|Reviews for The up's of veritaserum|
| FlamersInc chapter 1 . 10/27/2005
Flamers Inc. - General Quinxhuan
Mission 03: The Ups of Veritaserum.
I’ve read this story a hundred times–and this is the first time I’ve looked at “The Ups of Veritaserum.” The unoriginality of this story is overwhelming. All of the “clever” remarks and “witty” sentences have been trademarked by dozens of fanfictions before it. The one thing different in those stories, however, is even if part of the plot had been used before, there was still some identifying mark, some sort of milestone (no matter how small) that gave the story its own identity. I’ve read several of your stories and this seems to be a common denominator. First point of advice: pick your own brain and not those of your fellow writers. Your stories will become infinitely more enjoyable once you start dwelling from your own realm of creativity. This will also help to distinguish yourself as a writer, if that is indeed what you wish to do.
It is a well established fact that a wonderful plot can be soured by the indecency of poor spelling and grammar. This seems to be an incredibly difficult area for you. In certain sections, the reading was so confusing that I had to read it again in order to understand what was being said. Also, there are some places where the misspellings completely change the meaning of what I’m sure was your intended sentence. For a writer, mistakes like this are unacceptable. When you even butcher the title of your work, it’s going to be extremely difficult to be taken seriously. Second point of advice: Find an intelligent beta, one who knows their way around these problem areas rather well, and follow their advice. (Remember, a good beta will be honest with you and tell you when you have mistakes.)
Some parts of this story are just too ridiculous to properly describe with words. A facial expression would best explain what I’d like to say, but unfortunately, that’s not an option. It is fairly obvious towards the middle of this fanfiction that you want to write erotica. Snape’s thoughts are completely out of character, but if that’s what you were aiming for, fine. Out-of-character-Snape it is. However, there is no real building up of the story at all. There is no background, nor is much more than a pathetic glimpse at their current ways of life. Also, the perverted remarks suddenly appear out of left field and, in all honesty, they really don’t work no matter how you write them. Erotic fanfiction are hardly ever worth the time of day. They’re usually tacky, unpolished, and laughable to say the least. Unless you’re pursuing a career as a writer of erotica, I suggest you stay away from it. Third point of advice: Resist the hormones. Always make sure the story is well developed, even if it is erotica.
Quinxhuan's Rating: 1/10
Next Mission: ?
| Jadzia chapter 1 . 10/19/2005
I like the story, it's interesting and I always like a needy Snape - lol. The grammar and spelling need a touch of polishing; the errors detract from the story.
| Forgetfulness Potion chapter 1 . 3/19/2005
Eh, it was cute. better than a lot of your stories that you have up. Kudos to ya!
| Super-girl-straight-from-hell chapter 1 . 3/7/2005
i like it alot
| Jack Milo chapter 1 . 3/3/2005
y cant severus like a female for once, like hermoine or ron's sister, whatsherface. he even minerva or beatrix or siruis's sister. did ya ahve to make it a harry thing. Well written anyways.
| willowtree16 chapter 1 . 2/26/2005
that was a great chapter.
| TheSpaz chapter 1 . 1/27/2005
I'm impressed! This is much better constructed than your other works! Looking forward to your next story!
| Eveningshade chapter 1 . 1/24/2005
It has great potential. I'm sensing English isn't your first language, am I right? It needs to be beta'd, other than that I think it's great.