Reviews for Chrono Trigger: The Sands of Time
Ocaj chapter 82 . 7/5
Still reading! Do try to finish it! I can fully understand how busy you are though. Keep up the good work, on all fronts!
Tsubasa Fan chapter 82 . 2/4
Please don't abandon this fic!
akanomie1 chapter 3 . 12/3/2016
interesting read i shall have to binge read this its well writen and enjoyable with lots of extra tid bits. great job
Erico chapter 82 . 11/13/2016
I'm no stranger to how life or something like it gets in the way of our writing. It takes me 3 to 6 months to provide updates to my Starfox 'Fic. That being said, all these years later, your novelization still reads like a dream. Keep it up. We can wait for quality.
Anoynomous chapter 82 . 10/26/2016
Nice to see a new chapter. Was hoping for more, but its got lots of good character development for Frog.

I'm guessing the side quest order is Ozzie's - Choras - Giant's Claw - Fiona's Forest - The King on Trial - Son of Sun - Geno Dome - optional: Ayla Sidequest (Singing Mountain _ ) - Finish Sun Stone Quest - Ultimate Equipment from Stone & Shell - Black Omen
war hippy fatigues chapter 82 . 10/23/2016
It's cool to see this is still going! This is definitely one of the best stories I've read on this site and it being unfinished always felt like a minor injustice.
patattack chapter 82 . 10/23/2016
Nice chapter. Liked how Glenn convinced the king to see things differently, especially that line about being no different than them. And that part with Eliza was cute. :-)

Frankly I'm surprised you had the time to write this, cause it seems like you're busy enough already. Best of luck!
Mugen Kagemaru chapter 82 . 10/23/2016
Glad to see this updated again. We've all come a long way since the last one.
Unclever title chapter 82 . 10/23/2016
Well now isn't this a blast from the past! Looking at this it's almost as if the story just hopped on a time machine and rocketed off to the future which has now become the present. And it's as good as ever.

I still love this story. Thanks for the new chapter!
filisapin chapter 81 . 8/17/2016
I cannot believe this story is actually still on the run despite its age. And almost 12 years, too! I deeply regretted coming to this fandom just recently. I love how you depicted Magus in here. Please do update more~ Oh, and good luck on your marriage life~
Ganheim chapter 26 . 7/4/2016
Chapter 26
There are two types of mentalities in this world: optimism and pessimism
[And realism. And pragmatism…]

A pessimist is incredibly real and logical
[Whose thoughts are these? We need a who and where to set the scene and we don’t have any for this. Without a character voice, we’re being lectured by the writer]

no reason to be happy or expect things to change
[And yet people did even in the midst of the Black Death]

problems have been absolved
[Sins can be absolved, problems are solved]

force feeling into their legs
[Will can force movement into working muscles, but feeling is an internal neural working not dependent on will]

realized that Marle was
[Telling, skip to the showing]

made it the last time we tried anything
[They haven’t encountered Lavos yet, they don’t know particulars of what they face]

It would be best to
[No, don’t Tell us. Especially when you’re throwing presumptions at us, if you want world-details then give them from a character so you develop both the character and worldsetting. The classist presumption you make for Nadia and Lucca is classist to an insulting degree. Don’t tell us how great nobles are, tell us how altruistic *Nadia* is]

heart of a leader that had been carefully crafted since her birth
[The education to get away with Insider Trading in the Stock Market, and order thousands of serfs to their deaths as conscripts in ego-motivated wars to show off against other nobles?]

Chapter 27
silence…broken by the…wind
[wind is not silent. “leaving only the howl of the wind” might be what you’re looking for]

snake-like slits
[ Snakes can’t close their eyes]

Chapter 28
cobwebs were thick…abandoned long ago
[How would they know? Spotting a spider is difficult in good circumstances]

but I will do so anyway
[Show, don’t Tell. Also keep the focalization to character so you don’t slip into Author Intrusion]

were placed in evenly spaced places
[Unclear, repetitious]

webs in its wake
[ The portal doesn’t have a wake, it’s not moving]

which I have said
[Author Intrusion]

However, his hands
[This whole segment is unnecessary repetition]

It was truly
[Author intrusion? Not character-focal. Also doesn’t ground us in the scene (which is important in a time/dimension hopping story), but as you directly continue the previous scene I don’t think the scene separator should be there. Taking away the Author Intrusive Telling would help]

that she fully inspected
[Passive, wordy, and about 1.5 pages after they enter Robo’s room]

it was in decent shape…it was in deplorable condition
[This is why you avoid Telling when you can show. This disagreement is in the same paragraph, and your shown description is clear it’s in bad shape]

repaired ages ago, only it had not been started
[I have no clue what this means]

