|Reviews for Feelings gone unnoticed|
| Aylin S chapter 1 . 2/25/2012
seems interesting! looking forward to read the rest
| Susan M. M chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
The premise is promising, but the grammar would have to work hard to make it up to atrocious. Punctuation would be nice. And why do you switch from past tense to present? It's disconcerting.
One of my best purchases at the Salvation Army's thrift store was an old 6th grade grammar book. Only fifty cents, but very useful. (Unfortunately, formal instruction in grammar goes in and out of style at our public schools. I learned the difference between well & good from Albert correcting Robin's grammar, not from my teachers.) Any library will have Strunk & White's Elements of Style. So will most bookstores.
Why is Cross asking them to look up what he already knows? Why doesn't he just brief them? And why is he calling them at home instead of calling them into the office to give them their marching orders in person, as he usually does?
The characterization isn't bad. With a little work, this could be improved. The talent the story shows - and the ideas do show talent - are unfortunately hidden by the writing style. Do you have a beta-reader?
| Zucht chapter 1 . 10/10/2006
Seems like the start of an intersting story, please feed my imagination some more.
ps punctuation is over rates
don't trust me
trust ee cummings
| Michael2 chapter 1 . 3/4/2006
Try adding punctuation to your story.