Reviews for Neurotic
Guest chapter 53 . 6/23
Why would Paul pretend that they could become the Power of Three when Chris is dying? It's a stupid time to joke. His "brother" is dying and he does something like that? Completely unrealistic... especially since Paul had seemed to be so worried about Chris.
Guest chapter 47 . 6/23
It is really not a good idea to make your reader so confused by something in the plot that they literally stop reading to try to work it out. How can Yenene be Jenny Gordon, Dan's niece? Yenene has said that she is thousands of years old, but Jenny is obviously not nearly that old. Perhaps it will be explained, but something that just makes absolutely no sense like that does not help your story. It really impedes it and completely takes the reader out of the story.

There is a lot about your story that just does not add up. Paul being Paige's child (why would Paige just give him up? The reason you gave was not a logical explanation in the slightest - unless there is a different explanation that will make much more sense, but I just can't see it).

I think you've messed up your own timeline, as well. There are times that you've written that the baby is due in three weeks, but then three weeks pass and the baby is now due in one week. I'm pretty sure I didn't misread anything (perhaps I did, but I really don't think so). You've also got so much going on. The Witch Wars plot was never resolved. Is it going to be? But then again because of Wyatt's memory spell, three weeks have passed since the Charmed Ones started "looking" into it. Also, Paige and Dan were stuck in the book for three weeks? I was having an extremely difficult time with the idea that Cole and Paul had been trying to get them out for a couple days (as opposed to hours) but then it turns out that Paige and Dan are in the book for three weeks; I definitely can't see that one.

Lastly, baby Wyatt would have definitely been showing signs of homesickness if he'd been away from his mother and father for that long. I understand that Phoebe is there, but an Aunt is not the same as a mother, and at his age (he would be about a year old) he would definitely be crying and ornery.
Guest chapter 31 . 6/22
The thing will Paul makes absolutely no sense. Paul is ceasing to exist because Paige and Dan haven't conceived him yet (and boy, was that fast; they only met a couple of days ago). Piper can't have miscarried when Paige was pregnant with Paul because Piper is pregnant with Chris and clearly she didn't miscarry him. That part of the timeline would not change no matter what anyone from the future did. For Paul to be Paul, Paige would have to become pregnant with him the same time she did in the original timeline. And it obviously is not when Piper is three weeks away from giving birth to Chris.

And I really don't understand why Paige would have Piper raise Paul as her own child just because Piper had a miscarriage around the same time Paige gave birth. What kind of mother would do that? Paige was distraught. Over what? That Piper had a miscarriage? That still doesn't explain why Paige would just give her child to her sister to raise. What kind of mother (who I'm assuming wanted her child) would do that? Especially considering Paige would be around to witness this. She wasn't upset that she just gave up her child? No one noticed that Paige seemed upset? Not Phoebe? Not Leo? No one? What happened to Dan? Did he just decide to let her give their child away? He didn't want Paul either?

Also, if Paul is a whitelighter now, how did he get Excalibur away from Wyatt. It wasn't stated but it seemed like it was telekinesis; I don't think Paul would have his witch powers if he was a full whitelighter.
shiho59 chapter 29 . 12/19/2016
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 37 . 5/18/2016
I also have to admit that the timing and explanation of Paul existence is off. if Paige is pregnant now, but Chris is only weeks from being born, that means Piper and Paige couldn't have been pregnant at the same time unless piper is about to literally pop out Chris and then get pregnant again which I doubt because of the whole Elder thing. I dont see Paige just giving her sister her child either but I haven't finished the story so maybe there's an explanation for that later. I just have to stop here because the incest between Melinda and Paul even just being hinted at here is gross and disgusting to me and I won't read that kind of thing. As I said though I'd suggest you add a tag saying incest or a warning of some kind. before this and the whole Paige/ Dan thing (which isn't disgusting but just something that if I Knew it was in this book I wouldn't have read it) the story was going great so for that much of the story I say good job. For the rest however, I just can't read.
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 37 . 5/18/2016
wait Paul and Melinda were...together together? That's incest and just gross as heck. No offense but you could have out Paige/Dan relationship and incest as tags or something if that's what's really going on here. I've really been enjoying this story but not enough to read that kind of stuff and it honestly feels wrong of you to not even warn readers of their potential (if that's the way you're really going with it)
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 35 . 5/18/2016
oh Paige is just wrong for having a child by her sisters ex
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 25 . 5/18/2016
oh gross, do Paige and Dan get together in this AU?
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 21 . 5/18/2016
"how did you know about the toaster anyway" hahahaha
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 17 . 5/18/2016
Wyatt is scaring me and I absolutely loooooove it
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 14 . 5/18/2016
Everything Freud believed had something to do with sex, I don't take him very seriously although I do admit to a certain admiration for his psychodynamic theory of the interconnection of the id, ego, and superego
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 10 . 5/18/2016
lol Wyatt outlaws farting?! I can't deal!
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 10 . 5/18/2016
Haha that was hilarious when Chris was all "then why put my name on the list for ME to investigate" lol Piper just is beyond saving here
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 7 . 5/18/2016
If I was Chris I'd have freaked when Leo said "that little thing there" lol
PaulW.VinD.BradP.NickC.ChrisH chapter 5 . 5/18/2016
I liked the story after Chris' joke about Leo telling his mom not to push. You owned me at TARDIS. #100%Whovian
1,538 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »