|Reviews for Foresight|
| Siu Jerk Jai chapter 7 . 6/20/2006
Fittingly, I think this is the best chapter in the piece. You've provided a payoff for the build-up of the other chapters, and that is so, so important.
The opening and closing scenes threw me off a little bit, but only in terms of details. I had trouble pinpointing the time frame of the opening scene, but I think that was just because I've come to associate her accent with a much younger Revan; it surprised me to find she still had it during the Star Forge mission when she didn't seem to have it in earlier scenes with Malak and the others. But like I said, that's a small detail. The scene itself is very appropriate and works so well with the whole idea of foresight.
Same for the closing scene. So much in this chapter fits in with the idea of seeing what's to come (both for Revan and for the reader). I felt the closing scene was maybe a bit long. Her flying away seemed so much like an ending that having a much longer scene follow made it seem a bit tacked on to me. Maybe the idea of her being able to foresee people's deaths could have come out a little earlier so that the last scene could focus more on her decision to go to Malachor V. I do really like the instinct to end with a flashback since, once again, it ties in with the idea of foresight.
The conversation with Traya is the best of the entire story, in my opinion. I like that you lead in with a little levity with HK and T3, but with Traya, we pretty much see Revan no longer hiding behind the jokes. She's moved past that and is ready to take that last step. Really well done. And you write Traya really, really well. I love the little touches you've added that tie into the second game. And I really enjoyed that Revan still seems to believe that she did the right thing, that she did what needed to be done. I think that's very realistic, and I love how you tied in that she's going off alone again to save the universe. She still believes that she's the only one who can.
Congratulations on finishing a great story! It's the only one I've seen that covers her leaving and explains what happens before she left, and you did a really great job with it.
| Rose7 chapter 7 . 6/18/2006
Whoo last chapter! (The WordPress site is gorgeous, btw)
I think, like Dinah, that my favorite parts are where you get under Revan's skin:
Stepping onto the solid ground of Malachor V had been hard enough, walking past rubble and devastation of the planet she’d completely destroyed had been the worst. There were no survivors on this world – each one had been carefully picked out to die here. Good men and women, sacrificed for the greater good.
Because they would have disagreed with her.
The decision gnawed at her now, like it would have done then if she had let herself feel anything. She had been too focused on finishing to really pay attention to the destruction she had caused. But if she had to do it over again – she didn’t know.
She still had been right. There would have been years of bloodshed and more lives would have been lost than the ones she took. But it shouldn’t have been her decision to make. Except that she had the power and the knowledge and who else was in that position to make it?
No one. So she’d taken the prerogative and she’d ruined lives and almost leveled the galaxy to save it.
And here she was again. In front of an old stone building, ready to do the same thing. Save the galaxy.
Who would suffer this time? That was what scared her most.
Really nice. And, as I said before, I really liked the scene with Dorak and the nervous, awkward vibes he was giving off- which is what I imagine a lot of the Dantooine enclave must have felt with Revan around. And ending with Malachor V as the last word in the entire story is really final and chilling. Can't wait for Anamnesis!
| Siu Jerk Jai chapter 6 . 6/11/2006
Very nice stuff. I thought chapter 4 started off a little rocky; the banter between Revan and Vrook seemed just a bit too much. It seemed a little out of character for both. But once she hit Taris, things really picked up. I really enjoyed Zaedra and the implication that not everyone loved Revan during the Star Forge mission (thank God). Her meeting with Juhani was where I felt that chapter really came together. To see Revan let go of her flippant facade and really feel something was great. And I really like that Juhani's blind devotion gets under her skin. It's a nice foreshadowing of the next chapter.
And chapter 6 was great. Unsurprisingly, I'm a big fan of insightful Canderouses (Canderousii?). It makes total sense to me that he would be the one to see what she's really doing-perhaps even better than she does. She is doing this to make herself feel better, and she does know that she's leaving the weaker links behind. And it fits given who she is. My favorite moments throughout your story have always been the ones where she's honest with herself and her motivations, when she breaks through the wise cracks and we actually see the pain beneath. But what's really nice is that it's not just pain; there's a strength to her as well. And her arrogance remains. It's tricky to let those moments shine through, but you're doing it well. Good stuff.
| Rhiannon chapter 6 . 6/7/2006
Oh... I've been waiting for you to finish this for AGES. And now it is done, and was well worth the wait. Excellent Revan characterization. And I adore HK-47 in your stories.
| Rose7 chapter 6 . 6/6/2006
I love the present tense Malak POV, it's shivery. And this point was exceptionally nice:
Zhar had said he was sorry. Sorry for what? Sorry that his student was a Sith? Sorry that he couldn’t give his student a redemption speech?
