|Reviews for Blind Sky|
| Kingdom's Oathkeeper chapter 3 . 8/8/2013
SO FREKING ADORABLE?! PLEAS YOU HAVE TI UPDATE! PLEAS PLEAS PLEAS!
| Kingdom's Oathkeeper chapter 2 . 8/8/2013
Good Jon! I love this!
| Kingdom's Oathkeeper chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
| 786 chapter 3 . 8/5/2010
hey, good job, are you going to finish it?
| sleepy dreamer 9 chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
Good start! I always liked that epiode when Sereity saves Joey. :)
| Zacharooshuriken chapter 3 . 8/4/2007
plz update i love your story
| All Apologies chapter 3 . 6/27/2007
Great so far. Keep it up!
| Snow Mouse chapter 3 . 12/16/2005
eek... i cant even get the courage to walk on glass! its so creepy! and now, Shizuka has ta walk on somethin clearer then glass? thats plain creepy...
| Essenity chapter 3 . 9/27/2005
Yayness, lol, sorry, update when you can.
| SetsunaKou chapter 2 . 9/14/2005
Excellent writing, with an in story plot! Lovely! You don't usually se stories set during the series and it was real treat to read! Wonderful job! I look forward to reading your next chapter and more Seto x Shizuka stories by you! Excellent work! God bless!
| Walis chapter 3 . 8/27/2005
Loverly, loverly. One comment, though. "Jonouchi" is her brother's last name. His first name is "Katsuya," although his friends rarely call him that. Serenity most likely would, however, for obvious reasons. Awesome job, and I hope to see this updated soon!
| Gekkou Hana chapter 3 . 7/28/2005
very nice.. I'm interested.. please update soon? .. please?
| sweet-red-rose chapter 3 . 7/26/2005
great story! I'm liking this so far. You have seemed to catch both characters' personalties really well. Update soon please!
| PrincessChaos chapter 3 . 7/16/2005
This is beautiful. Although there are slight misuse of grammar, it is okay. That can be simply fixed. Peacewish pointed them out. But the way you portrayed the characters are magnificent. You hit them dead on, which is a bit difficult for most people to do: Me being myself one for the most part.
Please do continue and hopefully, you shall update sooner than last time. This fic is a wonderful add on to Silentshipping. It is rare these days to find a well written Silentshipping fic. I do hope you continue.
Please update soon, I shall be waiting, although not patiently.
| Peacewish chapter 3 . 7/15/2005
Well, at long last. And I thought for certain that you'd abandoned the project, which was a shame because I quite enjoyed your narrative style. The SxS shipperdom could do well with a better balance on Kaiba's thoughts, and this story provides that. I liked the chapter but I have a number of reservations, which I will express here because I have eager expectations regarding the fic and don't want anything mucked up by small and trivial errors. The breakdown:
L.e.d. - should only the first letter be capitalized? It's common in acronyms that it's all or none.
kaiba corp. blimp - Kaiba should be capitalized.
separated to two legendary - 'the' two legendary cards
I am not an expert on the Japanese names. But I'm fairly certain Katsuya is the last name, Jonouchi the first, and that means Shizuka would refer to him by the latter - if not Onii-chan or Onii-san.
I don't think you meant the sharp beading of water on a surface between unequal temperatures. Is 'sharp condescension' what you meant?
No, I just feel asleep - fell asleep.
... your room?" She asked - she is not capitalized.
It is not technically wrong to present Kaiba's thoughts in single quote format, but you hadn't done it before now in the story and it was rather distracting. I suspect it would be smoother to stick to the indirect style you've employed all along.
When you present Kaiba's musing on their opposite personalities, it sounds rather like he knows they were raised separately. But I don't see how he could know that, unless he came across that information in some episode I haven't seen.
compliment each other - 'complement' each other
each approach had it's place - its place
"Hurry up," - scratch the comma, you're treating the dialogue like a single word instead of the traditional 'he said' style.
The ceiling was low - use semi-colon and not colon.
The transition to Shizuka's pov is rather abrupt and unexpected, particularly since it hasn't happened once in the story so far. A small - - - break might be in order.
stalk still - stock still
Nobody points their face. Try 'turned downward to the floor'.
seemed almost delicate - colon and not semi-colon. You're describing the city, not separating two independent clauses.
hesitance - hesitation
a compass rose doesn't really point, it's a picture. 'compass needle' might be more accurate.
...slightly mocking, "If - substitute period for comma
...Jonouchi," The girl - 'the' is not capitalized
Japan is on the metric system. I hate it myself, but our character would not be thinking in terms of 'foot apart'
In language, one does not 'make' a reaction. 'Show' might be better.
Eh, well. That enough nitpicking for you? In the spirit of Kaiba, I pull no punches because I am challenging you to do better. I wouldn't bother if the story was no good - you can count on one hand the number of SxS stories I've reviewed. This fic has promise, and its style begs for a very sharp and clear use of language. Kaiba is meticulous, and your word usage should reflect that. 'Expire' is a good example of appropriate word choice.
As for the plot, I wish I'd seen the blimp episodes so I could better appreciate what's going on - but I'll live. So far I'm intrigued, and very eager to find out what happens. You've accomplished the rare feat of keeping me interested as long as chapter three, so please don't give up now. I anxiously await an update.