|Reviews for The Dream in Your Heart|
| ShadyDexter chapter 3 . 6/30/2005
Decently written. A couple stylistic changes I might recomend. Instead of calling them "GP" say gil (or pieces of gold.) What sort of wolf do you know that carries around gold? Instead of saying they got gold from it make it a bounty where the kingdom (or merchents) offer a bounty for every montster killed (proof by cutting off the right ear or somthing.)
Instead of going to an "Item shop" refer the the market. This gives the town a larger feel (there were six square dedicated to Cornia. That city should be HUGE.) Little things like this got along way.
Other then that, keep writing. I am enjoying (most) of the character interaction. Thank you
| Carnivore chapter 3 . 6/12/2005
Whoo! Awesome! So... Very... AWESOME. Please continue.
| SmurfKiller chapter 2 . 5/29/2005
Before I plunge into criticism and praise too much, I read your A/N on how you want to stick to the original storyline. A great way to find a guide the the original game is to type in "Final Fantasy I" in google, and check the first page for a website called "classic gaming ff1" or something. You'll recognize it by the blue background and big headline that says "Final Fantasy Classic." There is a COMPLETE walkthrough to FF1, featuring almost everything you need to know about the game plus the storyline and guide to it. Just so you can stick to the original for the story. But I really wouldn't, because the original itself has a repititious and kinda boring storyline; if you stick with it too much and don't put much originality, it would be a waste for me to write long reviews for it.
You might want to rethink your first paragraph, giving it more style and stop with the simple sentences. There are quite a few which can be easily combined to make it more professional and consistent. Also, a few words are pushed together, without a space. Aeria's "19" but "19" should be spelled out. To make the story a little more accurate to the game, the Light Warriors never had crystals. They came holding orbs. Um. "Corneria" is a good guess to the original name. Don't they call it "Cornelia" in the remake? Anyways, the original is named "Coneria." Melmond is spelled right though.
You kinda rush through Aeria's departure. It seems like her grandfather wants to get rid of her, not make her find her sense of adventure. Don't think they had much of showers and showerheads back when magic and swords were in, either.
Contrast your author's note from your story. It's confusing when you don't.
Anyway, this story is pretty long, one of the longest FF1 stories I've seen, so at least you've been working on it. I like it. It's got some flavor from the different characters, it's exciting, and though it could use a couple of revisions, it's pretty good.
| MogGuy chapter 3 . 5/25/2005
Great chapter! You finally updated too!
But, I don't really like so much fighting between Jake and Varick. Some is fine (I understand they don't particularly like each other), but it seems like there was too much.
| Goth Girlie Girl chapter 1 . 1/23/2005
Cool, I can't beilive that hardly anyones commented.
| MogGuy chapter 2 . 1/16/2005