|Reviews for The Dogfather|
| Guest chapter 5 . 4/19
uh oh... Well for peter ;)
| Yesterday's Secrets chapter 35 . 3/5
The story's okay, I guess. I didn't particularly like the flow of the story. Some occurrences were half-assed and had contradicted logic. For example, I couldn't quite imagine Sirius not being able to barely last Azkaban for a couple of weeks when he had spent over ten years there previously. Another is when the jury's verdict is not on the favor of Harry's. Was it not illegal to have the accused drink a dose of Veritaserum? This would highly increase the credibility of Sirius, and would save him (and Harry alike) humiliation and embarrassment. But in the case that the potion was not allowed in the jurisdiction, why was Harry given a dose against his will?
There are also quite a handful of grammatical mistakes that hadn't escaped my notice. I couldn't help but be irritated with your misuse of 'piers'. You'd often confused this term with 'peers'. But I'm guessing you've already realized this error because you'd finally corrected the use of 'peers' by the latter chapters.
What annoyed my eyes more were the pesky author's notes (or comments rather) that you seemed so fond of putting everywhere you liked. They just ruined the story, to be honest.
Harry's a bit... off. He's a bully himself, I believe. His character and actions made me feel as if he deserved every problem strung his way. I mean really, the things he and the other pranksters kept on doing to Snape was not justifiable.
To be fair though, your creative disclaimers had kept me entertained. :)
Keep on writing!
| TheLittleRoguex chapter 1 . 2/1
With the amount of reviews I know this is gonna be awesome so I can't wait to read the rest of it.
| Haut Banane chapter 35 . 11/13/2012
This story is just so cool. I have literally just spent about 1 hour reading it. I read some other reviews but to be honest I didn't notice any of the (bad) things they mentioned. S'pose that's good :D So yes, please update soon, although it has been a bit longer that 6 months :P try 4 years 10 months XD
| Proper the Incredible chapter 35 . 2/11/2012
great chap plz update soon
| Shannon the Original chapter 35 . 12/16/2011
| valedicere chapter 4 . 10/31/2011
Cannot stand author's notes in the middle of the freaking text. Storyruined.
| beulah2013 chapter 35 . 8/5/2011
Hope you update soon!
| DragonOverlord chapter 27 . 7/14/2011
I must say, you have a good concept for a story, however there are a couple key points in which I am no longer able to read it.
First: The thing that caused me to stop reading it.
Pier and Peer are two separate things. A pier is generally a series of wooden planks suspended over water in which boats can dock to it to gain access to land.
Peer would be someone who is on the same level/relationship/status as you. IE My coworker is my peer, and he docks his boat at the pier.
Now, you may not think this is such a big deal, but it was a grave annoyance given how often you use the word. Honestly. Did you get it in a word of the day calendar and resolve to use it as often as possible? Try a little variation.
He didn't want to see the -masses/crowds- of the great hall.
He passed by other -students-.
There was a group of -kids-
You don't even have to specify most of the time;
Harry heard his stomach gurgle, but afraid of all the pitying looks he would get in the great hall, he resolved to grab something from the kitchens later instead.
The only other point, more of an aside really, would be the storyline.
You take a character who has a well known background at the Dursleys, and then throw him in with his new adoptive family, where he then drops all contact. You give no background, such as even his last name! If the orphanage didn't know he was potter, then all growing up he would have gone by his adoptive last name. He also wouldn't be likely to switch to potter so easily, as most children have their name drilled into their heads incase they get lost or taken. Also, what does his parents do for a living? Did he go to primary? You skipped over a lot of things. I know it can be hard to find the right balance of too much vs. too little details, and you have been getting better in recent chapters, but I would highly recommend going back over the first chapters and editing them, filling them out a little more. Plus you need to go back and fix the pier peer mistakes, honestly, ctrlf to find then, and a lot of the time you can just replace using the find feature. It'll take you five minutes. But it is almost once a chapter, so I would also try using alternate words as well.
| Draeconin chapter 7 . 1/10/2011
What happened to oddment?
| Draeconin chapter 6 . 1/10/2011
Changed up the time-line, eh? Interesting.
| Draeconin chapter 5 . 1/10/2011
Pretty good, until you got to Hermione and Ron. That bit was a little contrived. With Harry's wand in his pocket, there was no reason for her to assume he was doing magic, and Ron should have been able to find a spot elsewhere, with all the time he had. Considering the fact that it's a magical train, there should have been more than enough compartments, anyway.
| RebeccaRoy chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
| Kaito Hatake Uchiha chapter 3 . 6/18/2010
This very good
Seishiro hungry want to eat
| AvidReaderBz chapter 35 . 2/20/2010
its a good story, plan on finishing it? :) bz x