|Reviews for Rivals|
| Ash the Phantom chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
This is a very well written FanFic. Your attention to detail is superb, and your attention to lore is groundbreaking. There is not many Phantom Brave fanfics out there, but this is one of the best. Thank you.
| Martin III chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
This is certainly a favorable opening fic for the Phantom Brave section. The story makes a great little follow-up to the game, showing a satisfying glimpse of the Fighting Beasts' future adventures while maintaining the game's spirit of depression turning to hope turning to triumph.
With the notable exception that I'm quite certain that Rafael would never, under any circumstances, in any company, use such a grammatical eyesore as "Whatever," all the characters are portrayed with a loyalty that makes this a true pleasure for a fan to read. I was never particularly enthused about Drab, but your handling of the prideful Raven makes him a good POV character. His rivalry with Rafael is given enough edge to make it convincing while still getting across the point of the story. I got a kick out of their exchange about "Mega Crocus".
The banter between Marona and Ash is on the predictable side, but still enjoyable. Sienna and Count Malt are also excellently done, and the bit of characterization for them in the closing paragraph makes a solid ending.
You have two typos in this passage: "The Amazons" Drab banged him fist down..." Obviously, punctuation is missing from the dialogue, and you wrote "him" where it should be "his".
Always fun to read a fanfic continuation of the game which handles the source material as loyally as this. Excellent work, and thanks for sharing it.
| shelwyn chapter 1 . 9/26/2007
wow that was intresting nice chapter but the ending was kinda uu...
| Rayless Night chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
Interesting. It's a good way to show all of the characters' personalities in a contained setting. I think you did a very good job on all of them.
I had some difficulty with the story's flow -it's a slow start, then you get the jump of Drab finding Raphael. And then the tension fades again until Drab shows up at Sienna's. Of course, I see why it's supposed to, but I think that should be kept at a minimum in a short story like this. But the flow of the dialogue is great, being both natural but not dragging. Your attention to detail also does a good job of anchoring the story, and I love the humor. I hope you do more PB stuff.
| Maronakins chapter 1 . 12/7/2005
great fanfic!I love the way ash was about marona's
| Angelus-alvus chapter 1 . 12/7/2005
Please update soon. It is very good see Phantom Brave fics.
| The Useless Sempai chapter 1 . 9/4/2005
OMG! Today's my lucky day! I just notice an Arc the Lad section. I love Shu and read your fic. Just when I check your profile, I found this baby. Phantom Brave is one of my fav game!
Oh please write more~!
| Sacrificial hero chapter 1 . 7/13/2005
Just as the others said, it's nice to see some Phantom Brave fanfiction, and with two of my favorite characters in the spotlight nonetheless.
As far as the writing itself goes; the dialogue was strong, and you hid the true feelings of the characters very well. Ash and marona played off one another the same way they do in the game. Scarlet and Malt were perfect. All in all, I didn't ahve many, if any, problems with the piece. It's well written, and I'm too lazy to once over it for grammar, but it appears to be correct.
Kudos on a wonderful piece.
| Bella chapter 1 . 4/5/2005
I was so happy to see this! It's so hard to find PB fiction...and I really enjoyed your writing style. Everyone was perfectly in character, and I would love to see this continued.
| Lika chapter 1 . 2/25/2005
I apologize, I do not have an account on but your story is very nice. I really enjoyed it, its so rare seeing Phantom Brave fanfiction. I'm surprised you took the point of view of Drab, it is quite refreshing and wonderful I think. I hope you keep up the good work and hopefully we can see more some day. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that go unnoticed.