"What if it
[Do not EVER start a scene with dialog. Set the stage: the where, then when (in a time-traveling/hopping story), and the who. This could be generals looking at a mystic in the “modern day”, or cavemen hunters looking at a catatonic reptite]

It works on UGEE
[Then Prometheus would collapse, unpowered, when they went to the BC era before Lavos falls]

gears began to whirl (…silenced them
[So is it audible to the characters or not? You’re being confusing. Remember to focus on descriptions that a focal character can perceive and you’ll keep a much more consistent scene]

stood on its feel

machine was blocky and seemed stiff…moved with an effortless grace
[Self-contradictory telling]

fingers being pulled by gears and such the same way tendons
[Tendons are corded material, gears are small rotating fixtures]

sincere apology. "I must apologize
[Telling is repetitious]

I shall go by X
[That’s not in the game script. I applaud you]

detonate a weapon of mass destruction
[Directed explosives designed to breach specific sections of fortifications are older than firearms. “shaped charges” or at least ‘specialized explosives’ would be required, a weapon of mass destruction would be overkill and a robot from the era would know that]

supply the pumps
[There are pumps now?]

forgot what Robo said his series was
[There’s always that internet thing you’re posting this story on. Or the classic fallback: T-800]

I like the idea of a novelization. You succeed in giving the characters distinct personalities and use the canon as more of a guide than chain, so things still felt fresh even though we saw the same mile markers. However, you have so much Telling Not Showing that I can't overlook those (especially when they become monologues that may be pages long and can't come from a character) and the passive sentence construction that lots of new writers struggle with.
Sarah chapter 81 . 3/11/2016
Good story I just tried to power through it in a few days and I enjoyed it immensely. I hope everything is going alright as I see it's been a while since an update. It's rather interesting to see the evolution of writing from the first chapter to this one. It makes me wonder how you'll handle the Fiona sidequest or the mother brain one with Robo, and I've been loving the hints with the thing with Marle's little arc with her father and the chancellor.
Guest chapter 81 . 3/3/2016
Please continue this awesome tale, this is the best CT story on here
Andrew Gribbons chapter 81 . 2/15/2016
I stumbled across your work earlier today when I was looking into emotions being a chrono trigger. I read several chapters over a couple of hours on my phone. I couldn't put it down. I was fascinated by the depth and exploration into the characters of one of my favorite all-time video games and stories. My search led me initially to the chapter in which Magus was talking about the two ways their magic could be strengthened, either by focusing on one goal, like he had, or by balancing oneself emotionally. Inventing the individual hardships of those climbing Death Mountain, and how Lavos preyed on their innermost desires - how Magus knew this is what Lavos could do, but still even he wasn't immune - silenced my mind and played my heart. Your creativity in making this story three dimensional is magnanimous. I thank you for being able to see through your eyes an accurate and believable breathe of life into characters I have loved since I was a boy. I hope to read more of your telling, should you continue into this endeavor towards its completion. Thank you. :)
Ganheim chapter 24 . 12/17/2015
Chapter 25
now barely legible
[Telling: they wouldn’t know without looking]

be a good time to tell
[Nope, but Showing might be nice. Lucca, being ridiculously technologically savvy (unless you take my idea of her being from 2000), could answer others’ questions about ‘what’s that box with a glass orb on one side’ and such]

as if they thought
[How is this point shown? Does somebody ask? Then skip to that]

answer there questions

grow slightly frustrated
[The adverb weakens the sentiment]

or brown anywhere
[There would be lots of brown]

here had affected
so that there was

in attempts to comfort her
[Unneeded Telling]

building could be seen
[passive. “screen zoomed in on a large, circular complex/structure”]

again you could see
[Taking us out of the character-focal scene]

green dots that were dense in some areas
[Lots of dots in the same areas, or larger splotches? This phrasing indicates the former, but your later description indicates the latter]

They were quite amazed

amounts of UGEE (unexplained geothermal
[Another reason I avoid acronyms: the audience has to be taught them, but you also have to use them in a natural, logical manner for the characters. There’s no reason for the computer to define it when the users asked specifically for it unless they’re clearly looking for something else and it’s a superintelligent computer]

frump only for a second
[Diminishes the sense of possessiveness]

transportation! To…it! This…do! I
[Exclamation points are a good way to show verbal force and emphasis, but only when used sparingly. Otherwise it all fades into a blur]

mourning and sympathy
[Why mourning?]

