Reviews for IceAge
Lovely Writer369 chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
omg you need to continue please please :)
Emelna chapter 1 . 3/11/2005
great story i hope to see more coming keep it poasted.
Lt. Commander Richie chapter 1 . 3/9/2005
nice. daughter of batman, now, if static and gear try to ahrm her, they cant, cuz batsy wont let em. FRIGGIN DIABOLICAL SCHEME!
Go-Go Ruse chapter 1 . 3/8/2005
Hello!

Oh my, I really am having difficulty deciding where to begin to begin giving any type of constructive review. Well, I always start a review off with the factors correctly done or at least attempted at within a piece of fiction. While your grammar and spelling skills are in need of dire assistance (maybe try finding a beta or having even look over you story a bit better) I’ve seen far, far worse. I can actually read through the story and understand most of what is occurring. You’ve managed to give the objective reader a fair amount of sprinkles of background thoughts and setting mixed with dialogue. This stops confusion and utter madness on the reader’s part. There are a few parts that could be better suited to have a bit more explanation, though.

One area that bothered me immensely right away was your complete disregard for proper spelling of key character names. If you’re going to be writing within a fandom please have the decency to spell names correctly (if you don’t know how to spell research if-it’s not overly difficult and will probably not cause massive strain on your part). ‘Vergle’ it is not (I’d like to know how you mangled that name out) it’s ‘Virgil’. Also Richie’s last name is spelled ‘Foley’, not “Folly’. An exact quote from of the meaning of ‘folly’-“An act or instance of foolishness: regretted the follies of his youth”. It’s not even pronounced the same.

Have you ever heard of a Mary Sue? If you haven’t I suggest doing a Yahoo or Google search for the name. You’d learn a lot-believe me. Alexandria (or is it Alexis-you clearly used both) is clearly a gratuitous Mary Sue and not an overly clever one at that. She’s sixteen and so specially smart she’s in college already. Richie will fall head over heels in love with this super brainiac-who’s his supposed equal. She’s the daughter of Bruce Wayne (what an teeth grinding cliché) and, of course, will be receiving special powers that make her uber-special-more so then before and, of course, someone is trying to kidnap her, gasp! She works at some dream career at a genetics lab-a bit hard to swallow even if she’s a so-called genius. Get rid of Alex, you might have a plain story, but it would be much more original. Alex is annoying and really has no purpose beyond being your personal little pet. In most of the online fandom communities writing Mary Sues are laughable and mocked. That’s just the reality of life.

A college professor will never, never tell the students to pull out a calculator and divide some random jumble of numbers for no particular reason. This is unheard and unreasonable. I’ve been through college and most of the people I know have been through some college as well and will be able to tell you the same facts. The whole scene had me laughing up a storm over the absurdity of it.

While I seem harsh, it’s probably the impersonal nature of typing instead of speaking. I don’t leave mushy reviews; I leave constructive criticism. This is not a flame, a flame would have pronounced that this story was utterly horrible without given any reasons or explanations, which I clearly stated. In the future I suggest ditching the Mary Sue, finding a Beta reader, and just keep typing and working on it. There are always improvements that can be made!

Good luck,

Go-Go Ruse