|Reviews for A Dream That Will Tell a Fate|
| Sparkling Slayer chapter 1 . 2/5/2002
I have to agree with Spirit's review. Before you submit any fiction where it can be openly reviewed, you need to check it and check it again. Spelling, grammar, punctuation. Does your dialogue work? Do the characters actually talk that way? Do they act the way you portray them? Sorry, but yours don't - you need to either watch the programme a lot more and in more depth or you need to take a break and start again. Fair enough, your fic is yours to play with but at least try to follow the characterisations that are there for you on the show! :o)
Get someone to read your fics before you submit them, even if it's your Mum, a teacher, a colleague, whoever. At least they can spell check it for you and point out anything that doesn't "gel"!
And no, this isn't a flame review so don't be offended. Not everyone will like your fic, and you should take constructive critisicm and use it to improve your writing.
| spirit6 chapter 1 . 6/25/2001
Actually, you have a reasonable point there - we do see characters the way we want to see them, and that's fine - I have no quibble with that. What I do have an issue with is that your Riley behaved like a pod person - there's no emotion, nothing behind his actions, just a grr, me want Buffy, Buffy not want me, Me very sad.
I'm not entirely sure what fanfic's supposed to be here for. Personally I use it to play with ideas and subtext in the series. For example, in Boundaries, you've stated that I don't use the character's personalites - hello, are we watching the same show, where Angel and Wesley have a relationship that [was] based on trust and loyalty. And that Wesley was capable of being far more of a positive character when he wasn't under Angel's notice. You do remember his actions in 'The Ring', and more recently, the latter half of the Darla arc?
All the relationships in BTVS and AtS are up for grabs because Joss and co are insistent on allowing the audience a good deal of room to play with them. It's why Cordelia/Angel shippers exist, or Xander/Buffy or even, yes, Angel/Wesley. Now the story you're referring to is what might be referred to as preslash, or just a hint of something moe than friendship between them. And you know what, there's no point in the canon that you can say this didn't happen. Why? Because of the visible subtext. Wesley disconcerts Angel, Wesley trusts Angel. They have far too many camp lines between them to presuppose a lack of relationship.
And yes, you're perfectly reasonable in not seeing that.
But you need to justify it.
You can't just sit there and write fiction that has bad lines in it and expect people to read it and think it's good. Which is what you're expecting if you put it on the web. If you keep it to yourself, that's fine, that means you're not asking anyone to judge it. As soon as you put it in a place where people are asked to leave 'reviews' [note that, reviews, not feedback] people are entitled to state what they think of your story as a guide for other people who might read it. I didn't flame you, as you seem to infer, I offered constructive criticism - listen to speech patterns, check your grammar, find a beta reader. Whatever your story is about, you need to do these basic things before you have any hope of gaining decent reviews. However you may feel about any of my fics at , you ought to see that I've at least tried to keep everyone in character, even if I happen to see that character as gay, or darker, or much more erotic than they are allowed to be onscreen. There's a differene between spending a fic reasoning out a character's attraction for another which isn't quite what you'd expect and your blatant, "Oh I'm not GAY!" line. One works on a reasoned premise, the other is simply stated to fit in with your story and perhaps, your beliefs.
So make your fics end any way you want. That really is up to you. But don't start telling me that I can't review your fic the way it appears to me, or to any other critic, because honey, that's the reason you have fic posted at . I get good reviews, I get bad reviews, but I know that each time I write, it's because I have an idea worth exploring, not a one shot note where I ignore everything that happened in canon.
PS - I don't know how old you are, but if you're over eighteen, may I suggest Addictive Stigmata, Eterniata [ero d], Heaven in Hell or even my own site, Guns and Banjos as good starting places to read adult, [read, not porn] fiction that frequently deal with Buffy and Angel as a couple, and separates. Who knows, you may even like it. If however you're under eighteen, either this whole rant will make more sense to you when you grow up, or you can learn to roll with the punches and accept that your work isn't good enough yet to get good reviews.
| spirit6 chapter 4 . 6/25/2001
Oh for goodness SAKE!
Okay, to begin, you REALLY need to learn to pick a tense and stick to it. Then you might want to get a beta reader who can pick up on your numerous spelling errors. You do have a tendency to use homonyms [similar sounding words] when you really shouldn't. It really detracts from your story, which, while I didn't like it, wasn't anything harmful.
Now I understand you're a B/A shipper and that's fine. It doesn't appeal to me anymore - what with the canon moving on and all, but it's fine. However, you do realise that Buffy and Riley weren't just something that happened over night and that between them, they did have some loving going on? Riley wasn't jut what Buffy did to pass the time until Angel shanshued, he was the guy with whom she wanted it to work. Yes, they failed at that, but you have a major tendency here to write that relationship off as nothing. And that's just not believable.
Added to that, you have Willow stating that she's not a lesbian. Newsflash sweetie, the girl is currently exploring her sexuality and is as in love with Tara as she ever was with Oz...perhaps more so. Stating that she's not a lesbian and then failing to clarify it looks like laziness on your part, not to mention homophobic.
Finally, if you're going to write these characters, you really ought to pay attention to their speech patterns. There's not a single speech in this fic that corresponds to any of the cast. You've simply made pod people and given them Buffy's cast names. Don't do that - instead, try listening closer to the show and picking up on the rythyms when they talk.
Perhaps then, you'll be writing something of note.
| moonprincess97524 chapter 4 . 4/26/2001
love this please continue soon!
| jenjen chapter 4 . 4/23/2001
omg that was sooooo good u have to finish it awwwwwwwww
| Rue chapter 1 . 4/18/2001
Awesome I loved it!
| Selsha chapter 3 . 4/17/2001
you HAVE to continue this!
| moonprincess97524 chapter 2 . 3/25/2001
oh manwhat a magor cliffhanger! grrr I want more!
| Rue chapter 1 . 3/20/2001
Hey awesome story! I loved it. Sorry the review is sooo short. I'm kinda in school right now, hee hee. Giving us 5 periods for one exhibit! Man what the hell am I supposed to do? Oh I think the librarian caught me. Oops!
| Sassy chapter 2 . 3/13/2001
is it oz? it better be oz. i love oz. oh yah, good story, write more, blah blah blah. it better be oz!
| Red2 chapter 1 . 3/8/2001
This is a good story and you should continue it because it has potential. You should try to make some of the dialogue seem less forced and also check your spelling, grammar etc. But definately continue because I like the sound of this!
| Anya chapter 1 . 3/7/2001
Very nice C...erm, Slayer. I got a wittle confused (since I'm rather dense sometimes), but then I got it. I like it lots; write more soon!