This is quite good. It's got nice organization, interesting plot, strong characterizations. I think you've done a great job portraying both Jack and Imam! Most of the time, I can here Riddick, but sometimes I find myself questioning his actions.

I really like the persona you've given Jack. It works for this. Also, the style is well-done. I was slightly turned off at first, but then the pace slowed down, and I found myself really getting into this story. It's a lovely mix of drama, humour, and action. I thought you did a great job showing us Jack's journey through puberty.

You seem to know what you're doing, and aside from some minor gramatical errors and slight content gaps [like in this particular chapter, the jump to some elapsed time on Xanaca that alerts us to when the scene occurs], you've done I wonderful job. I noticed that you haven't updated in a couple of moths, so I hope everything is okay and that you'll be able to provide us with some more of this tale in the near future!

-Shad

I love this story. I hope o update it soon. I have read it like 20 times because I got bored and loved your form of writing.

This story is so funkin' awsome. I've been lookin' everywhere for a great story like this. How do you do it? Keep on writin'!

P.S. I was uncool before uncool was cool!

I absolutely love this story...its so beautifully written.

Please continue...

ok, i will hold the marshmallows hostage until you update. no fluffy gooey goodness until you get off your butt and submit a new chapter for this story. 'cause i know this isn't the end. and it would be such a shame to leave one of the only fics that has the characters actually in character with (gasp!) plausible situations and back stories. so i beg of you, please update.

:)

Wow, this story is great so far :) I really love the way Jack and Riddick interact with each other, they're both perfectly in character, as is Imam, and I love your writing style, it just seems to paint a really detailed picture of what's happening in the story. The best bit in the story was definitely Riddick explaining "everything" to Jack, that was priceless! :D Anyway, great job so far, can't wait for the next chapter! :)

oh no... I can feel it coming... I haven't even started the chapter and I know Riddick is leaving... why... because it makes great storylines!

*cringes* A Tale of Two Cities... Great Expectations scared me away from Charles Dickens I think forever!

I still can't see Riddick in a military school... I can see Vin Diesel, but, as weird as that sounds, I can't see Riddick.

imprisonment exile awful things... and ... BEING NICE! ARG! *laughs* I don't know if that's how you wanted it to come out, but it's the funniest thing yet...

Audrey? urg... why not Jackie? that's always cute... but it does sound air-headed like... (s'cuse me for the Jackie's out there... I know both of 'em air heads and really smart ones)

eugh... *makes more disgusting sounds* I get the whole reason behind school uniforms, but I don't like them... and I don't think that they are at all necessary, but that's a whole 'nother topic

don't you hate when you're about to cry and you will the tears away, but they just WON'T go away... damnit!

moosey

"Two kills and a group of smashed kids." keeping count, are we now?...

BUTCHER BAY! It's about time someone brought that up... I would have in my fic, but I haven't had the pleasure of playing yet, and I wouldn't want to put inaccurate info in a fic... cuz that's a no no...

volatile... nice big word Riddick

eviscerated... I learned a new word today!

"Don't tell anyone. I'd lose my status as a monster." hahahahahaha... probably, but we'd still love ya riddick!

"Lajjun..." is having a kid Jack, and you're going to be so pissed when you realize it.

I don't think you're a castoff Imam found on a doomed ship Jack!

Poor Jack... it must be hell to grow up as a girl with a dad... and then you have to have him explain it...

I wish her father was alive, so 'I' can kill him!

damn... I can't believe I'm reading this... *laughs* this Riddick telling Jack about the birds and the bees is giving me the oddest picture ever!

Maybe you want Riddick to look more father like, but I think some of the things he has to explain, jack should already know. I mean when you live as a boy with your father who may bring home whores or whatever she would probably get the jist of it all... that's my imput on it...

*falls off the chair laughing and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy* only little Jack could come up with weird statements like that...

well that was a hilarious, yet touching ending!

ok... not one of my favorite chapters, but still good...

moosey

muster... I love that word!

"The wound needs to be closed or it will scar" Although it may scar anyways. Not all the time when you stich somthing will there be no reminder... that was random of me...

well... that was a heart ache... now I wonder whether you're going to stick with the story (riddick leaving them in new mecca)or Riddick staying... in most circumstances, I like when people stick with the main theme of the story, but I would love to see it go either way!

Great chapter... now moving on!

Moosey

of course they're children, Imam... you're talking about Riddick and Jack... duh!

-sarcasm to the fullest-

"That was fucking terrific" ah! Only Riddick can pull that one off! I love it!

Jack Richards... how original... I love it still...

oh yeah Jack... feel guilty... buy the sexy stuff at the store... nice

stupid riddick... urg... he gets me so freaking mad...

well I'll probably be done with what you have by tomorrow... since it's almost midnight and I got history test... I love history (random truth of the moment)

this is an absolutely amazing story... I now know why you have so many reviews... but I've read some stuff where it's amazing, but there's not many reviews... so all in all... reviews don't really matter... but they help you write faster... and writer longer chapters...

so this is a good review...and I beg you write more with god's speed

moosey

hm... just out of curiousity to why you pick Victor Hugo... I just saw the play at a high school a few weeks ago... that's weird...

riddick is a stalker! ah! jk

That was to funny for my own ribcage...*doubles over in laughter* I can't imagine how you can compare Riddick to santa claus... *laughs* only you, my friend, only you...

aw... do I miss cosette... that's a really weird connection you have going on there... but... damn... it's a good one

"Of course, Riddick had done a lot more than just steal a loaf of bread. But that was besides the point." laughs... of course that's beside the point!

"Kings of the slam" I love poker...that's great that she's learning such a great game...

Ok is there a place in the books where is says her name is Audrey because HEY I missed the memo...

NO! I like jack... it's such a freaking cool name! ARG!... ah... ok -calms down- we stay with Jack...

well... well... well...

EXCITED! Post soon (because by then, I'll be caught up!)

Moosey

you verb tenses seem to be a little off, but it's still great writing.

woah! raging hormonal teenager... caution... beware... trust me... I would know...

woah... (now I'm sounding like Neo) well that's an interesting turn on things... She wanted to get close to Riddick so he could kill her, but her plan backfired... good thing too..

"God's an asshole, but sometimes, you want to have an asshole on your side." I applaud that statement fully and would like to congradulate you on that because that's the greatest statement on i swear

"You comin' in kid, or you just here to admire the scenery?" I'll admire the scenery thank you very much!

dun dun dun

tune in next time to the most amazing miraculous (sp?) fic of them all!

Moosey

I dunno if Jack would 'want' to ghost Imam... I mean, yeah, he gets on your nerves, but that's why he's dead in CoR and not alive...

HAHA! Jack so killed before Riddick... funny...

"He laughs again and squeezes the nape of my neck" ...my dad does that all the time...are we seeing a connection?

aw!

I freaking love this story...

moosey

brothers in arms... -nods- that's an interesting way to put it...

men do suck Jack... I so agree!

well... that was interesting... a little rushed, I suppose, but good all the same!

Moosey

...-takes a deep breath- wow... I have to pause and congradulate you on this writing... I want to say it's... accurate, but I can't because I don't know whether it's true or not, but that whole part where Jack talks about getting her period... damn... all I can say... damn...

you have a gift...

I'm thankin' god for midol! -grins-

"Now get some fucking sleep or we'll start training right now." -laughs- brilliant!

simply and beautifully brilliant... I think that this may be my favorite story on and I've read some really great ones

moosey