Redemption was never an option for him. Malak never would be given the chance after he walked down that path – he knew that and he walked it anyway. Walked with her.
But she would have been given a speech.
Having Malak lose his jaw through an ill-fated duel with Zhar rather than some vindictive action on Revan's part is also original and nicely done. And this part with her turning off the anesthetic, man:
When she comes back she’s eyeing him sadly, with a shake of her head. Resigned. She turns to the voice – a young man. “Turn off the anesthetic.”
He doesn’t even waver. Barely gives her a look before moving towards one of the machines by Malak’s head.
She walks over to Malak as the pain comes back, slowly at first and then searing and burning – more than just the part of him that’s missing, but reliving the pain he felt when it was taken from him.
“Malak…” she shakes her head. “Listen to me next time.”
She snorts softly and puts the mask back on. “Don’t turn it back on.” She says before turning her back on him.
He knows she can hear the horrible noise that is all he can make for a scream. But he can’t tell her that – he has no lips to move.
That's haunting. Canderous cracks me up as well, I think this exchange is still my favorite:
“It’s an Echani agility technique.”
“I can tell from how stupid it looks.”
hehe. This is really cool too:
He looked around, as if the helmet would pop out on it’s own. “Where is it?”
“On Dxun,” she said, tartly. “Fetch.”
He took three steady steps towards her. “You think that offends me, Revan?” He snorted. “If you had’ve handed the helmet to me like some trinket I would have kicked you in the face.” He took a deep breath and color seemed to flood his face. He looked around Dxun. “This will be a good start.”
He's totally right- her just giving him the helmet, completely ridiculous from a Mandalorian perspective (or a good storyteller's perspective. Score -10 for Obsidian). Talvon is teh cool, more Loanin makes me squee, Revan jumping Malak is hilarious, the tension between Revan and Kae and how Revan's still influenced by her and eventually follows her- great stuff. Chapter 6, ahoy!
| noneko chapter 6 . 6/4/2006
Two chapters in this amount of time makes me squee.
The flashback is creepy and awesome and I shivered when I first read it. The second time was just as awesome. I also liked the ending flashback, NOT just because of Revan and Malak (although that was a big part) but also the fact that it foreshadows Revan's eventual fall (with the whole Mandalorian thing)and the turmoil with having her old master there.
Canderous is awesome and such a bastard. And that's why we love him. Yay for notalapdg!Canderous!
T3 and HK are awesome, and you actually give T3 a personality, which I love.
I'll be waiting for the last chapter!
| noneko chapter 5 . 5/31/2006
Ohmigosh, and update? Pinch me, I must be dreaming! It's great to have an update to this story, I've been waiting for the RP-O-Doom to give ya'll a little time to attend to your fics. .
Anyhow, on to the review. I like that your Revan is so atypical in that she's not the selfless, annoying pure character that so many people portray her as. She has flaws, she gets annoyed, and she's oh-so-very-much a real human.
The flashbacks are always awesome, but me being me, I really liked the oh-so-subtle mention of Jene and Kavar. .
Vrook, Zaedra and Juhani are beautifully characterized, and I think you hit Juhani's motivations of the head in that last scene with her. Canderous is up next, right? I'll be waiting for that. .
| Rose7 chapter 5 . 5/31/2006
And now for coherency!
Revan sighed and leaned her hands against her knees. “Any words of wisdom for the freshly knighted, Master Vrook?”
Vrook snorted, dryly. “Yes, get off my desk.”
The droid did not respond to her jibe. “Sentient. You are in sector 4A, clearance level 3. It is my duty to escort you to a standard security zone if you do not have the proper clearance.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled out her lightsaber. “Is this enough clearance, you bucket of bolts? Or do I have to turn it on?”
“Who’s there?” a fierce voice called out. “You’re not cleared for this sector.”
“Well you’re cleared to kiss my ass, you stupid –” mid way through what would have been a delightful initiation into the swearing languages of the Chiss hierarchy, Revan’s voice caught in her throat. “Zaedra?”
