|Reviews for Wrong|
| MuggleCreator chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
Sigh. I hate this incident.
In my canon, Remus disappears, sometime after Harry notices him frowning, and alerts the teachers, who arrive just in time to stop James pulling Severus' pants down. James & Sirius lose many points, gain many detentions and after the exams finish, a day or so later, they are suspended. Am still undecided if James loses his Captaincy badge or not, and if he does lose it whether he should get it back or not. Sirius had his Quidditch spot firmly revoked after the Willow Incident.
Moony, after the incident, at the end of the day, he gives Sirius and James a tongue-lashing similar to what you describe, thinks about handing in his badge but is persuaded by James not to.
And Peter... Gah. I mainly thought it was Sirius thinking him dumb, that James was annoyed with him for forgetting something he thought easy. James mostly unintentional; Sirius intentional, but thinking its "just teasing".
| Snape5 chapter 2 . 9/19/2012
Your dialogue is very confident which I really admire.
I liked the small details, like James eating the lemon curd tarts before the raspberry ones, that made me believe he was a real human being on a different, extra, level to the convincing speech and thought patterns.
When you expand the world that Rowling has created there are obviously going to be times when you create ideas that don't mesh with other peoples ideas.
There is also a danger, I think, of embracing cannon too much. One of my pet hates is Remus's love of chocolate which has reached epic proportions in fan fiction. But that is slightly petty.
What I really like about your writing is that you are writing against the trend of good guys and bad guys.
I also like that, so far, I haven't seen you deviate from cannon, which makes your perspective on thoughts and motivations so much more valid.
It seems to me, when reading HP that the suggestion is put in place that James and Remus did not get along well, so I was interested that you made the reconciliation between James rather than Sirius.
I also hadn't considered that Sirius might hurt Severus as a way to hurt his family and so reassure himself. James obviously hates Severus because of Lily, but I had never attributed Sirius's behavior to a genuine dislike of the dark side in general. This would actually be more forgivable than him purely failing to empathize at all with people he sees as different to himself, and I am not trying to think whether his other behavior does back this up, for example with Kreature.
Your points about what makes anything 'dark' are of course brilliant and written in a way that hopefully most people could understand and are spoken by a character who's opinion is taken, in general, as good.
Peter's thoughts were very believable and sad.
| LuminationPresenter chapter 1 . 3/2/2011
You certainly put a lot more thought into what constitutes dark magic than JKR ever has done!
The whole abysmal mess of Deathly Hallows certainly painted James much blacker than Order of the Phoenix seemed to. Now we know that he attacked Snape for being a possible romantic rival and was not in the least interested in whether or not he was a budding Death Eater.
| AfraidOfFalling chapter 2 . 10/25/2010
Oh, I love it! Very clever use of "thick," and a heartbreaking view of Peter's emotions. You also portray James and Sirius remarkably well-I don't think I could ever come close to writing them that accurately: your careless, "teasing" banter seems so effortless.
| skele-gro chapter 2 . 9/25/2010
I like Peter's perspective. People really give him too little credit. After all, no one even suspected that he was the spy.
| trekker2002 chapter 1 . 7/15/2008
The Slytherin represented his other blacker self, everything his parents wanted him to be and he was most afraid of becoming. Beating up on Snape was how he reassured himself he’d never turn into him.
You're right with that, I had never thought if it that way. Good story, I hope there was a conversation like this. Lupin should have acted this way.
| citrinestone1000 chapter 2 . 2/20/2008
I like how you write other characters POV. I have also written (not posted) about what others thought about this incident. I think that Peter did feel left out at times from the group and that if he wasn’t in Gryffindor that it would probably pick on him also.
| citrinestone1000 chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
I also can’t get this incident out of my head. For me this is one or the strongest images in this series. It is just too real.
“No, I’m asking what makes the difference. Why is one spell light and another dark?” Good question.
“So what makes a thing dark is that its intention is just to hurt, not self-defense or anything good.” Great answer.
| Animorphgirl chapter 2 . 8/16/2007
Extremely well written, somewhat haunting. Very much in character. Looking forward to reading some of your other pieces.
| bennybear chapter 2 . 11/25/2006
Peter Pettigrew is generally neglected – not only by JKR and fan fiction writers but also, as the story shows us, by his friends. JKR hasn’t given, so far, a satisfactory explanation why he turned to the Dark Side and became a traitor. This story offers one: Peter is portrayed as a person nobody takes seriously. Not even his friends do. He’s the one everybody can make fun off and get away with it. Nobody notices how he suffers because he swallows all the insults and injuries without complaining. And so his frustration will grow little by little until, one day, he can’t bear it anymore.
| Telemachos chapter 2 . 10/26/2006
I can't say that your writing style was perfect in this one; there are a few glitches that need to be fixed up. Like you switched from third person to first person one time, which was kind of weird. Besides that, it was interesting. I still have a different view on the Marauders' relationships than you do, though. Why would they call the four of them "the Marauders" like they were in an inseperable group if they weren't all really friends? And James, although he had an "inflated head" wasn't stupid. And in OotP, Remus doesn't show any sign of having talked to James and Sirius after the incident by the lake. And as far as your take on Peter goes, I really don't think it was like that. According to JKR, James always stuck up for Peter...why would he do that and then turn his back on him?
Just a thought.
| Kerrymdb chapter 2 . 9/24/2006
Duj, I bow down to you! This chapter was amazing. I'll be honest, I've never given Peter much thought. But you really made me consider his story with this piece. Every thought he had showed why he was so easily turned to Voldemort's side. You have an excellent handle on inner dialouge. The cadence was great.
I loved the end, with the exploding snap game. That his most 'evil' thoughts came after the explosion. Great job!
| Kerrymdb chapter 1 . 9/24/2006
Very interesting. I liked that Remus finally found it in himself to say something to James.
“No, I’m asking what makes the difference. Why is one spell light and another dark?”
This is a really interesting question. It's the one downfall to the series as far as I'm concerned. That we really don't have a definitive answer yet. It's good to see that James didn't have an answer himself.
I also liked how you included the words behind the words, so to say.
| syrraki chapter 2 . 5/18/2006
hmm, I've reviewed a few too many of your stories today huh..oh well! I liked this, and I love again how you pull dimensions from a 2D character!
| Invaderk chapter 2 . 3/28/2006
Wow, I'm impressed.
I never really looked that deeply into Peter's character before, but i suppose there must be a good, solid reason that he became a death eater. I mean, who says lack of loyalty isnt a good reason?