot: so-so, but still good. I'm still very impressed.
Snippy chapter 1 . 8/9/2005
Angie, Rico, Claes and Henrietta will perform their missions and even take a beating with nary a frown. Triela appears to be outgrowing her treatment - she has no problem defying authority and finding fault with the SWA.

Liesel's different. She understands her role perfectly... and doesn't give a damn.

A most chilling piece of fiction. Great work.
Magistra Templi Rex chapter 1 . 7/14/2005
This innocence-busting exploration of the world of Gunslinger Girl, as seen through the eyes of one of the SWA's extranormal junior operatives, is one totally hypnotic and mystical internal narrative that just put me in the mind and body of the young assassin. It's just so very expert at helping me understand what goes on in the heads of those kids... well, one of them, at least.

I like the final strokes of the story the best - the words you use are so haunting and so full of pensiveness, as you recreate Liesel's internal monologue.

The surrealist method you use to tell the tale is just so eerie and sinister, but also fascinating. It seems to shift Gunslinger Girl into a new paradigm without tarnishing the feel of the original series.

As for this new fratello team... were the canonical characters a rough draft for them? Liesel seems to possess both Elsa's cold efficiency and Claes' intellectual tendencies, and Altheus looks like Lauro, is as succint as Jean but can be nice like Giuseppe. If this is the case, the blend is simply splendid, and if not... you're a frigging genius, having created a duo who somehow stand apart from all the other characters in a very, very nice way.

Great work!
Guinsoo chapter 1 . 7/7/2005
An interesting surrealist interpretation of Gunslinger Girl. Cool.
Sheo Darren chapter 1 . 5/11/2005
Eerie. It seems so surreal at times. It reminds me of Max Payne 2.

This is, I believe, the best fic you've written with regards to grammar, spelling and punctuation. The story itself is also good, albeit the use of author-created characters may prove to be a bit disconcerting. But the characters are portrayed accurately and follow the same build as the Gunslinger Girl canon characters.

Excellent work.
deckman chapter 1 . 1/24/2005
Not a bad story, I want to echo Ministry Agent's comments on your language, though - too many big, flowery words for my taste. Sometimes, simple is best. I was also sort of confused about how old you picture Liesel to be - at times her internal monologue makes me think she is 16 or 17, other times she says she is much younger.

As to the idea for the story itself, pretty good - simple, to the point, no ambiguity in why they are taking the fellow out.
Deathra chapter 1 . 1/18/2005
Too lazy to log in...

Sorry about the typo in my previous review - my dyslexia sometimes gets the better of me...

Your story still rocks like nobody's business, BTW.
Deathra chapter 1 . 1/12/2005
A Day In The Life Of A Gunslinger Girl' is a remarkable work. It is wonderfully executed. The narrative flows beautifully, despite flashing between the present day (a gripping mission of assassination undertaken by the heroine, Liesel, and her supervisor, Altheus) and the pas (Liesel's early years at the SWA). Necronomicon's stunningly vivid descriptions add a dimension to the script that lifts it off the page in an almost magical way.

Necronomicon succeeds in creating a mold-breaking story while faithfully playing by the unwritten rules of the original Gunslinger Girl series. Liesel and Altheus are delightfully atypical while still managing to adhere to the norm, the former displaying profound intellect and insight and the latter being a true maverick when it comes to training his pupil, his strange techniques nonetheless reaping excellent results. The ending is where the tale really squeezes out of its own shackles, being a stunning and highly original take on what goes on within the mind of a SWA junior operative.

All in all, we're left with a yarn that Gunslinger Girl fans will adore. Necronomicon

certainly ought to visit this genre again - it would be a very good thing for fans of what he can achieve.
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