Hah, the scene with Vrook, with Zaedra, with even the droid are all perfectly balanced back-and-forth exchanges. Revan is sharp, witty, and the kind of person people would follow around even if they didn't like her. I love her smart-aleck ways, heh.
I really love that you went into Juhani's love interest too. Hardly anyone deals with that (or hardly anyone did; it's been a while since I delved into the fanfic offerings heh). There isn't enough Juhani in the world...
I love Malak. And his cousin ;) Your closing line is spectacular:
“You can always have more.” She stretched her arms out and stepped off the long drop. She slowed her fall to the ground, but just enough so the wind whipped at her face and she could still feel the hard resistant at the ground.
It wasn’t the destination that was the fun part. It was the fall.
Awesome. MORE. SOON.
| Lara Jayd chapter 4 . 10/1/2005
I love this story, I can't wait for you to add to it! I really like how you intertwine the past with the present, you've done it really effectively. Your Revan is very likeable, as well, very human and fallible. Though sometimes I find she can be a bit TOO aggressive, heading toward childish - a good example of this is when she is speaking with Jolee and his two padawans. It's a fine line, but I find that when the main character is too childish it alienates me a bit.
I love the insights into Revan's childhood, they flow really well and have lots of little foreboding lines, such as the "sometimes you have to sacrifice the pawns" line. That was great. :)
I can't wait for more, update soon! :)
| Rian Sage chapter 4 . 9/20/2005
"bastardized version of the Deralian victory dance"
Sounds interesting. Good chapter.
| Mellyna chapter 4 . 9/12/2005
Great chapter. Your Jolee is a riot. I'm glad to see you're still working on this. Keep up the good work.
| noneko chapter 4 . 9/11/2005
Hahah, Darth SparklyPrincessHessi. I really want to see that now. That's the best sith name ever. And the Lydie cameo... awesome.
Jolee's a jaded old coot. And we love him for it. And Zaalbar... I like the way you haven't made Revan all buddy-buddy with the crew.. the comment about them only having Mission in common was a nice touch. Of course, T3 abd HK are deliciously devious (but adorable!) and phychotic, respectivally.
I like the flashbacks... they add dimension to Revan's character, although I still can't quite tell when she's going to make the change from bookwork smartmouth to bad ass smartmouth. But I'm sure that will come. And the "pawns" comment... incredible.
Basically, what it winds down to is another awesome chapter. Just... don't keep us waiting too long for the next one, alright? ;) kthxbye.
| noneko chapter 2 . 9/11/2005
I just remembered I never left a review for this chapter. I'm such a spaz. :P
I really liked the flow of this chapter. Bastila has really grown up now... its nice to see her confident and actually *living*. I also like the small details, like Bastila not being able to say Malak's name, and Bastila stiffing Revan with the check. Lol.
Nice work. I'll review the third chapter now.
| Talhiri chapter 4 . 9/11/2005
| Rose7 chapter 4 . 9/11/2005
Yesh, I have been slowly fed Chapter 4 each night, and yet I love it even more now that it's all together :)
""Don't give me that lip. I may not be the best pilot, but I sure as hell paid for you - so you'd better get your tin ass into action."
T3-M4 made a few auspicious sounding noises.
“What do you mean you don’t have an ass?"
Rofl- you made T3 funny! *Adds that to the list of accomplishments*
I love Revan's point about names. And, like I tell you so often- sometimes coherently and sometimes not -I love her personality. She's neither inherantly evil or inherantly good, but can very easily be both. She gets pissed off, has cheap laughs and justified pride (victory dance, hehe), she's afraid of things. She's a real person, and that's awesome.
"The tea tasted the same. It always did. It had tasted the same when she had thought she was having it for the first time- when Ariate Talke had sipped at it with inane curiosity, while trying to look casual as Carth once again tried to apologize for being a jerk on Dantooine. It had tasted the same as when Malak had carefully rolled his eyes and looked for threats, while she had talked the old man into showing her where a source of power was.
Everyone was a tool to be used."
Oh come on, you knew it was coming, heh. I really like that opening to the scene, comparing all her memories of Jolee.
Speaking of Jolee, that is some awesome characterization. On him, HK, and Zaalbar in particular, and those three are the easiest to write badlly, I think. Great job!
The ending line about the pawns, perfect.
And now I'm taking the opportunity to comment on the appearance of Lydie Korr in another spectacular piece of KotOR fic:
OMFG Foresight!Lydie WHE!
Ahem. Happy writing!