|Reviews for A Daughters Return|
| jade732 chapter 1 . 1/24/2008
this is really good
| Prophet-Song chapter 2 . 3/23/2005
That's all right.
I don't mind second-daughter fics, as long as they're well written. Good luck rewriting this!
| Hope and love chapter 1 . 3/21/2005
I LOVE IT!
| Mystic Vixen chapter 1 . 3/17/2005
Great chapter! I'm not that much into LoTR but I like this story. I noticed that on your summory you said you changed the main character becuase of flammers? In my opinion I don't think you should have changed it. If you want something one way and a flammer says you should have it another way that you don't like, don't change it. I've had problems with flammers before. you cna look at my reviews for a few of my X-men stories. Any way thanks for reading my story, and reviewing it. I alos like that I made it on to you Fav. Authors list. :)
See ya around
P.s. you should write a POTC Story
| Prophet-Song chapter 1 . 3/4/2005
Hello, me again.
Well it's an improvement, just one thing. How can Aleiria be Elrond's niece (assuming she's an Elf)? His brother Elros chose to be a Man, and his descendants were Kings of Numenor. So by all accounts Aleiria should be a human. Is she an Elf or human?
And if Calvarcias fell five thousand years ago, and she escaped during the very same siege, that would make her around the same age as Elrond, give or take a few centuries. How does the niece thing work then?
I know you put it in as Author Notes that you don't like people telling you how Tolkien did it, and it's Your Story. Thing is, it's your story WITHIN TOLKIEN'S WORLD.
All these things people keep telling you is just so you can know and learn from it. Don't get offended by people taking time to critique your work and offer pointers. This could be a good story, so just hang in there.
| Diolch chapter 1 . 3/4/2005
I'm back yet again. This isn't a flame as i'm not being rude.
Nice that you took notice of my 'Imladris' thing and the 'elves' bit but there is still a lot that can be done.
I'm not gonna give you advice on the actual story because people have already done it and i wasted some time doing it before which i ain't gonna do again.
Instead i'll just respond to the comment at the bottom. (which by the way you should remove, it basically seems as though you're moaning and wanting sympaphy which is likely to cause the opposite)
Start off, to edit you don't have to remove the story there are 2 ways you can do it.
1: import the chapter back to document manager (options will be in edit story). and change it that way.
2: do it in word, upload it, click edit story and go to the replace chapter.
Voila, done, easy.
Lord of the Rings is one of the harder ones to write because everyone has a high expectation of it. I'd read the books before even trying because it is after all in the book section and the movie got a hell of a lot wrong.
It's not a matter of 'it's my story and i'll write it how i want to.' Keep it to yourself if you wanna keep that attitude, this is a public forum so of course you're going to get responses, but not every single one of them is going to be positive. Its best to avoid an oc based story in here because most people don't like them. To be honest there are very little people who want to read about a person's fantasy which has nothing whatsoever to do with lotr except for a few names. Just be mature about it, don't get offended because everyone has something to improve on.
You, as the writer, should be the most critical. I could point out loads of faults in my stories but I refuse to post another chapter until I've got rid of as many faults as is possible, the ones remaining most people don't notice even though i'm never entirely happy with the chapter still and could tell everyone whats wrong with it. If you want positive reviews then you're going to have to ask yourself questions about the story and stop viewing it through rose coloured glasses.
Personally i'd be thankful for all the people who reviewed critically. If you want to write an LotR story then start off with one featuring ONLY the characters in the book and improve your writing this way. This is fanfiction but it doesn't mean you can usurp the story and self-insert yourself. Thats way too much.
Also you have to think that LotR was basically like our Middle-ages were. Women wouldn't be wandering on their own, we're vunerable etc.
Either way good luck, and keep a record of your reviews even if you delete the story yet again.
| InnerYin chapter 1 . 3/3/2005
When you post your fic online, you are allowing the whole world to read it. As a writer be prepared to handle ANY type of review. You should be grateful that people even took the time to read your fic and give you some advise.
1. Yes it's YOUR fic but it's TOLKIEN'S CANON. Your fic is not original and let's face it, the LOTR community has seen this type of fic a billion times. If you're going to use his canon, have the decency to go according to the canon.
2. You did do some spelling corrections. However you still didn't research on any basic info on LOTR.
3. Your OC already sounds Mary - Sueish. Characters should be well rounded and relate to humans, in such a way they are flawed. You do realize that your character is an elf and yet you called her a human. The makes absolute no sense at all being that Elrond married a full blooded elf, Celebrian.
Why not ask yourself these questions:
a. How would the LOTR canon change with your sue added?
b. Why does Legolas have to fall in love with your sue, other than to fulfill your sadistic fantasy?
c. Why do you write? For the passion? For your fantasies of Orlando Bloom? Or for ONLY GOOD reviews?
A writer can't expect to receive good reviews all the time. This is perfectly fine because it makes us all human, we're not perfect. Getting reviews that kiss your posterior without giving any type of USEFUL critique does not help you grow as a writer. According to the Writer's Etiquette (assuming you have read it), it clearly states that reviewers does not have to praise the work. It also states that your writing piece should be spell checked. Get a beta reader. Take this into consideration.
| Seriously Wrong chapter 1 . 3/3/2005
Yes, I see some changes, Imladris instead of 'Rivendale' that's great, elves instead of 'elfs' excellent, but there is still alot here that needs to be fixed.
1. Elven, not Elvin.
2. Legolas is just Legolas, not Legolas Greenleaf, that's like saying Greenleaf Greenleaf. Also, people did not go around stating their pedigrees, ie. Prince of Mirkwood, think about what a dangerous time in which they live. You wouldn't just spout off who you are to someone you just met. This goes for your OC Aleiria as well, in fact as a woman, I would think that she would be trying to disguise that fact as much as possible. A woman traveling alone is very vunerable. The way in which she is acting and described currently makes her fit the bill as a character that will become a Mary-Sue.
3. Are you still making this a cross over with creatures from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? If you are then I would suggest putting that at the beginning of your story right under the disclaimer, it will save you a lot of hassle about certain aspects of the story, such as the creature turning into a pile of ooze or Alieria's use of sorcery, because these elements were never used in Lotr's.
4. Be careful with the elvish phrases, you don't really need to use them, most readers understand that elves are speaking their language when they are together. If you get into mixed company you can simple say that the conversation continues in the common tongue, again most readers know this is westron.
If you need to correct a chapter you don't have to take the whole story down, just use the "replace a chapter" feature in the story management area. If you will heed good advise you will begin to get good feedback and you won't want to loose them by taking the entire story down.
I am not flaming you by pointing out problems, this is a very public forum and as I said before Lotr's has suffered much bad writing. It's a tough area in which to post. Even the best of us receive critical reveiw, use it to make yourself better, don't be so defensive. Get rid of that last paragraph in your ending author's notes,you don't need it. Some people will like your story, some won't, being able to handle what's said is part of gaining maturity.