Reviews for Big Trouble in Sengoku Jidia
DramaQueenABZ chapter 2 . 7/2/2005
Ah! The suspense! That was an interesting chapter! Yeah for Inuyasha sightings! *sprints as fast as possible to next chapter*
DramaQueenABZ chapter 1 . 7/2/2005
Hm. Interesting start. When is Kagome going to become more aqainted with the Ranma gang? I guess I'll find out later won't I? Still, it was funny! *runs off to next chapter*
lunasgathering39 chapter 8 . 6/29/2005
Please say there will be more. I can't stand being left hanging for too long!
Rayame325 chapter 8 . 3/13/2005
Hi,

Very good! I can't wait to read more! Sorry for the slow review. Track has started again so they might be slow coming but I promise I will review!

Rayame325
Jace3 chapter 8 . 3/9/2005
Wow. Both Ranma and Akane have some growing up to do. You'd think Sesshoumaru would be put off by Akane's temper... or does he believe he can subdue her? One of the reasons Ranma loves Akane so much is because of her strong and fiery spirit.

Very much looking forward to more... please?

-(Jacie)-
Rayame325 chapter 7 . 2/24/2005
Hi,

Very good! I can't wait to read more! Sorry I didn't review sooner, I haven't been on in awhile.

Rayame325
Jace3 chapter 7 . 2/24/2005
Hm... very interesting. So Sesshoumaru is falling in love with Akane. Uh-Oh... i forsee trouble round the next bend. Ranma is NOT going to be happy.

I very much like this fic and eagerly await more on it, at your discression that is O Great Author.

-(Jacie)-
Jace3 chapter 6 . 2/20/2005
Hm... this is the best Renma/Inu-Yasha crossover ive read. Keep up the good work.

Looking forward to reading more...

-(Jacie)-
internet weaver chapter 4 . 2/18/2005
The following part needs serious revision:

“Hey don’t I know you?” The girl asked. “Oh yes, yes of course, from Furinkin High, you’re Akane Tendou. We met a few weeks ago, don’t you remember your boyfriend knocked me down. My name’s Kagome, Kagome Higurashi. Remember?”

Akane huffed. “He’s not my boyfriend.” She missed Ranma rolling his eyes at that comment. “But yes I do remember you, just I didn’t expect to see anyone that I know here in the past. How is that even possible?”

“It’s a long story,” Kagome said with a smile on her face.

Don't you think that you'd be more than a little surprised? You also lack a lot of details, and your action/dialogue is getting worse, not better.

Original:

Akane’s sight narrowed in on those dog ears on his head, she wondered if they were real.

Try doing this:

Akane's attention was attracted to the dog ears on the top of his head, and began to wonder if they were real.

For your action/dialogue:

Inuyasha glared at Ranma, this human boy was in the way of the jewel shard. “Get out of my way human if you don’t wanna get hurt.”

A small smirk found it’s way onto Ranma’s lips. “Your move.” He bent down a bit taking his fighting stance.

Try this:

Inuyasha glared at the human in his way. "Get out of my way, human." He said menacingly.

A small smirk formed on Ranma's lips. "Your move," he said, assuming a fighting stance.

Looking around and pulling out half of the completed jewel from her uniform top, Kagome showed it to Akane. “Well I do have alot of it, it was inside my body at one time. So you can give it to me and not worry about it.”

This needs revising, too. But I think you have gotten the idea that I'm trying to convey.

You're leaving all the major details out of the important turning events, your spacing is horrible. (Try using 2 spaces for a change in style.

I.E.

“What going on?” Shampoo asked hurrying to Ranma’s side. “Who Ranma fight now?”

Inuyasha started for Ranma but he didn’t get very far…

“Inuyasha, sit!” Kagome shouted and the dog eared boy went face first into the ground.

This needs an extra space in at least ONE of these, since it goes from preparation to confrontation.

A major problem is the way that you have too many characters to keep track of. Sure, it helps keep the story well-rounded, but it's impossible to keep track of everyone at the same time. If you had to eliminate some people, I'd eliminate:

Happousai, Genma, Soun, Nabiki, and Kasumi.

By involving less characters, you give the main characters more to work with and more lines to use.

Your style is good, but it definately needs improving.

Use the suggestions listed and you'll earn a high recommendation.
internet weaver chapter 2 . 2/18/2005
What happened to Ryoga? It's like he disappears!

You're doing better with your spacing of actions and words, though there is still work to be done.
Rayame325 chapter 6 . 1/29/2005
Hi,

I can't wait to read more! Poor poor Ranma his foot just keeps jumpin into his mouth. I can't wait to see what Kagome does about Kouga!

Rayame325
Innortal chapter 6 . 1/28/2005
Not bad, we get to see them flawlessly intermingal, although we never did see Kodachi at the hot springs. Oh well.

Good luck.

Innortal
SadieIRL chapter 6 . 1/28/2005
I'd highly recommend this chapter because it is written by one of the most awesome fan fic writers ever!

Wait...I didn't write this chapter...;)

Ryoko Blue, you rock! Keep it comin'! :)
Rayame325 chapter 5 . 1/24/2005
Hi,

Interesting! I wonder how they will react when they find out about all the horror Naraku has done to the Inu gang? I can't wait to read more!

Rayame325
Paili-chan chapter 5 . 1/24/2005
Um... Just HOW many YEARS ago was it that Fluffy-chan killed Tatara? If it's been MANY years since that day, even Fluffy should know that even IF Akane REALLY WAS the Tatara he killed, wouldn't she be an old woman by now? Or hasn't it been that long yet?
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