|Reviews for First Mother|
| wendyghost chapter 1 . 2/1/2006
good story write some more its good
| AlwaysForgotten chapter 1 . 7/11/2005
Aw, I love this story...too bad it was a one shot. Heh. :)
| Sparky16 chapter 1 . 4/30/2005
that was SWEET! awesome one shot! :)
| tankbbg chapter 1 . 2/21/2005
Aww! That was awesome!
| Megan Consoer chapter 1 . 1/3/2005
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters?
| Prospero53223 chapter 1 . 12/23/2004
oh please tell me there is a part two to this you said its a one shot I would like to see how the whole story would unfold if you wrote it a bit longer. You have a great talent and keep up the good work.
| Amon's Angel of the Darkness chapter 1 . 12/23/2004
this is good...but why'd you have to put alomst? why couldn't you just say it actually did warm his heart? i liked it either way.
| CatWolf Witch Kyobi chapter 1 . 12/22/2004
Hm..I don't know where you're going but I do if that makes sense good first chapter I'm waiting to see what you do next
| platedlizard chapter 1 . 12/22/2004
Very good. I liked Robin's characterization. Her vision was very 'realistic' (about as realistic as a vision could be, that ), it seemed the sort of thing that she would experience. The child isn't Mary-sueish, which is the problem that many of Robin's kids have. Amon, what we see of him, is also in character. He isn't fluffy even with someone he cares deeply for. Your prose is very nice, with good flow and pacing.
I do have a few critisms for you, however. The biggest thing you can do is proof read, proof read, proof read. You had spacing and punctuation errors. A beta reader would be able to help you greatly, but even taking a moment to read over your story before posting would help. I personally find that reading my stories outloud before I post it helps me catch a lot of errors.
Over all I liked the story, which is a nice surprise given the sheer amount of crap that has been showing up here lately. Just work on your proof reading and you will have a neat little story.
| AmonKnight chapter 1 . 12/22/2004
I thought it was pretty interesting. There were a few spelling mistakes, but other than that, it was good. I'd really continue with this. Hope it's not a one-shot.