|Reviews for Bleed With Me|
| XFayt LeingodX chapter 1 . 2/15/2005
This is an intresting story! It's creative. Fabulous! Keep writing!
| sadasdhasfadskhfgvasdyufgudsgf chapter 2 . 2/15/2005
Oh nice wow reviewings a bitch but i love to read your stories nice chapter saturn hope you update soon
| Silvie-chan chapter 2 . 2/15/2005
Okay. First of all, this idea is a bit cliched, although I've never yet seen it in the FFX fandom. It's a bit unrealistic, and I suggest you do a bit of research on the subject before you continue. (And I don't mean reading some Anne Rice books.)
The neck is a horrible place to bite someone for blood - you'd have to bite their throat, not the traditional side, because there simply isn't a lot of blood there. You'd go for the wrist, which has a major blood vessel instead, or something like that. Anyways, back to more mundane things.
You write first person POV decently, but...it's just stale reading. First person POV is insanely hard to pull off well, and your way just doesn't cut it. It doesn't "feel" like Yuna or Tidus is telling the story, so the fic feels rather transparent. For some good examples of first person POV fanfiction, I suggest reading Guardian1's work. She's absolutely amazing, and I think it would really help you to look her up. She's here on Fanfiction dot Net, so you should be able to find her if you do a search on her. And if you can't find her via penname, look for "Go Not Gently" in the Final Fantasy IX fandom.
Your dialogue is a tad stiff, and doesn't flow right. I'm not sure how you can get it to work better, but I'm just making note of that. Maybe you could look up a game script, and note how the characters speak; do they use contractions a lot, do they tend to be descriptive, ect ect.
Also, Tidus and Yuna are both rather off-center. Maybe you should replay the games a few more times? They're just...not right. Their current personalities vaguely resemble
You obviously use spellcheck, which is a point in your book. However, you have tons of missing commas. And if it's not misplaced commas, it's run-on-sentences, missing suffixes, and a wagon-full of other little mistakes. Did you even go over these chapters once before you posted them? Anyways, my suggestion is to go over your work a couple times before you post it, and to get a beta reader.
That's all I can think of right now. If you have any questions, toss me an email at ladysilverdragon at hotmail dot com (with the proper symbols in there, of course). Or, if I'm on, attack me on AIM at NekoSilvie.
| Kandy-Sugar chapter 2 . 2/15/2005
hell yes. this was damn awesome.
| Rollercoaster217 chapter 2 . 2/15/2005
I really like this story, all dark!
Cant wait to see what'll happen next
| CallMeKit chapter 1 . 2/8/2005
Muy bien! Wonderful! Great! CONTINUE PLEEASE!
| peridotaurora chapter 1 . 2/8/2005
That was good, but creepy.
| starzstruck-1 chapter 1 . 2/7/2005
OMG, that was amazing. I'm really into the whole blood/vamp thing.. and that was totally hot. Please tell me you're gonna update soon?
| IvoryCoral chapter 1 . 2/2/2005
Okay, now you've gone and hooked my interest and I want to know what happens. IS THAT IT? That Better not be it. Keep writing!
| MzHopeless chapter 1 . 1/28/2005
don't know why but after i've read this fic, I've been reading so many vampire fics like the one written by LadyComplicated and TiDuS-FoReVeR
| lollipop01 chapter 1 . 1/22/2005
Omg what can i say? I have never really been interested in the vampire fics and i dont really know much about them but you make it all seem so intruiging and i cannot wait till the next installment of bleed with me, beautifully done
| Sp0rKy chapter 1 . 1/18/2005
Servers ont letting me review on my profile for sum reason, *shrugs* oh well, his story shows humunga dunga amount of potential for an excellent story. First chapter was awesome. seduction from blood. -shivers- i get queasy when i look at blood, anyway, i think i get the idea of where this story is going but i aint saying a word for te reader's sake. Hope to see the next chapter pretty soon!
| DreadedGuardian chapter 1 . 1/18/2005
Holy shit, you can't be serious and tell me thats all?
| lillie chapter 1 . 1/16/2005
DUM DUM DUM
| Wollff chapter 1 . 1/15/2005
Cool! I liked the first chapter a lot. It seems a little strange to see Tidus as a vampire but it's a nice change. I've also read your other stories, also very good. I hope you update soon.