|Reviews for Unexpected Majin|
| LauraNeatO chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
I love your story. You have a great plot. You do great fight scenes and dialogue, and you're the master of description.
But this scene was so sappy, it was almost degrading to your story. I know you wrote it for all the gohan/videl fans, but I think you TOTALLY broke gohan's character. You had been working so hard to show the inner conflict until now, and then somehow, suddenly and magically, videl walks up to him, takes his hand, and he's all nice again.
What should have happened, and I'm not trying to be didactic, but this would have been more in character:
Instead of Gohan looking down and realizing he 'liked the feel of her hand'... He should have instead realized she was holding him, suddenly felt a FLARE of anger, and then CRUSHED her hand, throwing her back...
Dende would have been able to heal her. But the image would have been very clear... that Gohan was close to coming out of his shell, but when she took his hand, it WENT TOO FAR, just like if she would have hugged him. Trust me... HUGGING is less offensive than HOLDING HANDS. I can hug almost anyone... but I REFUSE to hold hands with anyone but someone special. Holding hands... comes witht he whole kissing factor, and I really can't see Gohan kissing Videl right now.
He should have hurt her instead of listening to her tell him how much she loves him, and just sitting there.
I know you were going for all the fans, but I think you need to stand back for a moment... and just think about what you're doing to your story by making it sappy.
You are taking one of the greatest fight stories... one of the greatest stories, in GENERAL, and one of the best plots... and you're putting sugar and spice and everything nice in the middle of a battle... and it does NOT fit.
Gohan should have crushed her hand. Videl, as I said before, should not be the reason why he comes back. And Videl should not be a weakness. If anything, his weaknessnes would be Goten and Chi Chi, because they are the family that he acknowledges, unlike his father.
I am scared to death you're going to try to fit more romance into this. This is not a romance story. I know you are yearning to make this incorporate one... but this is BAD timing. Videl should instead catch him during down-time, when he's alone... not while Buu is beating up his father, everyone is panicked because Goku is losing, Gohan's still possessed... and... OH YEAH, Videl holds his hand and tells him how much she loves him (Doesn't quite fit).
I do love your story very much, and please do not take offense. I usually love every one of your chapters... but I feel like this chapter went a little too far into something that should have been kept on the down-low.
In any case, the story is great; have fun writing the next few chapters.
| dragonwarriorkeltyr chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Took you long enough to write (boy, I'm sure one to talk.. *looks around guiltily*) But great chapter Keep it up, I love the gohan/videl bit, it was sweetness :)
| cooldude chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Make Gohan kill her that would b cool
| FinalDestiny13 chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Aw...I wonder what Gohan was going to say to Videl. And who called him? Was it Babidi? Please update soon! You're keeping us all in suspense!
| ladybadasskillington chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Very good chapter! I say that every time I review, but they all are. I liked how you made Gohan slowly open up to Videl instead of making it all fast like:
'Then Videl landed next Gohan. And Gohan thought, "I love Videl! I can tell her all my problems!"' Because that happens sometimes and its really annoying. Okay bye.
| chimney leaf chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Ah, a lovely surprise to see this at the top of the list. Excellent chapter
| ChildOfAdvent chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
aaw that was adorable...although im not a big fan of the gohan/videl pairing even i have to say that was quite cute. i wonder who called out to gohan? hm i guess i'll just have to wait... :D keep it up and...try to update a little quicker, this is really a very good story
| Littica Marek chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Now thats just nasty
| darksupersayian chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
Is Gohan going to turn good again soon? Update and let us know before too long.
| jjkim chapter 23 . 10/6/2005
i think the last voice was babidi.
| GroudonSage chapter 22 . 10/5/2005
Seven words: I... luff... this... fan fic! :D Wait, those are seven words. Damn, I always keep forgetting. XD Anyway it's true I love it! So awesome how you can make everything so interesting!
I'm looking forward to see how Videl will free Gohan's poor soul. I feel sorry for the guy, I hope he's the one who gets to kill Babidi 'cause I just hate that midget. . Oh and I like the way you make Buu sound so funny and cute! _ KEEP IT UP! :D
| Ryo-yasha chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
| ladybadasskillington chapter 22 . 10/3/2005
Okay sorry it took me so long to review. But it did. I can't wait to see what happens when Videl gets to Gohan!
| Ava chapter 22 . 9/29/2005
Alright! Love it so much, I've been waiting for my Gohan and Videl action!
| Shadow Dreamer 27 chapter 22 . 9/27/2005
Oh...so...close! Videl is almost there. Now I'm real eager to read the next chapter!