|Reviews for The revolution of the forgotten race|
| Triggerhappy 123 chapter 1 . 3/3/2005
Ok, something might happen to that grunt, maybe later on in the story.
| Charu chapter 6 . 3/2/2005
Very detailed and discriptive chapter. I like everything except for that part where you focused on the Grunt before Jecht arrived there. I don't know why, but it just seems like it was out of place and really had no reason for being there. And the reason why you named it is quite a mystery, are you going to use that character at all? Because it really seem like you aren't. Ok, enough about that, the end of the chapter was really good, could be more discriptive like for example when you said about the part where two Elites came running at Jecht with Energy Swords, and then Jecht cut one's head off and another one almost in half. You could of said:
"As two Elites came running at Jecht, with there Energy Swords out glowing a light blue color that seemed to glimmer off there amour. One Elite took a slash at Jecht, it missed him by a hair of an inch. Jecht then returned the favor of a counter-attack, which cutted the poor Elite's head off its shoulders. As purple blood splurted out on the floor, the second Elite, hungry for revenge for his fallen comrad, lunged at Jecht. Jecht barely dodged it and counter-attacked by him doing an uppercut at the back of the Elite. Jecht knew he hit his target when he heard the familiar slash noise. The Elite went down nearly almost cut in half, spilling its own purple blood on the ground next to his other dead comrad."
You didn't have to do that, but that is more what my taste would be like for fight scenes. Also at the very end, I thought that that part could be more detailed. I still love this story though, good originalality.
| imsh chapter 6 . 3/2/2005
great place to stop the story. i think their should be a thought controlled stealth generator.
still its always great to read the next chapter.
| Charu chapter 5 . 2/24/2005
This chapter for some reason seems to be much shorter than the previous ones, also I felt that their wasn't that much details going on like some other chapters. This chapter seems like it was rushed too. But that's just me, I still like the story.
| imsh chapter 5 . 2/16/2005
i liked this chapter. cant wait to see how the armor is. keep writing
| Oni-Kaiser chapter 5 . 2/16/2005
good story.. but you first named him the bronze knight. then changed it to the amber knight.. jsut thought you'd like to know...
| ApolloIV chapter 1 . 2/15/2005
This is okay. By the way the last chapter to YVG is out and I have a new story called Second Gear in third Rotation and it may be the best story I have ever written. But this is not a publicity board so I will leave at that.
| Triggerhappy123 chapter 4 . 2/11/2005
lol i never even thought about star wars when i wrote this...
| Charu chapter 4 . 2/10/2005
And after reading all the chapters till now, I got to reward you for giving me such an interest in your story. Though, something is lacking in the story... I'm not sure what, I just feel like something is missing in the story. Well anyways, I'll point out some parts where I thought that were unoriginal and not creative at all. One big part that stood out a lot was in chapter 3 where Jecht was talking with the Gold Armored Elite. When he said
“And do you know who that amber warrior and his slayer was? It was me, and the warrior was your father.”.
The first thing that popped into my head after reading that part was a movie I once saw that said almost the same thing, but hey, I'm just pointing out where I think it is unoriginal and not creative.
The other chapters though were creative and original, so don't be let down that I said only that part was unoriginal, be happy because the rating I'm this story now is a 4/5, (an above average fanfiction writer)
| Yomiko the hellbunny slayer chapter 4 . 2/10/2005
O.o Update son...
| Ryu Isaac chapter 4 . 2/9/2005
This stry is really good, I'm impressed. but I'm beginning to think that you hate discaimers.*evil grin*
| Yomiko the hellbunny slayer chapter 3 . 2/8/2005
| imsh chapter 3 . 2/8/2005
great idea for a story. love it and cant wait for the next chapter. ROCK ON!
| Inquisitor arnolis chapter 3 . 2/8/2005
wow chaps 2 and 3 are great, just revise the work sometimes, it can be a little confusing at points, otherwise it is a great story
| Dcastro chapter 2 . 2/6/2005
Hey love it... just wanted to say that... get the next chapter up... plz )