She gave the computer

so that she gained quite an insight
[Back to telling]

merging biological limbs into a host body
[Limb grafting? I’d think she’d be looking for cybernetic information]

seemed like birds
[You’re back into data dumps which do not advance character or plot (they advance setting/backstory, but remember that a scene which can’t serve at least 2 of those 3 things is holding your story back). You already told us they invented flying things, after that we need to either go into something that will be plot relevant and character-interested or move on to something else that is plot relevant]

see all the way to the bottom
[Impossible. Water can’t even penetrate 30 meters of seawater]

surprised to see…guns, swords
[Why is this a surprise?]

used in certain wars
[Vague. Don’t bring attention to something you’re not going to discuss (corollary: avoid bringing up things irrelevant to the plot)]

so many different strategies…one of many years
[This has been true since the bronze age – studied tacticians might even note that command has been streamlining since the iron age, as weapons become more overtly powerful and streamlined]

that could snipe
[A snipe is a bird difficult to spot, for anybody familiar with accurate terms you cause confusion. The early term ‘sniper’ actually meant ‘skilled spotter’ instead of the pop culture ‘kill from far away’ which still is usually not the case (they’re better trained in stealth now). Just ‘kill’ serves the intended purpose]

jabs in which fingers were extended
[Unless you’re going to incorporate mystic shiatsu, finger-jabs hurt the jabber more than the one struck]

seen a small demonstration
[Awkward jump out of the vein of thought. I’m also not sure who the focal character is, you left Chrono and Lucca so we’re bouncing around and that’s hampering the ‘hook’ quality of your scene]

sand showing that this bomb was experimental
[Sand does not indicate experimental, it means remote. I also want to point out that nukes weren’t tested in remote reaches to protect the populace, it was to hide their technical aspects from enemies. Same as the Nazi rocket program]

the blast causes very little harm to the environment
[Then it does little. Destructive potential is release of energy, that’s damage to people and environment no matter how you cut it. Unless you’re trying to set up “biological warfare is a good thing”]

"Well, maybe some
[Who’s saying this? You have 3 people arguing, clear attribution is very important]

we brought you back
That's different
[No it’s not. Besides, they were working on incomplete information to prevent a death more than temporal paradox]

most recent war
[The machine war to kill humans after Lavos left?]

guns…kind Marle carried
[Marle hasn’t used a consistent weapon yet in your story, she and Lucca have had different weapons every single battle. If she is holding one now, that needs to be clearly identified]

names of our countries
[Cities, as far as you’ve indicated so far. Except Guardia]

quotes from treaties
[Quotes don’t stop weapons, it’s the treaties that do]

world in the future?
[She’s asking a lot of questions. Why isn’t the computer trying to answer immediately or instead trying to get her to focus on one?]

Suddenly there was
[Passive, Telling]

began to speak very harshly
[Why? Computers, for ease of creation and maintenance, are consistent. Also: you’re trying to force attributions on us. Show, don’t tell, because we won’t just automatically believe everything you shovel at us]

caused their city to float
[Good hint at 25000bc]

The battle was
[War, battles are single events that except in sieges are short events (even sieges are generally termed ‘hostile periods’ of some sort, with actual clashes usually lasting hours long being the actual battles]

Magus or among his
[No idea what this sentence means]

instantly recognized all their history lessons
[All of them? That’s a lot. I think this is intended to imply something else]

the cruelest dictator
[I’d think ‘powerful’, but he didn’t seem to care enough for involvement necessary for ‘cruelest’]

he really die after the war?
[Everybody dies eventually, I don’t see why you’re trying to force nostalgia on us when they only knew him for hours and he was clearly not friendly so much as tactically astute]

neither had been seen
[were seen]

a mythological god

never heard of

obvious that she did
[Telling. I have no idea what this whole sentence is supposed to say, though I don’t think it’s important to character or plot]

The segment cut short
[Why did it play at all? There is nothing to tie it into Lavos]

strange suit like none
[If you are going to draw attention to it, describe it. If it isn’t important, don’t draw attention to it]

no plausible leads
[A creature burrowing up through the crust would be VERY clear. Moving ‘seismic’ disturbances would be unmistakable, they just wouldn’t understand the source]

You changed the future for me, so I can do it for the world too
[Not strictly part of canon, but I like the characterization which also ties into plot]

falling debris
[You don’t actually mention there’s an earthquake in progress. ‘buildings cracked and swayed in the quake’ is concise and descriptive]

Have you ever
[Author Intrusion]

excavate the ground
[They’re only starting now? Shouldn’t they be gathered in command tents or clustered around sensors?]

became a massive upheaval

It was unlike anything they had ever seen before
[Never use a sentence like this. It’s undescriptive and only calls our attention on this fact]

This is where
[Author Intrusion. Telling for the whole paragraph]

tearing apart whole cities in a single blow
[Even nukes can’t do that. I think you mean they ‘tear whole city blocks to dust’]

Fire arsenal at will!"
[Awkward, I’m not sure what it means]

Crono and Lucca could
[Author Intrusive Telling (the whole paragraph)]

You've still got a lot of Telling not Showing, but I still feel the sense that you have a definite sense of character and you're also doing a good job of adding your own interpretations and twists. You just need to "paint them in" so to speak instead of talking them at us.
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