|Reviews for Neurotic|
| YeTianshi chapter 54 . 1/22/2019
I honestly don't think I could take it... Death sounds better. To have the person you loved and wanted to marry die in front of you, and then see them fall in love with your past self all over again... Jesus, that's a personal type of hell right there.
| YeTianshi chapter 34 . 1/22/2019
I expected Chris to be sour about that for a LONG time... I mean I sure as hell wouldn't forgive my parents if they had me committed to an asylum no matter how much they believed I was crazy.
| YeTianshi chapter 29 . 1/22/2019
Holy shit, game of thrones much?
| YeTianshi chapter 27 . 1/22/2019
That's sweet. Btw, it just occurred to me, but if Piper and the rest know Paul is their son, and considering he hasn't even been BORN yet, what would be the harm of Chris telling them? At this point I'm guessing it's his own insecurities and fears that hold that back rather than future consequences.
| Guest chapter 52 . 8/10/2018
This is where the story always loses me...Paul existing only to save Chris from turning. It's an inventive & interesting plot, but there's always a chance an OC will go Mary Sue or Gary Stu on us.
| Guest chapter 53 . 6/23/2017
Why would Paul pretend that they could become the Power of Three when Chris is dying? It's a stupid time to joke. His "brother" is dying and he does something like that? Completely unrealistic... especially since Paul had seemed to be so worried about Chris.
| Guest chapter 47 . 6/23/2017
It is really not a good idea to make your reader so confused by something in the plot that they literally stop reading to try to work it out. How can Yenene be Jenny Gordon, Dan's niece? Yenene has said that she is thousands of years old, but Jenny is obviously not nearly that old. Perhaps it will be explained, but something that just makes absolutely no sense like that does not help your story. It really impedes it and completely takes the reader out of the story.
There is a lot about your story that just does not add up. Paul being Paige's child (why would Paige just give him up? The reason you gave was not a logical explanation in the slightest - unless there is a different explanation that will make much more sense, but I just can't see it).
I think you've messed up your own timeline, as well. There are times that you've written that the baby is due in three weeks, but then three weeks pass and the baby is now due in one week. I'm pretty sure I didn't misread anything (perhaps I did, but I really don't think so). You've also got so much going on. The Witch Wars plot was never resolved. Is it going to be? But then again because of Wyatt's memory spell, three weeks have passed since the Charmed Ones started "looking" into it. Also, Paige and Dan were stuck in the book for three weeks? I was having an extremely difficult time with the idea that Cole and Paul had been trying to get them out for a couple days (as opposed to hours) but then it turns out that Paige and Dan are in the book for three weeks; I definitely can't see that one.
Lastly, baby Wyatt would have definitely been showing signs of homesickness if he'd been away from his mother and father for that long. I understand that Phoebe is there, but an Aunt is not the same as a mother, and at his age (he would be about a year old) he would definitely be crying and ornery.
| Guest chapter 31 . 6/22/2017
The thing will Paul makes absolutely no sense. Paul is ceasing to exist because Paige and Dan haven't conceived him yet (and boy, was that fast; they only met a couple of days ago). Piper can't have miscarried when Paige was pregnant with Paul because Piper is pregnant with Chris and clearly she didn't miscarry him. That part of the timeline would not change no matter what anyone from the future did. For Paul to be Paul, Paige would have to become pregnant with him the same time she did in the original timeline. And it obviously is not when Piper is three weeks away from giving birth to Chris.
And I really don't understand why Paige would have Piper raise Paul as her own child just because Piper had a miscarriage around the same time Paige gave birth. What kind of mother would do that? Paige was distraught. Over what? That Piper had a miscarriage? That still doesn't explain why Paige would just give her child to her sister to raise. What kind of mother (who I'm assuming wanted her child) would do that? Especially considering Paige would be around to witness this. She wasn't upset that she just gave up her child? No one noticed that Paige seemed upset? Not Phoebe? Not Leo? No one? What happened to Dan? Did he just decide to let her give their child away? He didn't want Paul either?
Also, if Paul is a whitelighter now, how did he get Excalibur away from Wyatt. It wasn't stated but it seemed like it was telekinesis; I don't think Paul would have his witch powers if he was a full whitelighter.
| shiho59 chapter 29 . 12/19/2016
| IAmCayj chapter 37 . 5/18/2016
I also have to admit that the timing and explanation of Paul existence is off. if Paige is pregnant now, but Chris is only weeks from being born, that means Piper and Paige couldn't have been pregnant at the same time unless piper is about to literally pop out Chris and then get pregnant again which I doubt because of the whole Elder thing. I dont see Paige just giving her sister her child either but I haven't finished the story so maybe there's an explanation for that later. I just have to stop here because the incest between Melinda and Paul even just being hinted at here is gross and disgusting to me and I won't read that kind of thing. As I said though I'd suggest you add a tag saying incest or a warning of some kind. before this and the whole Paige/ Dan thing (which isn't disgusting but just something that if I Knew it was in this book I wouldn't have read it) the story was going great so for that much of the story I say good job. For the rest however, I just can't read.
| IAmCayj chapter 37 . 5/18/2016
wait Paul and Melinda were...together together? That's incest and just gross as heck. No offense but you could have out Paige/Dan relationship and incest as tags or something if that's what's really going on here. I've really been enjoying this story but not enough to read that kind of stuff and it honestly feels wrong of you to not even warn readers of their potential (if that's the way you're really going with it)
| IAmCayj chapter 35 . 5/18/2016
oh Paige is just wrong for having a child by her sisters ex
| IAmCayj chapter 25 . 5/18/2016
oh gross, do Paige and Dan get together in this AU?
| IAmCayj chapter 21 . 5/18/2016
"how did you know about the toaster anyway" hahahaha
| IAmCayj chapter 17 . 5/18/2016
Wyatt is scaring me and I absolutely loooooove it